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For Smokers - The politics and psychology of asking, and being asked for a light

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Scrambled Password Bogus Email

17:50 / 25.05.04

You ask for a light. The lightee insists on holding onto the lighter, in spite of the prevailing winds and the bizarre fiasco that ensues. You try to take it. Ze resists. It goes stranbgely still and silent. Ooh, power is in the air.

Do you insist on taking the damn incendiary device, or do you happily play the windy game for 2-3 minutes until one of you folds or stomps off in disgust? Is this an alpha (fe)male ritual? What goes into that decision to either hold or supplicate?

Should I get out more?

18:00 / 25.05.04

You say "doesn't seem to be working... can I have a go? Heh, I won't nick it!" *smile as if this is an utterly ridiculous suggestion and in any case, who would care whether someone nicked a 50p lighter?*

Then if they say "no" you back off slowly without sudden movements, as they are clearly odd.

18:12 / 25.05.04

Should I get out more?

stay in more.
why do people always think they should take their issues into the streets?

18:27 / 25.05.04

If they hold out the lighter already lit, don't be an asshole, just get close and light up.

If it's someone that you find attractive, hold the lighter out for them and light their cigarette.

If it's some stranger you don't find fascinating hand the lighter over, take it back, and nod your head and walk away.

If it's a friend, light the cigarette for them.

18:42 / 25.05.04

i am spoiled. when i ask for a light, i, using body language, pretty much always insist the person light it for me. especially if ze is a male.
if someone asks me for a light...hmm..depends. if the lighter is already in my hand, i will light a friend, or someone who i would like to be a friend. strangers, not so much. if i have to fish out the lighter, i usually just fork it over.
i don't have cigarettes all the time, and i have a lighter even less frequently. you can always find a light, and it's a good excuse to talk to people.

19:05 / 25.05.04

I use a special edition zippo when I light up. I cuts down on problems since the bugger doesn't go out in a hail storm. That way, you maintain control of the object and add a sense of professionalism to the endevour. I'll hand it over if you're a good friend, deny it's existance if you look shady, and light it for you most of the time otherwise.

The only thing that slightly puts me off is the "Can I get a light?" after you've given them a cig as well. You've got to handle your end of the deal, unless of course it looks like you're having a bad go at it that day.

19:16 / 25.05.04

Robot has the etiquette down.

I fuckin hate losing Clippers to pocketting muthafucks.

Red Cross Iodized Salt

01:30 / 26.05.04

I usually prefer if the person just hands me the lighter because it's generally quicker that way. I don't take offence if someone seems loath to hand me their lighter though.

On the other hand, I have a slightly overdesigned lighter that someone gave me as a gift a few years ago which (if I've remembered to put fuel in it) I tend to light cigarettes myself. I'm not afraid that anyone is going to run off with it, it’s that every time I've handed it to someone to use I've ended up having to take it back and show them how to light it.

The worst thing is when you ask someone for a light and they hold out the tip of the cigarette they just lit rather than dig out their lighter again.

03:55 / 26.05.04

I'm sure the fire from their cigarette cancels out the cooties when you use it to light your own cigarette. Beggars can't be choosers and if I'm wearing tight pants with change and stuff in my pockets, you're getting my lit cigarette for a lighter.

Red Cross Iodized Salt

04:19 / 26.05.04

Cooties are less of a concern than the rudeness / grudgingness communicated by the gesture and the likelihood of the cigarette being topped.

04:45 / 26.05.04

What do you mean by "topped"?

Red Cross Iodized Salt

22:29 / 26.05.04

When the lit part gets knocked off...easy to do when one person is holding the lit cigarette and the other the unlit one. Double unlit cigarette tragedy ensues.

09:12 / 27.05.04

What's a bit rude is when they ask to borrow a lighter and then they use it to open a beer.
The "open a beer" thing should really be in italics. Just pretend it is, O.K.?

Scrambled Password Bogus Email

09:30 / 27.05.04

The Denfield Robot has this shit all worked out already. I shall keep that post as a mantra and guide.

pointless and uncalled for

09:36 / 27.05.04

Once, when I was watering city gardens for a living, a guy came up to me and asked for a light. It was a nice day and being in a congenial mood I passed him my clipper. He lit up, thanked me and promptly pocketed the lighter. When I asked for it back he just laughed at me and told me to fuck off.

