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Underground > Radio & Music >

Never been in a band

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10:59 / 08.06.04

I had a tough day yesterday. First, I had to listen to two fuckwits at work discussing the bands they’re in, which is just sooo unfair because they don’t seem to be the least bit interested in music. They never go to gigs, don’t really know any bands apart from Nirvana and Queens of the Stone Age, one of them listens to bloody Ocean FM and Virgin radio (I recently had to spend 3 hours in the car with him – not nice). Their bands are bloody boring and derivative pub rock bands yet one of the bands is currently in the studio recording an album (jealousy! rage! despair!). Okay, so I don’t play any instruments and I’m not a great singer but at least I’m passionate and eager and if I was in a band I would try to do something original and classy. Oh and I would jump around on stage a lot.

The other thing that happened yesterday was that MY MUM TOLD ME I SHOULD BE IN A BAND or “get a job in the music business”! Now, my mum has never understood my interest in music. She more or less accepted it when I was a teenager, hoping that it was a phase that I would grow out of eventually. But she’s always believed that music is for kiddies and not for people over 20 and she’s called me “immature” (?!) several times because of the amount of money I spend on CDs and gigs. And of course she’s really chuffed that I’ve got such a wonderful, well-paid and reputable 9-5 office job so her comments really threw me yesterday. I really should get off my arse and do something about this.

I’m well prepared of course. I know the name of the band, have a rough idea of the other band members, know the title of the first album, some song titles (although I haven’t written the lyrics yet), the bands we will go on tour with, the singers I will collaborate with, the people I will shag… I’m half way there.

But maybe at some point I should pick up my guitar that I haven’t touched for two years and try to write some songs…

foot long subbacultcha

11:36 / 08.06.04

I'll be in your band, if you want me. I know a few chords. However, I will not wear any tight fitting costumes, nor will I lose weight or grow my hair long.

13:05 / 08.06.04

Obviously I sympathise, imaginary mice. My various attempts at embryonic musical ventures having so far not amounted to much beyond a lot of arsing about, I'll gladly join your band.

What kind of stuff do you want to play?

14:19 / 08.06.04

Well, if you don't play an instrument and can't sing, unfortunetly your music is doomed to be the same untalented shit that those two co-workers you were talking about probably make. The only solution is to learn to play. If you're really dedicated to it, and it sounds like you just might very well be, then within a year or so you can be writing some great stuff. That involves constantly writing, and putting in at least an hour a day to simply practice - to learn your instrument. It's alot of work, but hey, it's worth it in the end. Oh, and just ignore those guys working in the studio. Anyone can get an abum made these days, but most of them are shit.

14:21 / 08.06.04

Well, if you don't play an instrument and can't sing, unfortunetly your music is doomed to be the same untalented shit that those two co-workers you were talking about probably make. The only solution is to learn to play. If you're really dedicated to it, and it sounds like you just might very well be, then within a year or so you can be writing some great stuff. That involves constantly writing, and putting in at least an hour a day to simply practice - to learn your instrument. It's alot of work, but hey, it's worth it in the end. Oh, and just ignore those guys working in the studio. Anyone can get an abum made these days, but most of them are shit.

14:49 / 08.06.04

*SIGH*

look dude, I hate to even bother writing this but..

The Ramones couldn't play
Bikini Kill couldn't play
Beat Happening couldn't play
The Slits couldn't play
Jonathan Richman couldn't play
Sonic Youth couldn't play until they'd done about four albums
Cat Power can't play.

and so on.

Lesson one: if you like the way it sounds, you're playing.

And as for 'sing', well, my entire record collection with the possible exception of Johnny Cash, Stevie Wonder and Sandy Denny can't 'sing'. Since when did that have anything to do with rock n' roll?

A

15:15 / 08.06.04

Tune the biggest string of your guitar down 2 notes from E to D. You can now play chords by holding the first three strings on the same fret. Get a cheap keyboard with pre-programmed drum beats. Turn on keyboard. Play some chords. Sing, speak, or yell something over the top. There is your band. It will rock.

15:21 / 08.06.04

Dude, songwritting and technical skills both suck. Hard. They're just excusses for liking boring shitty music like Coldplay and the Mars Volta and Dreamtheater and Travis. Listing to music and going "Wow. That's some incredably songwritting right there. HEAR THE WRITTING THERE, IN THAT SONG?!" is liking looking at Alan Clarke and going "that fucker could re-get ministerial roles like a bastard; good on him!"

