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JamesMuthaFuckinSpader

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16:22 / 25.03.04

I dont know what it is, but, about a month and a half ago I just became simply obscessed with James Spader. What is it that suddenly thrust his snobby 80's ass into my consciousness? I'd always hated him before but now. . .now I've watched all but five of his movies. I find myself wanting to stay in on Sunday nights so I can catch him on "The Practice". I hate TV. The more I watch him, the more obcessed I become. . .
Is anyone else picking up any strong Spader vibes?

16:28 / 25.03.04

He's the guy I love to hate.

16:28 / 25.03.04

I don't have TV, but I've seen commercials for the Practice. I imagine that on it, he plays the same character as he did in Secretary and metes out spankings to incompetent partners and paralegals. That would rule. Since the Janet Jackson boob incident, they probably can't show him jerking off onto Camryn Manheim's back, though. Can they?

16:33 / 25.03.04

he says all of the clever inappropriate sleazy intelligent things that we all want to say, but don't

16:35 / 25.03.04

James Spader or Todd?

16:35 / 25.03.04

oh, hell yes. James Spader puts me in some sort of weird hyperstate where I flash rapidly back and forth between wanting to be him and and wanting to make love to him. It's all very intense and spirtual, but then my mind withdraws a bit and I observe (as though from a distance) James Spader making love to himself and that's good too. And hot!

Also, who would have thought David E. Kelly could write so stunningly well for James Spader?

16:36 / 25.03.04

you know they've had to at least thought of showing him jerking off onto someones back and that makes me smile
they do need the ratings, hes the only thing saving the show. . .i mean its only logical that they take it to the next level

16:43 / 25.03.04

Yeah, they should let him do what he does best!

16:53 / 25.03.04

check out www.jamesspader.de to test your compatibility with james

16:54 / 25.03.04

you'd think you'd have something better to do, but you know your all gonna do it.

16:58 / 25.03.04

Apparently, I've only a 4% intellectual match with Mr. Spader.

17:00 / 25.03.04

I am happy to report,however, that myself and Corey Feldman are 98% matches.

17:05 / 25.03.04

my intellectual match was low too. im just thinkin maybe hes not that smart.

17:14 / 25.03.04

Maybe it's all about animal magnetism with Mr. Spader.

GRRRRR! ROWR! BARK!

18:00 / 25.03.04

oh, james spader. i only watch the practice cos he's on it. they are cancelling the practice, but i hear he's getting his own spinoff show. after all the characters he's played, and their striking similarities, is it much of a stretch to imagine that he's a sexy asshole in real life as well? now i realize this is partially my own pathology; my attraction to assholes is decidedly Electral. (Electra-ian?) it's not that james is an unattractive man, oh no. but his sexy assholishness...rrow/sigh. he's the kind of guy you want to fuck, but more than that, you want him to want to fuck you.
...which i guess won't happen, cos we have only a 6% physical connection. emotionally, however, we're quite compatible at 62%. perhaps we should grab drinks and chat?
p.s. if yr really obsessed w/james spader, you must see the shitty/fabulous 80's movie Tuff Turf.

18:30 / 25.03.04

yes its definitely largely animal and not quite human. I myself find a clever asshole quite electrifying.
. . .yeah, i said it.
Tuff Turf is proving hard to find around here. I might actually have to order it. I've seen the pictures. James is all aryan looking. They bleached the hell out of that fantastic 80's hair (I walked into work last week and someone had taped an image of the young bleached spader to my computer screen).

The Apple-Picker

19:12 / 25.03.04

James and I have 96% physical compatibility.

20:12 / 25.03.04

Me too! 72% Intellectual, and 90% emotional!

My life-long dream to be James Spader is nearing completion! HA HA HA!

00:08 / 26.03.04

good luck with that.

00:56 / 26.03.04

I once thought I was James Spader but sadly was only James Garner.

Whisky Priestess

11:15 / 26.03.04

At last Barbelith psychically knows what I need and gives it to me!

