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Having just broken up with my SO of, hm, 5 years? 6 years? Shite. I was NEVER good at keeping track of time. I guess I have a breakup story to tell, as best as I can remember it. But of course it never starts at the end of the relationship.
About a year and a half, maybe two years into a great (clearly defined, monogomous) relationship, my SO got into a car accident. To make a long story short, my SO suffered from some serious migranes induced from muscles spasms due to the accident, and all the stress relating to it, the totaled car, having to buy a new one while that one was almost paid off, etc. These migranes and muscle spasms induced a series of changes in my SO that were, to put it lightly, stressful for me to deal with also. In essence, my SO stopped (for one reason or another) doing many of the shared acivities we both had enjoyed.
But there was love, and it was powerful between us, and we were both - most of the time- happy. I occasionally got very restless but those times would pass, and we stayed together. I think we stayed together primarily because we were such terrific friends.
Two years of some of my friends commenting about how I didn't seem as happy as before passed, and I usually explained that I didn't want to leave my SO because 1) we were such terrific friends, 2) my SO was injured (both physically and mentally) and I didn't want to abandon my SO during the time of healing, and 3) my SO was waaaaay depressed due to the turn of events. In this period of "not doing the same things together anymore", we both changed a bit, just still kept on liking (and loving) each other.
Time went on, and my SO healed, after finally getting up the self-motivation to seek help and self-heal, but alas my SO had stopped doing much of the stuff we enjoyed doing together, but we still enjoyed each other's company.
So, after about a year of actual healing-time, I experienced a long period of restlessness- which I catagorize mostly as still happy in life, but seeking new things/experiences/change. During this time, my SO and I had talked a few times about breaking things off, as occasionally we both felt we were mostly friends and less lovers.
The opportunity to take some MDMA floated our way, and we took the opportunity to plan to talk about hurting, stressful, unhappy, painful stuff and work it out with each other (our own personal issues) while rolling. So, we did, it was a FABULOUS(!!!!!) experience, and during a period of snuggling, we talked freely about how we had drifted a bit, still loved each other, but were both uncertain of the future together (and more so then "all the future promises is uncertainty"). I think that we both faced, came to terms with, and began to get comfortable with breaking things off, "relationship" wise.
So about a month later, we were snuggling in bed all warm and comfy, and we talked about breaking up. It was a little intimidating to start talking about, but fortune favors the brave . And we decided to sleep on it, to let our subconsiouses work it out a bit, and the next evening we descided that the next step to occur would be for my SO to move out and find a 1:1 near work (we worked at the same place.) My SO was kind enough to let me keep the kitties (two adorable bengals.) We still liked and loved each other, so we split everything up amicable, without a single fight, tear, or any nastiness.
I helped my SO move out, and things were good between us. After about a month more, we talked while driving on some roadtrip about seperating, and what all that meant to both of us. We both agreed we liked each other, and still loved one another, but that the future just didn't seem to contain both of us together, in our respective imaginary futures. So we officially stopped being "together", and we both seemed cool about it.
Waiting for the shit to hit the fan, eh? Sorry, it hasn't. We've had some breakup sex (which is GREAT , BTW, if you've never had any, try it if possible), but it looks like we're both looking at dating other folks. Well, maybe me more then my SO. My former-SO has explained she needs a bit more time to move onto another relationship, and that's cool. I promised to let my former-SO know if I started dating anyone ('cuz of the potential for future breakup sex), and we remain friends. Go to dinner, still snuggle while watching some LOST or Daily Show, still go on motorcycle rides. Strangely, we've been getting along better without the mutual stress of a relationship-that-feels-its-falling-apart between us.
Best thing about remaining friends afterwards? You still have all those shared good times. But it takes two willing participants to break up amicably, and still remain friends. I haven't been so lucky with a few I've dated in the past, as some have stolen shit, tried to OD in my bedroom, lied to apartment managers, changed locks, etc. But this one has a happy ending. |
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