Naturally I liberally doused him and the cigarette with water.

Since then I've had a great deal of reservation about handing out lighters to people I don't know. It may only be a 50p lighter but the principle is far greater.

21:48 / 27.05.04

I too use a zippo (and a back up clipper/disposable as I got fed up of buying boxes of matches when the zippo ran out of fuel and ending up with a draw full of the buggers) and if anyone asks for a light they have it lit for them. Male or female doesn't matter. Will even step in with the old lighter if I see a smoking damsel in distress. Once cancer stick is lit I then leave them to their own devices. The mark of a true gentleman I feel.

And of course there is the sketch I saw Paul Zenon* pull a couple of years ago where he wandered around a town/city centre, asking for a light, lighting up then putting the lighter into the clear plastic bag he was carrying with him and walking off. The comedy coming from the fact the bag was already blugging with clippers, bics and other disposables.

*For those that don't know Zenon is a stage/street magician that does half magic tricks/half con tricks on the public. Think David Blaine but not creepy...

22:51 / 27.05.04

Oh yeah, if you have a zippo, it's best to throw most of those rules out the window and just light the cigarette for whoever. You don't want some fucker pocketing your zippo or to start doing tricks with it and fucking it all up.

23:11 / 27.05.04

The best thing is if you ask someone for a cigarette and they give it to you, but they light it for you themselves before they hand it over.

That's so sexy.

23:51 / 27.05.04

To add to that...

Ask someone if they'd like a cigarette when you're going to have one and light two of them at the same time. Hand over the one to asker...

Yes, very sexy indeed...

00:05 / 28.05.04

Surely that's not sexy unless you were already attracted to them in the first place?

I have to say the first thing that would strike me if someone took the time to light a cigarette before giving it to me would be "for FUCK'S SAKE, just give me the BLOODY FAG, I can light it myself you know, enough of this femme fatale play-acting, I need nicotine here".

00:34 / 28.05.04

I didn't realise this was a fraught social occasion. I tend to think of having my cigarette lit for me as a more polite gesture. If I don't know someone and am disposed to being polite, I'll light it for them. I'll forget the ceremony and just pass it over if that's impractical or it's someone I feel I can be familiar with. So I'd probably assume the best of intentions no matter how someone went about helping me light one of mine. I certainly can't imagine trying to wrest control of lighter that wasn't being offered to me entirely. Maybe that's a bit beta male of me, I dunno. As for taking care of both ends of the lighting business, well that strikes me as very familiar. I don't think I've ever done that for someone I wasn't having sex with moments before.

Also, while we're at it, are Zippos acceptable these days? I had one when I was a nipper and smoked Marlboro reds and drank Budweiser, and I loved it. But now, whenever I use one I feel like I'm wearing cowboy boots. Am I out of touch?

00:37 / 28.05.04

If it lights fags, it's okay. Just don't put any particular importance on it.

00:52 / 28.05.04

I smoke like once a month so forgive me if I'm a little behind on my technique, but, how do you light two at the same time without coughing up a lungstorm?

01:06 / 28.05.04

ST, Zippos, like Gucchi, are according to the Evening Standard now back in style. I just... I suppose I just wasn't... Oh fuck this, I'm going to run away and start a new life in... in Northumberland or somewhere, in... in the Isle Of Mann ! Damn it !

Excelsior !

02:10 / 28.05.04

Triplets, you place a cig in your mouth at roughly twenty eight degrees to the tip of your nose, do the same on the other side, then light the first, light the second, hand the first one over, take a meaningful drag on the other, and remember you are in fact Cary Grant. With short, slicked-back hair crucially, otherwise there's a danger you'll end up in A&E.

03:32 / 28.05.04

I was in fact going for the Cary Grant with my suggestion. My brain didn't come up with the proper reference and I didn't want to sound like an ass suggesting it was some else. However, now that I show my self-confessing ways, you can see that this is generally unavoidable for me.

It does work but it can't be random folk you do it for. Just put them next to each other, pop 'em in your mouth and go for it. The excess smoke should be fine if you smoke more than casually.

BTW... can anyone here do the trick where you pop the cig in your mouth and pop it out still lit? I only saw the guy from Hellraiser and Chevy Chase do it. Seems a bit dangerous...

