London privacy

07:13 / 09.03.04

Just wondering if anyone knew of a discreet, cheap and warm suggestion/location in London area. Bit of a shot in the dark - I recently started an affair and need a place apart from both our flats to meet. Hotels seem a bit formal, expensive and unromantic. Ta for any ideas.

07:44 / 09.03.04

The toilets at Waterstones in Picadilly are surprisingly roomy. You can "warm up" first over drinks and a cake downstairs, or perhaps browse the 'Erotica' section.

Failing that, I'm sure we could make room in the Barbelith Bedsit.

Now, tell us all about this affair.

08:03 / 09.03.04

"Just wondering if anyone knew of a discreet, cheap and warm suggestion/location in London area"

Oddly enough, have been wondering about the very same thing this morning.

But not to facilitate an affair, that's much more interesting than my reason.

best i'd come up with thus far was glasshouse at Kew Gardens.

enjoy.... but yeah, tell all. Play faiiir

Sax

08:20 / 09.03.04

Bit of a shot in the dark

Heh.

09:39 / 09.03.04

The back seat of the cinema? A van with a mattress? A tent with a thick sleeping bag? I'm not sure what you're after, luminocity. Surely hotels can be very romantic? It doesn't have to be the Travelodge, you know.

Sax

09:58 / 09.03.04

Bugger the venue, give us the details.

Grey Area

10:10 / 09.03.04

Sax, isn;t sexual intercourse with buildings illegal in the UK?

My suggestion would be to pick up a B&B guide. Homely & comfortable plus you get a nice breakfast. Work your way around a map of Greater London, drawing a carnal mystic symbol. Could be fun...

Sax

10:15 / 09.03.04

Sax, isn't sexual intercourse with buildings illegal in the UK?

Well,it used to be illegal to have sex with the servant's entrance, but not any more.

10:18 / 09.03.04

Not so sure about B&Bs. I'd prefer a leisurely room service breakfast in bed to sitting in a chintzy dining room eating a fried breakfast and making polite conversation with the landlady, while trying not to shock her with the details of your affair. Having an affair in a B&B seems terribly Carry On, it's bound to all go wrong.

10:21 / 09.03.04

I guess I'm just clueless with no imagination (and crucially, no money). Kew is a good one I hadn't thought of, ta. What's your reason BiP?
I'm flattered by the curiosity, but ya know, there's a reason why this kind of thing stays secret. It's so you lot don't turn up in Kew gardens with bottles of Tanglefoot, digicams and a laugh track.

Jub

10:27 / 09.03.04

I'm flattered by the curiosity, but ya know, there's a reason why this kind of thing stays secret.

What, you mean like posting it on the internet? If you're going to elicit help on places to shag, I think that warrants a certain closeness of feeling between us all, and therefore you're secret is safe! C'mon Luminocity - who are you rutting? and why all the secrecy?

Sax

10:27 / 09.03.04

Get a private pod on the London Eye. One revolution and Bob's your uncle.

Grey Area

10:31 / 09.03.04

If you can't get a private pod, convince the gaggle of Japanese tourists that board with you that it's 'the done thing' to shag on London Eye on broad daylight and then make your discreet getaway on the confusion that ensues when the doors open to reveal a bunch of nude orientals at it hammer and tongs.

Sax

10:39 / 09.03.04

Time for a Barbelith terrace chant, I think.

Who's that shagging in Kew Gardens?
Who's that bonking on the Eye?
Is it Luminocity,
Torn between a B&B
And two weeks camping on the Isle of Skye?

10:43 / 09.03.04

Just get brave and wait till one of your partners are out then use the bed. I mean, if you're going to be shitty, may as well go all the way.

10:43 / 09.03.04

Uh. You're just confirming my fear that this is a sticky situation. It's quite hard to come clean about my paramour. I derive some satisfaction from letting someone else in on the act, because this is dirty laundry that it would be unwise to air in public. Sorry for any frustration I cause you, rest assured that my frustration is considerably greater. Can you tell?

Sax

10:47 / 09.03.04

Presumably you're both in relationships, then? (stopped taking the piss, now, by the way). Honestly, I'm interested. I've been in that situation before and might be able to offer advice, or at least to share the benefits of my wicked experience. But we need more to go on.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

10:51 / 09.03.04

Dude, 'fess up. You're going to get busted eventually anyway, so why dig yourself in any deeper?

