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Objects I don't desire.

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Sax

13:44 / 10.03.04

A personalised car number plate.
A baseball cap.
Marzipan.
A big thick novel about three generations of women growing up in a northern town.
A pet bird of any kind.
The opportunity to swim with sharks.
A compilation CD featuring Katy Melua, Norah Jones and Hayley Westenra.
A life-sized pottery tiger.
Any kind of novelty socks or tie.
The Eighties nuclear war docu-drama Threads on VHS or DVD.

8===>Q: alyn

13:45 / 10.03.04

Eh? Sax, you are a coward with a paper tongue.

Bear

13:47 / 10.03.04

Your fear of Threads is growing by the day, I'm going to find it and send it too you - face your fear! ( I don't think I'll watch it again first)

Bed Head

13:48 / 10.03.04

The opportunity to swim with sharks.

Have you been hanging around the Guardian talkboards, by any chance?

Sax

13:51 / 10.03.04

Massykr: I am a coward.

Bear: Please, don't.

BedHead: No, why? Should I?

Ariadne

13:51 / 10.03.04

A television licence
Anything with buttons
Steak and chips
A ski pass

Why am I doing this again?

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:55 / 10.03.04

A Ford Mondeo.
A crate, barrel or even can of John Smiths bitter.
A Pink Floyd album.
A house in Swadlincote.
A signed copy of London Fields by Martin Amis.
A bust of Churchill.
An omibus edition of Hollyoaks on video, with the first episode of No Angels tacked on the end.
An electric razor.
A fancy modern mobile phone.
A Hellblazer t-shirt.

Grey Area

13:56 / 10.03.04

At least now we know what to throw at him when he's being uncouth again.

Sax

13:57 / 10.03.04

Ariadne - conversely, I would like all of those things. Just goes to show it would never have worked.

Flyboy - Yes, oh yes. Although John Smiths will do in a pinch. By the way, I have a video of the late-night Hollyoaks specials series which was filmed a few years ago, if you want it (it was a review copy. Honest) you know, the one where they all wore short skirts (well, shorter than normal) and sat around in hot tubs.

Any more?

Bed Head

13:58 / 10.03.04

Sax: The pros and cons of swimming with sharks has been quite the hot topic over there. Over there, in a corner, while the rest of the Guardian talkboard chews over weighty issues, that is. Wouldn’t want to see that kind of attitude around here, is all. Carry on, carry on.

Bear

14:02 / 10.03.04

A car
A subscription to "Nuts"
A cold
Anything to do with Harry Potter

Keep em

8===>Q: alyn

14:04 / 10.03.04

Nuggies

Sax

14:10 / 10.03.04

What am nuggies?

Fly, I meant to put a video mobile phone on my list, but forgot. Thanks for reminding me.

illmatic

14:17 / 10.03.04

A tub of Swarfega.

Ariadne

14:23 / 10.03.04

ooh, a tub of swarfega would be handy! I just had to look it up to see what it was.

What I don't want - the tub of "hair pomade" in my local shop that claims to be made of placenta.

Sax

14:26 / 10.03.04

Ewww! Though I suppose it would give you "foetal attraction".

Grey Area

14:28 / 10.03.04

*hits Sax with a morningstar made out of a block of marzipan, a big thick novel about three generations of women growing up in a northern town, a very sharp novelty license plate and a baseball cap, all tied together with a collection garish novelty ties*

Ariadne

14:30 / 10.03.04

Sax, I hate you.

Babies! Another thing I don't want. So I can't make my own pomade.

Bear

14:30 / 10.03.04

claims to be made of placenta.

You can put me down for none of that aswell, are they using that as a selling point?

Ariadne

14:32 / 10.03.04

Seems to be, it's written there on the front of the tub. It's one of those old, dustry-looking (no wonder!) white plastic tubs that seem to gather behind the counter of small shops.

Grey Area

14:34 / 10.03.04

Apparently it's not so much the placenta as the proteins it contains: "The nourishing placenta proteins in this cream promote smoothness and elasticity, improve skin texture and diminish fine lines, sun damage, age spots, and other irritation." How could I live another minute without it?

illmatic

14:38 / 10.03.04

I saw a cookery programme a while back where they ate placenta. Now I've no objection to people doing this kind of thing, might be a goodly source of vitamins etc. But what I do have an objection to is Hugh Fearnly Whatisname coming round, sauteeing it in garlic, adding herbs, and turning it into pate. I kid you not. Which was then served at a North London dinner party. To a load of social workers. Argh.

*adds to list*

Dinner parties, North London.

Ariadne

14:38 / 10.03.04

um. Thank you Grey Area. You either found a very odd site, or you live in Leytonstone. Perhaps you work in my local shop?

Sax

14:39 / 10.03.04

Placentas are weird looking things, mind. All blue and red veins. Wouldn't want one on my head. Or my dinner plate.

Sax

14:41 / 10.03.04

Anyway, stop rotting my thread.

Something else I wouldn't thank you for:

Fake tan.

Ariadne

14:41 / 10.03.04

I'm now afraid to open this thread in case I find a picture.

Objects I don't desire: pictures of red and blue veined things.

Ariadne

14:42 / 10.03.04

False nails
Jimmy Choo shoes
a pixie haircut

Bear

14:47 / 10.03.04

Fake Tan - check
Add real tan to the list...

I saw a sign claiming to have the fastest tanning in Croydon, kept thinking of giant microwaves.

Grey Area

14:55 / 10.03.04

Ariadne: No, I don't work in your local shop for local people.

My thynges:
An iPod
A fast car
A television
Reruns of The Brittas Empire
Gout

Jack Fear

14:55 / 10.03.04

A mobile phone.
Any sort of videogame system.
A collection of high-quality pornography.
Workout clothing, or indeed anything containing spandex or lycra.
Cosmetic surgery.
A toupee.
A medication to reverse hair loss.
Contact lenses.
DVDs of any episode of Buffy, Angel, The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, or indeed any telvision program ever.
Any body jewelry.
Any ink.
Any street credibility.

misterpc

14:59 / 10.03.04

a 'lifestyle consultant'
tv programmes about other tv programmes
bush for president. again
a kitten in a sack
ashton kuchner moving in next door
more fish

Ariadne

15:03 / 10.03.04

To be here.

I'm off - cheerio.

pomegranate

17:56 / 10.03.04

scented products of any kind for the vagina
gold jewelry, unless i could hock it
blonde hair dye
a john tesh cd
any software or hardware that does not run on mac os x
more grey hair
high-rise underwear
broken scissors

Spatula Clarke

18:08 / 10.03.04

A second pair of socks.

*sniffs socks*

Well, maybe.

8===>Q: alyn

18:16 / 10.03.04

I don't care! I work my fingers to the bone to provide for you people and you'll take what I give you!

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