08:01 / 29.05.04

Lighting two at once is easy ... you just don't inhale that first mouthful into your lungs if you're worried about it. And it depends how many mgs they are anyway - it it's two 8s then it's just like smoking one 16 surely?

On the whole I don't have any rule - I would say that I most often hand my lighter over though. I feel it's a gesture of trust. It deosn't bother me either way if I'm accepting a light, but when I offer one then I like to enjoy a tiny sense of trust in strangers that they won't pocket my lighter, rather than clutch it an inch away from myself where they can't reach it without burning us both. Seldom Killer's story made me laugh though. I can't fucking believe that. People are savages.

And Zippos, yeah I see what you mean Smoothly. I used to love my Zippo (hell, I even went through a cigarette case phase when I was 18), but these days, hmm, I dunno. Could be a little try-hard, but then it's how you deal with it I guess. And fuck yes, Robot, nothing worse then handing over your Zippo and some twat proclaims his mastery of Zippo tricks and proceeds to spend the next hour and a half trying to light it on his leg, which of course is never going to happen because you forgot to give it it's half-hourly refill and the only way to light the fucking thing is to use another lighter on it. Why did we bother with those uselss things in the first place?

PS: I want a ciggie now.

13:06 / 29.05.04

Why did we bother with those uselss things in the first place?

It's the clunk, innit. Although I bought my missus a Dunhill Rollagas for her birthday and that sounds even sweeter - the whole, solid 'click, pfft, clunk' symphony. It's a thing of flaming beauty.

The area of smoking etiquette I find most difficult is when people try to buy a cigarette off you. Like most smokers I'm generally more than happy to help out a fellow in need, but sometimes they insist on pressing a 20p down onto the table in front of you, regardless of your protestations. I can never help feeling a teensy bit offended by this as a rejection of a very small act of kindness, and it leaves me feeling a bit discombob as I wonder what to do with the coin. If I pocket it looks like I care for the offending payment afterall. If I leave it where it is, it just looks a bit weird, and remains a reminder of the incident for the rest of the evening...

Don't tell me, I care about this sort of thing waaay too much.

14:04 / 29.05.04

On the contrary, you can never care too much about smoking etiquette. It's the yardstick by which civilizations are measured. Or maybe I'm just equally sad.

20:48 / 30.05.04

Also, while we're at it, are Zippos acceptable these days?

Ideally I'd be using the Ronson Whirlwind given to me by my Great Uncle. But it's a heavty (sic) bit of kit. And besides the fly-wheel needs cleaning.

The main reason I use the Zippo is because I HATE the range of disposable lighters out there. I'm usually stood there like an arse failling to light the bastard thing for the 15th time, while getting high on the poxy gas fumes that are some how managing to escape but not be ignited by the spark.

But then I have a mate who absolutely refuses to have his cigarettes lit by a zippo because he hates the petrol smell of them.

On the other hand when it comes to cigars (and this is very rare) the zippo stays in the pocket and I reach for the matches (preferably a book rather than a box). Not quite the lighting of the taper, but a man should show some class.

And as for those who offer to buy cigarettes off me in the street. I find a hearty "Fuck off" as you hand one over is enough to get your message across.

23:25 / 30.05.04

The zippo does make the cigarette taste good. I have about three, but I never remember to buy the fluid, so they mostly go unused.

23:59 / 30.05.04

That's hardcore Zippo addiction. I think you should get help. Or ditch them all and go the way of Clipperdom instead.

...Jesus, is it me, or does Clipperdom actually sound rude?

00:04 / 31.05.04

Clipperdom, clips for nips, tips for your tits. Cleans zits, clears the squits, builds a ditch. Clipperdom!

00:47 / 31.05.04

Ooh, the cigar thing is interesting. If we can broaden this out to smoking dos and don'ts more generally, can anyone give us the skinny on cigarmanship? I know that petrol lighters are frowned upon because of residues from incomplete burning of the fuel, but assumed that matches present the same problem since they have a similarly smokey flame. I've always used a plastic, gas lighter on the presumption that it burns the cleanest. Faux pas?

03:18 / 31.05.04

you're already burning tree, so more tree would be best...
make sure you wait a second for all the guff to burn awway from the striking tip and it should taste grand.

i think to be completely correct, one should also make sure to light the whole tip of the cigar before smoking.

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