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Let's overcomplicate an already divisive situation, shall we? Let me see the CONFLICT!!!

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STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:21 / 09.03.04

Okay. Randy's started the ball rolling vis a vis quantity/size where pies are concerned.

Just thought it'd be interesting to see how this goes when overlaid on the existing pirate/ninja demographic.

Do ninjas like lots of pies, cos there's room to hide? Or one big one they can jump out of?

And pirates... would the naked avarice we display lead us to an enormous pie we could display as a trophy to our crew, or would more and smaller pies stave off the scurvy better?

Grey Area

11:25 / 09.03.04

*facepalm*

...in the name of Christmas and all things good, weren't things complicated enough? Bad Stoat! Bad, bad, bad, BAD Stoat!

Kit-Cat Club

11:25 / 09.03.04

Pirates like huge pies, obviously.

I have no idea why this is obvious, but it is... (I think it is because of my visions of pirates happily bathing in the pie, waving their cutlasses around covered in gravy).

Grey Area

11:28 / 09.03.04

But surely the democratic plunder-sharing principles of piracy would advocate the use of many small pies? Although a large pie would render unto the pirates a large pie dish, suitable for use as omni-directional lifeboat.

Spatula Clarke

11:30 / 09.03.04

Aw, Stoatie. I'm sorry to burst you bubble, but the ninja and the pirate cannot exist in the same world as the individual large pie and its many small brethren. Stephen Hawking has shown quite conclusively that this is the result of evolution, in his work The Ninja and the Pirate Cannout Exist in the Same World as the Individual Large Pie and its Many Small Brethren, by Stephen Hawking age 32 and three quarters.

Indeed, it has been suggested by many scholars in the field that the large pie is an evolution of the pirate and many small pies are all that remains of the ninja brotherhood.

You muppet.

Kit-Cat Club

11:31 / 09.03.04

Large pies seem so much more anarchic, somehow. Much better suited to the life of a freewheeling buccaneer. Don't you think small pies smack of the nanny state? It must be the implicit portion control.

Grey Area

11:37 / 09.03.04

...I guess pirates want the large pie after all.

Goodness Gracious Meme

11:42 / 09.03.04

no, no, no, you foooools. Listen to Randy

Pie cancels out Ninjas and Pirates. It's just too goodly and sweet to coexist with them.

PIE FOREVER!!!

Jub

11:46 / 09.03.04

Pirates are hearty. Eating pies is hearty. Is there a similarity there? What have Ninja's ever done for the world of pies?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:46 / 09.03.04

Richard Scarry knows whereof he speaks. He invented Lowly Worm (for some bizarre Freudian reason, my favourite character when I was but a small stoat) and therefore KNOWS HIS SHIT.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:47 / 09.03.04

Oh, and another phase of my evil plan reaches fruition... I have, through the medium of pie, tricked bip into joining in a ninjas/pirates debate.

ARRRR!!!

Spatula Clarke

11:50 / 09.03.04

Medium pie? I've heard rumours, but... is it true? Could such a monstrosity truly exist?

Bed Head

11:56 / 09.03.04

Aren’t there documented historical cases of ninjas concealing themselves just beneath the crust of giant pies, so as to get close enough to assassinate their posh enemies? - A local bigwig gets a huge pie carried in for his birthday, and at the first cut teams of murderous, black-clad ninjas leap out and slay the entire party. A tradition which has passed down to the present day in the custom of playboy bunnies and giant birthday cakes. So there you have it: what happened to all the ninjas? They evolved into playboy bunnies. And cake is the new pie. It all dovetails.

Grey Area

12:01 / 09.03.04

Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye;
Four and twenty ninjas
Baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened,
No-one out did spring.
They all got baked to cinders
How depress-ing.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

12:06 / 09.03.04

And how many time have you ever heard tell of a pirate being accidentally baked in a pie?

None.

That's how many.

Fucking none. Sod all.

Pirates respect pie. We love pie. We don't accidentally let it kill us. No. Leave that for the ninjing fuckers who dress in pyjamas ALL THE TIME!!!

Goodness Gracious Meme

12:07 / 09.03.04

Oi! Stoatie! Over here!

SPLAT.

and that, ladies and gents, is why pie ROOLZ

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm a pirate and I betcha I could bake a pie.

grant

14:06 / 09.03.04

Ninjas = the many. They scatter like seeds in the wind, each seed hiding behind a small pie. These are the grasses, the grasses from which wheat pie is made. (and it is once again the season for wheat pie).

Pirates = the consolidated crew, the shared party, the vast feast in tight quarters, the single pie with enough filling for every man-jack aboard this ship!
Avast, ye scurvy sea dogs, for it is pie sailing there off the starboard bow! Pie, ye lubbers! Pie!

---

17:15 / 09.03.04

I bet you could find some ninjas that like those little custard pies.

pomegranate

17:22 / 09.03.04

as usual, grant knows all, tells all.

salix lucida

17:59 / 09.03.04

Either way, darkness makes the pie sweeter.

agvvv

18:13 / 09.03.04

Since my great grandfather was infact a ninja, I think I am best suited to tell you their likes and dislikes. Ninjas dont eat pie at all, only ketchup. And sometimes, if they are getting it on with the pirates, they like... can you guess what they like?

Cheap. Easy. Cruel.

18:15 / 09.03.04

can you guess what they like?

Oooooooh! Oooooooh! I think I know! Is it the gay loving, that is so addictive, from the gay marriage thread?

agvvv

18:16 / 09.03.04

It was all a great lie. My grandfather was a pirate. He loved pie, and so, (said the ninjas) he had to die

That's not pie, ERD. It's a flan. Pirates love a hearty pie but are very suspicious of poncy flans. But a real pirate seldom has time for anything except pizza.

Ninjas on the other hand are all on the Atkins Diet, so they can't take the pastry.

Grey Area

21:08 / 09.03.04

This poll currently has lots of small pies leading one big pie by 5 votes to 2, regardless of whether you be a proud pirate with may a swash and a buckle...or a ninja.

(and apparently E. Randy Dupre has accepted my cherry. I feel strangely violated)

sleazenation

21:18 / 09.03.04

but who ate all the pies?

Spatula Clarke

21:43 / 09.03.04

That's not pie, ERD. It's a flan.

Hoist by my own petart!

---

03:03 / 10.03.04

Swinging it back to ninja pie : White Ninja.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

03:22 / 10.03.04

Aha! White Ninja's pie heaven contains many small pies.

The Return Of Rothkoid

03:51 / 10.03.04

In answer to the question "Who ate all the pies?" you can pretty much suggest that it was the pirates. With ale.

Except they didn't pay for them. They plundered them.

Ninjas = too uptight with body image to worry about pies. Unless they were tofu pies.

Mourne Kransky

09:00 / 11.03.04

There is a ninja ordinance dating from ancient times governing the matter of pie ingestion.

Anything bigger than a small Melton Mowbray pork pie may only be used as a projectile in battle and never consumed. Leaves them with Pop Tarts basically. I would imagine they could be lethal too, in the right ninjoid hands.

Grey Area

09:06 / 11.03.04

Let me just state for the record that it was pirates (yes!) who came up with the idea of launching just-heated pop tarts at their enemies, so that the steaming hot filling may cause them much napalm-like distress when it sticks to them after squirting out of the shattered casing.

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