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The Barbelith Candidate [PICS]

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17:50 / 25.02.04

Hello, moi droogs.

I know I've been neglecting you guys somewhat lately, but that's because I've been busily preparing my suprise bid for the Oval Office. That's right! I'm running for President of the United States as a Democrat, and, because my birthday is on "Super" Tuesday, Mar 2, when the Democratic candidate will chosen, I expect to win it. I will stand on my Gulf War service, my reputation as a crimefighter (due largely to my pivotal role in foiling the takeover of Barbelith by gangsters in #500), my history of triumph as a mockster of the rational and irrational alike, and my undeniable sex appeal. I'll be a combination of Jesse Ventura and that porn actress who served in the Italian parliament.

It remains for me to select my cabinet, and I propose to form my government entirely out of Barbelith posters. Please make your nominations here, as I will be busy campaigning aboard the "Goddamn Vagina", my campaign tour bus. (NOTE: Stoat has already accepted a position as Secretary of Badgers.)

18:04 / 25.02.04

I will also answer questions about my candidacy, my plans for the future of this fine country, and my sexual history.

Cripes, I need a press secretary.

18:11 / 25.02.04

As an expert in equivocation, prevarication and obfuscation, it would be inaccurate of me to say that I would not be saddened to learn of the fact that I had not been selected as your press secretary.

Matthew Fluxington

18:26 / 25.02.04

As Massykr's campaign manager, I will make him appeal to you all by securing huge donations, which I will spend on ad campaigns and bribing journalists to tell the people what to think. Massykr is going to be the best Democratic candidate ever, and an even better President!

There won't be any debates this year either. There will just be knife fights! Stay tuned to your tv set, because Massykr is going to gut George W on live tv!

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

18:47 / 25.02.04

oh, a fucking stoat gets all the badgers eh?!! I had fucknig posters of badgrs on my wall when I was a fucking kid and what do I have to show for it now?!?!once I went to this place called dorrset and there was an old lady and she showed me her badgers who she fed an it was nite an it was kool. I fed them and we took pictures and a stoat gets the badgerS? fuck that mother fuckker. You are totally direspecting me and i will have no part in thes procedings.

You dont even got chain fights!

hehn hehn hehn

Matthew Fluxington

19:01 / 25.02.04

Eh, don't listen to him, M. This Suedehead guy's a limey. He can't vote.

19:31 / 25.02.04

Can I be Evil Director of Human Resources? Can I? I could do some pretty sick things with my evil memetics, considering the fact that im a magnificent computer.

19:36 / 25.02.04

Can I head all your Black Op/Wetwork deallings? And be Minister of Gettin' Down! ?

19:37 / 25.02.04

"Director of Human Resources" is a corporate title, not a cabinet position. I could make you my "Job Czar" or something, I guess, but I'm pretty sure that now is not, in fact, a good time for evil computers to take over America. I am the anti-evil candidate. A vote for me is a vote for Good.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

19:37 / 25.02.04

That guys a canuck!

20:01 / 25.02.04

Damn it! I can be good..really.. I can serve as your personal computer, manufacturing nice propaganda?

22:58 / 25.02.04

I actually know someone who used to be, effectively, Secretary of Bagders around here. And Bats.

May I be High Mistress of Bouncing Around?

23:03 / 25.02.04

Only if I can be the High Priestess of Odd again.

Actually, then it would be beginning to sound a lot like a religious cult and not so much like a Presidential campaign. Oh...

23:53 / 25.02.04

Can I be the Administrator of Sexual Education?

00:08 / 26.02.04

I've gotta say, the phrase "The Barbelith Candidate" is giving me a whole different set of connotations...

Qalyn, why don't you pass the time with a game of solitaire?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

00:13 / 26.02.04

Secretary Of Badgers. I like the sound of that.

Do I get pie?

00:35 / 26.02.04

Where's pie? *sniffs*

Damn- as High Mistress of Bouncing Around, I might get sick if I eat pie. But then I do need all the pie there is to facilitate constant bouncing and bopping.

03:24 / 26.02.04

Can I be ambassador to Japan? or Austria? Plllleeeease?

11:31 / 26.02.04

You've got the wrong guy, Jack, I have a terrible singing voice. It's the lisp, you know.

Good gravy, people, haven't you ever taken a civics course? We have Secretaries, not Ministers. Sometimes we have Commissioners and Directors, and increasingly we have Czars, but I can't imagine the utility of a Bouncing Around Czar or an Odd Czar.

Baz, you can be the American ambassador to Self-Awaria. I have big plans for that place.