The ability to stay around government may well be fantastic, if you're not a prat and use it for good. Same with songwritting. It's only good for the bit where the whole song goes up a key for 20 seconds and then back down again, and makes the band stop after 2mins 30. Fact.

PS: imaginary; where geographically are you?

15:27 / 08.06.04

If you do not believe me about the role of songwritting being to stick as many hooks into one 2min 30 bag and throw it at people, check out the Illuminati if they're ever near you. The first 2mins and last 30secs of every single on of their songs rocks! The other 4mins is the first 2 reduxed into yr face too much!

09:04 / 10.06.04

The reason that Coldplay and Travis suck is because they like to think they're better than they really are. Shitty, middle-class whiners that like to think that their boring little problems are of interest to the rest of the world. The vocals lack any kind of passion. I like dark music, I like miserable but it has to be passionate. Anybody who sings a song half-heartedly isn't worth listening to.

So there.

*grins and stands about awkwardly after rant*

09:52 / 10.06.04

Well, if you don't play an instrument and can't sing, unfortunetly your music is doomed to be the same untalented shit that those two co-workers you were talking about probably make.

I think it's this statement that's causing problems. The original poster said that these co-workers' music was boring and derivative, ze didn't say anything about their level of musical proficiency. Boring and derivative music can be made equally well by virtuosos and by people who only know three chords. It's interesting that you assume the boring/derivative nature of the music stems from lack of musical proficiency.

I think people are right to reassure you that you can make good music without being proficient, imaginary mice. But not being proficient can't possibly make you better than you would be if you were. You can always choose to keep things simple where appropriate, but it's worth being able to do complex things as well.

What makes music great is having something meaningful to express, and managing to encapsulate it in a way other people can receive. Your chances of encapsulating what you want to say are better the more skilled you are. Besides, being skilled at playing an instrument is very satisfying.

I am reasonably proficient at guitar, and I can assure you, reaching this position will not dampen down your desire to be noisy, aggressive and spontaneous. It will only help you to do it better.

10:00 / 10.06.04

Well you can be in our band then.

I reckon the problem with Coldplay and Travis is that there's often a fine line between beauty and banality, and they've just completely failed to notice it.. it's an "if you don't get it now, you never will" thing.

Actually though, that only applies to Travis; Coldplay are shitty through and through, they're a nasty shitty band, they imitate previous nasty, shitty bands and they have nasty, shitty intentions.

16:35 / 10.06.04

not being able to sing well or being very talented on an instrament hasn't done anything to stop me from being in 2 bands (two eps from one of those) and occasionally singing live shows for some of my friends bands. when it comes to the live show energy is what counts more than technique, if it's an energetic band. surround your self w/ like minding talented musicians that'll let you lead them, have fun w/ you & you'll have it made.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

21:21 / 10.06.04

Tune the biggest string of your guitar down 2 notes from E to D.

That's only one note. One single whole step. No wonder no one has ever asked you to be in their band. You suck.

...Nah, I'm just joshin' you. I kid cuz I love. Besides, actually being in a band isn't as much fun as you think it is. Those guys you know who talk about it all the time? They're just trying to convince themselves that it's all worthwhile in the end.

Free advice: if you start a band, don't take it too seriously. Chances are you're not good enough to be taken seriously, and besides, it's not nearly as much fun. Just ask the Smashing Pumpkins.

VonKobra,Scuttling&Slithering

09:36 / 25.06.04

I've been playing music for 20 yrs.
I have awesome jeans.
I've played to a crowd of 3000 at an outdoor thing(biggest show)
Recorded 3 CDs.
Countless 7" singles and Tapes.
Toured my ass off.
My hairdo is quite lovely.
I'll be landing in London on July 22.

PLEASE.

I haven't written a song or picked up an instrument in over 3 years now.

PLEASE.

Someone. Help.

I'll lug the Amps around. And the Drumkit.

12:30 / 25.06.04

It's a long way to the top if ya wanna rock 'n' roll
poverty and boredom
boredom and poverty

VonKobra,Scuttling&Slithering

15:16 / 25.06.04

Sick isnt it.