10:56 / 09.03.04

You don't have to give us any details that aren't in themselves sordid, y'know.

_Boboss

10:58 / 09.03.04

sounds like anywhere a bit pokey and suburban in the nineteen-seventies would suit you down to the ground.

11:05 / 09.03.04

Ok ok. I definitely asked for the piss-taking it's been fun, don't stop unless you want to. The situation is this:
We are both London students. I am not in any other relationship. She has been going with her boyfriend (I don't know him well) for around four years. We have a strong connection and have agreed to give it a try in the hopes that we have some fun, she gets some stress relief from studies and home life, and we don't get hurt too badly... The other guy will never know (here I may be deluding myself) and honestly I don't think either of them know where that relationship is going or whether it will last.
The problem is that we have nowhere to go, our places are hardly ever free.
Any advice gratefully recieved, so long as it isn't 'Cool the motors, Dude! Let us see what Squirt does.'

_Boboss

11:08 / 09.03.04

to be serious, and from my personal point of view only, if she's too much of a coward to tell her boyfriend then she wouldn't be a worthy bed-partner anyway.

11:16 / 09.03.04

Another point. Everyone *always* thinks the partner won't find out.

Almost without fail, they do. Trust me on this one.

Bed Head

11:18 / 09.03.04

'Cool the motors, Dude!

I so wish I gave advice like that. The only detail you left out that I’m curious about is whether the boyf could easily beat you up when he finds out.

invisible_al

11:23 / 09.03.04

No such thing as the zipless fuck mate and he will find out, it'll all end horribly, crying, wailing, gnashing of teeth and all that...

Can we stop yet?

But a question does occur, who fancies a picnic in Kew Gardens when the weather turns nice again?

11:25 / 09.03.04

or whether it will last
If she's fucking around after four years, it's a pretty good bet it won't last.

I suppose the question is, do you want a 'relationship' with her, or just a shag or two? At the risk of sounding like your Mum (or my Mum, anyway), if she cheats on him, she can cheat on you.

God, I've turned into Auntie Ariadne again - I'll shut up. Look after yourself, and watch out for spiky plants at Kew.

11:25 / 09.03.04

The boyfriend could, if he were so inclined, beat up Wigu's studly dad.

11:31 / 09.03.04

Is he the captain of the school football team, and be ye the captain of the school chess team?

Anyway, I think everyone here is being a judge mental jigga, what. Fascists. Just because it isn't right, doesn't mean we haven't all done it. Creep on the down low, don't take it personal I'm tapping your miss... Anyone who says otherwise is just being PC.

Bed Head

11:32 / 09.03.04

Well then, I think the fact that you’re quite prepared to receive an inevitable face-mashing at some future point, just so you can occasionally be with her in the short term, is wonderfully romantic. And I bet she thinks so too.

Jub

11:37 / 09.03.04

Get a private pod on the London Eye. One revolution and Bob's your uncle.

Tried and failed. Apparently people did do this in the early days of the Eye. You can still hire a whole pod, but now (much to my chagrin) they include a member of staff ostensibly for "safety purposes". Our chaperone was a young Aussie girl who I think was as embarrassed as us.

11:39 / 09.03.04

Bed Head, i hope yr not handing out that sort of advice to our neice?

*looks sternly over specs at BH*

And will someone give Flyboy the Grey his shot, looks like it's overdue.

Sax

12:13 / 09.03.04

When, as a young swordsman oft to be found up to the third knuckle in all manner of unsuitable shenanigans, I tossed mesel' on fate's capricious tide and delivered myself into the quagmire of the old extra-maritals, a dear friend from Clitheroe with the manner of a curmudgeonly old miner but the soul of a poet offered me some advice as I, wracked with guilt and indecision, sobbed into my ale and cried to an uncaring universe what am I going to do?.

His advice was this: Give her a poke in a quiet place.

To you I pass on these sage words. Get it while the getting's good. And emerge with a spring in your step, a smile on your face, but not the expectation of anything long-lasting and worthwhile. She's fun, but she's a tramp, bro.

12:24 / 09.03.04

er, as opposed to the boy who er, 'pokes' the girl with a partner?

For fucks' sake, Sax.

(really, my glass house is all broken and shattered over here...)