11:38 / 26.02.04

I know I'm not a US citizen so it might be a bit tricky for you to arrange, but I'd like to be the head of the FBI. I really want to find out what happened to Samantha Mulder.

12:08 / 26.02.04

...oo oo, or the head of the CIA - so I can close down SD6 and their affiliates once and for all!

Less searchable M0rd4nt

12:41 / 26.02.04

Massykr: Would you like to put to rest, once and for all, the scurrilous yet persistant rumor that you are, in fact, a meathead?

12:47 / 26.02.04

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

The Massykr for President campaign proudly announces two new appointments.

Matthew Fluxington has been named Campaign Manager. Mr. Fluxington, a highly regarded Life-Coach, has joined the campaign because, as he puts it, "Politics is just the continuation of Life-Coaching through other means." We look forward to Mr. Fluxington's contributions to our effort to promulgate our message to those who need to hear it.
Mr. Fluxington's first act was to place "Toksik" on the short list for the position of Drug Czar.

Masskyr 2004! is also pleased to report that a press secretary has been selected. This press secretary will handle all communications with the press, and all requests for comments by the candidate should be forwarded to him. Massakyr is available for appearances at rallies, debates, and hootenannies as fits in his schedule. Please contact for more info.

Massykr 2004! - "Vote for me, it's my birthday!"

Paid for by Citizens for Massykr in 2004.

12:47 / 26.02.04

I am Massykr and I have approved this message.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

12:51 / 26.02.04

What aboot me? Am willing to lerAN.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

14:13 / 26.02.04

Ahh, the ever-cynical and sarcastic speechwriter. Gutsy and not afraid to speak up or clash with authority, his dry wit is amusing. But under it all he's just a big teddy bear... and the world's biggest Yankees fan.
:: Which West Wing character are you? ::

14:42 / 26.02.04

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

It has come to the attention of this campaign that several unscrupulous and untrustworthy people have been circulating rumors regarding the candidate's alleged membership in a certain subclass of people. While the candidate does not wish to dignify this gutter politics with a denial or confirmation of these rumors, he did have this to say:

"Let them think I am a Meathead. I am one, in a way, and I am not one, in another way. I represent all the people of these United States, including those who have heads made of meat. Furthermore, I have been known to enjoy a campfire and a can of beans. These rumors are just politics of the gutteriest kind. The answer is "no."

The candidate supports equal rights and respect for ALL subclasses of people, except in cases when that support conflicts with a previous statement made by the candidate, or is against the deeply held tenets of his personal religious beliefs.

Massykr 2004! - "Vote for me, it's my birthday!"

Paid for by Citizens for Massykr in 2004.

14:44 / 26.02.04

I am Massykr and I have approved this message.

14:46 / 26.02.04

Hey! You didn't mention if I could be the head all your Black Op/Wetwork deallings? And be Minister of Gettin' Down! ?
Thats just rude! Fine ! Be That Way! You just better get used to driving around with the top up...you're gonna be the object of my grassy-knolling! Im forming a coupe before you get into power!!!

Vive la Resistance!!!

14:49 / 26.02.04

Smart, sexy, and sassy, both the press and other staffers know not to mess with Claudia Jean. A natural at her job, the press secretary is sensitive toward women's issues and stands up for 'the Sisterhood.' Her wit and one-liners along with her lip synching ability are known across the land.

:: which west wing character are you? ::

Clearly, Massykr knows how to pick 'em. That's me alright.

15:01 / 26.02.04

As the captain of the Bartlet Administration's boat, the chief of staff is a work-a-holic. As the captain of the Bartlet Administration's boat, the chief of staff is a work-a-holic. Although he is sometimes haunted by the demons of his past alcohol and drug abuse, because of his character and perserverance there is no one more admired on the staff than he. :: Which West Wing character are you? ::

15:04 / 26.02.04

Kegs, you're hired. I don't care if you are Canadaeish. I've always wanted to go moose-hunting anyway. But you can't possibly be a Minister because we practice a separation of church and state in these United States, unlike your own degenerate socialism. (You might think it is irreligious of us to practice a separation of church and state, but you'd be wrong. We consider government a very demeaning business and would rather not get God all smirchy with it.)

Somebody fix these goddam margins before I make a federal case out of it!

16:45 / 26.02.04

Nice work.

16:49 / 26.02.04

We should hire the person who sorted it out.

16:59 / 26.02.04

Waddaya know?!? Total coinky-dink, folks!

Powerful. Intimidating. Trivia Nazi. President Bartlet is all of these and more. A super-nerd who's into chess, National Parks, and rambling off things in Latin, POTUS is the 'real thing.' Not being completely upfront with the American people may cause him re-election headaches, though... :: Which West Wing character are you? ::

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