However, the path of Spader-love is strewn with turkey-shaped landmines, so a few warnings:

Even a confirmed Spaderoholic like myself had trouble watching The Watcher, a film which redefines the concept of bad. Keanu Reeves? Marisa Tomei? Kill me now ... Spader trudges through a waist-high morass of cliches with the same joy and enthusiasm others might bring to cleaning the toilet with their hamster.

Watch the brilliantly bizarre Key to Tulsa instead - it's a Spader/Eric Stoltz double-whammy, so for those who like their men blond or ginger (OK, it's just me) it's a true feast for the eyes.

And when are we getting The Practice in the UK? If soft-porn tosh like Nip/Tuck can get bought, shurely we can spare a few pennies for a medical drama starring Spader? Tell me it's coming!

11:30 / 26.03.04

I can never remember who James Spader is. I just googled for images of him and by about the fifth page remembered that I'd done so before: he has the least memorable face in the world and would, therefore, surely be more suited for a career as a spy than as an actor?

Whisky Priestess

11:37 / 26.03.04

Let me remind you. (He's the one on the right)

Deva, you are clearly deficient in the rare but valuable Spader gene: I will not judge you.

11:58 / 26.03.04

Baz, let me know when its completed.

12:07 / 26.03.04

I once thought I was James Spader but sadly was only James Garner.

Oh, piffle. That's nothing to be sad about.

First time I saw Spader was in Sean Cunningham's The New Kids, where he and his mutant South Florida buddies tried to rape Lori Loughlin, and failing that, doused her with gasoline to try and set her on fire. According to IMDB, the film was written by Stephen Gyllenhaal, da to Maggie and whashisface. Odd.

Alan Shore is aces, though.

"Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Alan Shore. I'm currenly having sex with a prostitute right now, so please leave your name and number."

12:14 / 26.03.04

Keggers, are we talking a Rockford Files-era James Garner or an old dried-up Space Cowboy-era James Garner?

Cause if it's the former, hot damn, give me the recipe...

12:24 / 26.03.04

my favorite part in Keys to Tulsa is when Spader makes those kiss kiss noises, like hes calling a kitty, as hes looking for his prey

12:30 / 26.03.04

hmmm, does anyone know who directed "The Secretary"?

13:16 / 26.03.04

Steven Shainberg

...how easy our lives are thanks to IMDB...

14:59 / 26.03.04

james' face IS a bit forgettable, but his Presence is not.
you know what, the thing w/his face being forgettable is like, in the witches of eastwick, how no one can remember jack nicholson's character's name. james is just magical/evil. and so sexy that i just smashed my mouse into my eye, and i CAME.

i can't believe i just brought up the witches of freaking eastwick! i mean, when's the last time you thought of that movie. i'm sure i didn't even understand it when i saw it, i was like 8. i should rent it.

22:07 / 26.03.04

daryl van horn, i thought everyone knew that

22:11 / 26.03.04

Sorry Gridley, but its neither Rockford files or Space Cowboys era Garner..its a combination of Maverick and kodak commercial eras Garner.

22:12 / 26.03.04

Now see, James Spader sucks, utterly and entirely, but Whisky Priestess has definitely got the idea with John Cusack. Now, put him in a film with Anjelica HGuston. What, they did already? Wankfest! With some class performances too, and lethal citrus fruit.

09:34 / 27.03.04

Thanks, Whiskey, but by the time I'd scrolled down to the bottom of the thread I'd forgotten what he looked like again. When I try and picture his face I come up with Kiefer Sutherland in 24, which doesn't seem quite right, though I think maybe the haircuts were similar.

Maybe I should watch something with him in and see if that helps. From this thread, though, all his movies seem to be about beating secretaries or raping/setting fire to women, which isn't so much my cup of tea.

09:36 / 27.03.04

No! Just looked at the picture again and he looks nothing like Keifer Sutherland in 24! I think I might be missing, like, the "James Spader" receptor cells in the visual cortex or something, rather than a gene, but it's clearly not my fault, whatever it is.

I shall now return myself to my regular programme of thinking about Alan Rickman. Lalalalalalala.

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