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The Rhyming Summary Project

 
  

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Spatula Clarke
22:44 / 09.03.04
You know the one moderation action that bores me to tears around here? The one that makes my eyes want to crawl out of their sockets and have a nice long bath every time they're faced with it?

'Modify Summary'

I'm sure you can relate. Have a poke around. You can tell when a moderator's had to insert an abstract because the thread starter, for whatever reason, didn't. It'll be the one that starts with the word 'discuss'.

People, neither of these things put across the image of a board with massive amounts of creative energy. Here, then, is my proposed solution:

Every time you notice a thread with no abstract, create a four-line rhyme for it and post it here. The moderators of the relevant forum can then stick it into the offending thread. There are a couple up already - one in P&H and one in Music.

Rules: not only must your abstract scan as best you can manage, rhyme and be no longer than four lines, but it has to include the all-important searchable terms. That is, after all, one of the main reasons why the abstract functionality is there.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:48 / 09.03.04
I like it.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
01:38 / 10.03.04
Bravo, my young friend. Bravo.
 
 
Baz Auckland
02:23 / 10.03.04
Stoatie's poem:

"Deus ex: Invisible war"

Deus Ex was cracking cyberpunk fun;
now they've just published another one!
Let's use this thread to discuss this new game,
or it will just vanish, which would be a shame.



I've just put in a request for two more...
 
 
Baz Auckland
02:35 / 10.03.04
[ahem]

"I'm going away for the weekend... nice weather please!"
(6 replies, last at 11:12 19.07.02)

Stoatie's off to Bug Jam at this week's end,
the festival for volkswagen fans, and
it's nice weather he's hoping for,
for camping's no fun in a downpour!
 
 
Baz Auckland
07:37 / 10.03.04
[ahem again]

"Bad girls"
(24 replies, last at 20:33 09.03.04)
Are bad girls worth a date?
Are they the ones you hate?
The poster assumes bad girls are black,
and racism cries were shouted back...


"Salutations..."
(13 replies, last at 17:10 09.03.04)
"I am Invisible Now" graces us with a hello,
and the ass candles are all aglow!
An Invisibles fan from the Atlanta area,
we hope the initiation didn't scare ya!
 
 
Spatula Clarke
12:32 / 10.03.04
Two needed in Music - one for the Fantomas thread, one for the Soft Cell thread.

Anybody?
 
 
Grey Area
12:37 / 10.03.04
For the Soft Cell thread in music:

In here we talk about Soft Cell.
And how they seem to do so well.
Although some people disagree,
This thread is so the place to be.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
12:42 / 10.03.04
It's good, but it's a little vague. Do you think you could get a bit more about the thread in there? There's mention of sleaze in the thread, along with some stuff about them being the 80's take on the Velvet Underground. The last couple of lines in your abstract seem a bit throwaway, y'know?
 
 
Spatula Clarke
12:43 / 10.03.04
I *will* turn the topic abstract into an artform before I die.
 
 
Grey Area
12:47 / 10.03.04
Soft Cell thread, MkII:

In here we talk about Soft Cells,
Seedy sex dwarfs, funny pills.
Are they like the Velvet Underground,
Or do they have a unique sound?
 
 
Spatula Clarke
13:10 / 10.03.04
Oo. That's good. Do you mind if I suggest a Mk III?

In here we talk about Soft Cell
And the sleazy tales that Mark Almond would tell.
Were they the 80's Velvet Underground?
Pray tell: what do you like about their sound?
 
 
Bed Head
13:18 / 10.03.04
Obviously I can’t rhyme or scan properly. And, you *could* say this isn’t specific enough to what the thread is supposed to be discussing, but as Seth pointed out, it’s just another thread for music we rilly, rilly like. Oh, and it’s halfway down the forum and pretty much a dead thread anyway. But still...

Ecstatic Music

You’re clearly quite groovy, so ‘lither please tell
About all the tunes which are ringing your bell.
And stirring your porridge, and bending your spoon,
And generally hurling you over the moon.



My shite attempt aside, I like this sign that Barbelith is no longer All About The Invisibles. I recognize a substantial Rupert the Bear influence in all this. Which is no bad thing. Not at all.
 
 
Grey Area
13:18 / 10.03.04
Hmm...my suggestion for MkIV:

In here we talk about Soft Cell
And the sleazy tales Mark Almond would tell.
Were they the 80's Velvet Underground?
Pray tell: what do you like about their sound?

Yes, all I did was removed the 'that' from line two, but I think it makes it scan better.

Join Dupre and Grey next week when they create a freeform Haiku to be tattooed on Sax's uncouth forehead!
 
 
Spatula Clarke
13:24 / 10.03.04
Then, in week three: THRILL! as I batter any sense of spontaneity out of the hard graft of others! SCREAM! as I offend with my astonishing ability to sound patronising and superior to all around! LAUGH! as I get kicked in the balls!
 