I just love playing music. Creative release.

But yes, its a long way to the shop if you wanna sausage roll.

15:08 / 27.06.04

So you don't have a band, is that what you say...

WELL YOU'RE NOT MISSING ANYTHING!

foot long subbacultcha

18:48 / 29.06.04

I now know seven chords. When's the first rehearsal?

03:38 / 30.06.04

Being in a band isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Imagine beeing locked in a small room with 3-5 sweaty guys for four hours, two, sometimes three times a week.
Imagine telling the cute object of your affections/lust that you're in a band and being met with "Have I heard of you?"
Imagine working a second job that DOES NOT PAY.
Imagine the tendons in your hand hurting all the time.

It isn't ALL bad, but lord, it isn't all good either.

13:31 / 30.06.04

Well I'm always prepared to drop everything and heed the Warhorn of Rock.

And I know, like, 12 chords or something.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

18:14 / 30.06.04

Imagine telling the cute object of your affections/lust that you're in a band and being met with "Have I heard of you?"

That's not so bad. What's worse is being ignored by said object because you don't play guitar, do vocals or play the drums. I feel so very bad for bass players, but someone's gotta do it...

21:07 / 30.06.04

We don't need yr fucking sympathy, our instruments are the most cock-like instruments in the world!

A

04:51 / 03.07.04

Well I'm always prepared to drop everything and heed the Warhorn of Rock.

I do believe that's the best sentence I've ever read.

17:13 / 03.07.04

Just tellin' it like it is.

20:20 / 03.07.04

See, I'm actually now paying serious mind to actually being in a band. Actually. Partly because I'd be way too shit scared to ever perform solo, partly because I'm loosing all my anti-Bees moral high ground ("It sounds like it's recorded in a shed on the Isle of Wight"... I'm recording in a shed on the Isle of Wight. And a shit one at that, with a hole in it to run a power lead through) and partly cos I actually just wanna plat some songs and look cool.

THis means you, no-band,-living-near-me-Imaginary-Mice

foot long subbacultcha

11:31 / 04.07.04

I just went out and bought one of those eletric guitar starter packs. I am now taking this very seriously. I now know nine chords. I hope this whole thing isn't imaginary, mice.

14:27 / 04.07.04

Excellent. Let's do this thing then, shall we?

18:23 / 04.07.04

So you actually want to form a band?! This topic was originally intended for people who can't get off their arses and who prefer to whinge and moan instead (maybe that's just me).

But anyways... okay fine. I'm really busy at the moment (final exams this month) and my guitar case is still covered in a thick layer of dust but I'm gonna quit my job at some point in the next few months (yay!) and then I will definitely start playing again.

Of course I'm always willing to play the tambourine or the cowbells. Or I could be the Bez of the band...

22:14 / 04.07.04

Last time around, Riz was the Bez of the fictional Barbelith band that never happened. He was called Bezla, and there was a mix up that he caused where we thought the band was called Peachy Kean. Happy days...

Erm. Anyway. I was saying that I will be back in Southampton from the end of September in a semi-permenant student capacity, and yr profile says you are from Southampton (there are too many So'ton-Barbelites for me to actually know you, however. Because I am slack and you are convoluted in yr social nature) too. So, band.

What do you want to play?

foot long subbacultcha

07:51 / 05.07.04

Hmm I'm from Slough. So the choice is to explode a Southampton music scene or a Slough music scene. Or wherever anyone else wants to explode.

16:21 / 05.07.04

We could be a whole band of Bezes.

What do you want to play?

Absolutely anything that doesn't involve six string bass, generic hardcore or white guys in shorts attempting to rap in 'wacky' accents is OK by me.

18:55 / 05.07.04

Guess what I got at HMV today - Bez's autobiography for 3 quid. That has to be sign. All I need to do now is increase my drug intake. I'm already taking St Johns Wort and vitamin supplements so I'm half way there.

I think we should start off with 3 chords, then 4 chords, then maybe 4 chords plus cowbells.

No star here laces

07:38 / 06.07.04

Was going to moan and bitch but don't want to interrupt the whole positivity thing y'all got going on in this thread. Go get 'em, tigers...

08:42 / 06.07.04

Come on Jefe, out with it, what were you going to moan about?

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