 
Bed Head
13:43 / 10.03.04
umm..perhaps not quite the kind of thing you’re looking for...


Fantomas! What a splendid name for a band!
My opinions on music are oft second-hand,
My own taste makes me look such a clot.
Post here so I’ll know if they’re cool or not.



And ps: don’t be silly, Dupre. You’re the bees knees.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
13:55 / 10.03.04
The first line is aces. The rest, if you'll forgive me, isn't really summary material. How's about:

Fantomas! What a splendid name for a band!
hashmal finds Mike Patton’s group grand
Their third album’s being discussed
But matthew isn’t too fussed.

I like the idea of getting the threadstarter's name into as many summaries as possible - provides an extra level to the search facility. "I remember so-and-so starting a thread about this or that, but I can't remember what it was called."
 
 
Spatula Clarke
15:47 / 10.03.04
Blimey, but that's ugly. Apologies to everyone who had to read it. Fixed now!

Fantomas! What a splendid name for a band!
hashmal believes that Mike Patton’s group's grand.
Within this thread their third album’s discussed,
Though matthew (nee Flux) appears rather nonplussed.
 
 
grant
15:51 / 10.03.04
This House of Secrets thread in Comics requires an abstract.

In the 90s, when Vertigo
exhumed old titles, there was one I know
by Steven Seagle and Teddy Kristiansen
Set in Seattle... so what's it like, then?
 
 
Spatula Clarke
16:14 / 10.03.04
So does the How do you get a job writing in comics? thread. Might I suggest:

Advice is requested on comics employment
On writing and drawing for others’ enjoyment
Methods of publishing, submissions too
Could we soon be reading a comic by you?
 
 
Bed Head
17:40 / 10.03.04
I love this thread. I love this idea. I love these topic abstracts. They make all other topic abstracts look like shoddy underachievers.
 
 
agvvv
07:35 / 11.03.04
X-box majik, Magick

In here we discuss the wonderful fuzz
Known as videogames, created by us
Can we change it, make it cross
Into the world known to be gloss?
 
 
Spatula Clarke
12:55 / 11.03.04
Somebody give the Comics moderators a kick.

The Valis thread needs one:

Quite an old thread, but one worth perusing
On Philip K Dick and the drugs he was using
The adoption of sci-fi as philosophical tool
Barbelith thinks that PKD rules.

As does Is there any good fantasy anywhere?, if anyone can come up with something.
 
 
sleazenation
13:05 / 11.03.04
hey, don't look at me i proposed it...
 
 
Grey Area
13:40 / 11.03.04
For the 'is there any good fantasy' thread, slightly adapted from (and with great apology to) Coleridge:

Fantasy, fantasy everywhere,
But not a book to read!
Recommend something to Well in here,
That would be a smashing deed.
 
 
grant
14:11 / 11.03.04
I'd want the X-box Magik one to mention video games or computers (just for the search function, see). And I wonder if terms like "gothic" or "no tolkien" or "authors" should show up in the fantasy books one.
 
 
Baz Auckland
16:20 / 11.03.04
"Was " The Knowledge " A Misunderstood Genius ?"
(12 replies, last at 12:11 11.03.04)

A thread about The Welshman
Who enjoys a lifetime 'lith ban
Is a bad idea many think
Let this topic quickly sink!
 
 
Michelle Gale
16:26 / 11.03.04
michelle gale,desire...a wind vale
what is thought but a language abstraction?
A quel heur, is but a fraction
ma ma ba la paction
 
 
grant
22:27 / 11.03.04
ah, that works nicely with the X-box one.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
11:19 / 12.03.04
Hmm. The 'fantasy' one:

Harrison, Armstrong, Crowley and Peake
Pullman, Le Guin and others we seek
Authors who write for the fantasy scene
(Anyone bar J.R.R. Tolkien)
 
 
grant
17:56 / 12.03.04
Ooo! Make it so!

Should this thread be in Policy?
 
 
Spatula Clarke
18:21 / 12.03.04
Yeah, why not? Policy could do with some brightening up and I only started it here because I wasn't sure if it'd take.
 
 
Jack Fear
14:49 / 20.03.04
For the "Sin City" thread in Film:

Directorial duties for the film of Sin City
(First a comic, depraved, nihilistic and gritty)
Have now been assigned, in a chat over vino,
To Miller, Rodriguez, and Q. Tarantino.
 
 
Jack Fear
14:56 / 20.03.04
For the Prof X thread:

Do you like him pragmatic? Daft, or a realist?
As a visionary, or a cock-eyed idealist?
As manipulator, or mutant saviour?
What's your favorite take on Charles Xavier?
 
 
Tryphena Absent
12:11 / 25.03.04
Appeal: can we have a rhyming summary for the A, F & D thread Unwritten rules, especially in consumer culture. I can't rhyme so I've written a boring, descriptive summary but would be happy to change that!
 
  

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