Well, when I turned nineteen, it turned out to be an interesting day. Started out with a few presents from mum ( who's staying with me until she can find a new flat) which was nice. I grabbed some nice apricot and almond muffins from Clark's ( Damn near the best cafe in town for cost and quality) for breakfast on the run as I went to catch my morning class of art history, which I absolooouutly love ( even if half the class hates me). After that I grabbed a quick shower, threw on some eyeliner (which I'm getting the hang of I think), and ran out the door and went to the hairdressers ( I know Keggers, I appreciate the irony (although that said, I kinda like the changes she made).
After that I went to the internet cafe a had a look at this message board I found a while back but only just started using, and felt a great deal of warm fuzzies. After that, I popped down to the arcade where I said I'd meet everyone. The horrible thing is I wasn't wanting to make a big deal out of my birthday, but then met this american exchange student the other week... (EVERYONE groans simultaneously).
The rest of the afternoon/ evening was fairly uneventful. Went for a walk with a friend and had the worst vegetarian pizza known to man (from Dominos *shudder*. Never again. ). Tried my hardest to not show that I fancied anyone. Played pool with a stranger. Tried to cheer up this younger guy I know who's the group's official moper. Got a lot of fabulous homemade type cards. A few laughs. Nothing much.
Anyhow by the end of the evening everyone had left save for a few including The Moper (Everyone understands why I'm not using names right?). As I was leaving he passed me a note saying:
To -----,
Remember me
Happy birthday
------
I smiled at him thinking it was just an impromptue birthday card, and then left. About fifteen minutes later on the bus, looking back on the various conversations I had that day, and then felt intensly stupid. People who talk to you about sliting thier wrists and give you notes saying "Remeber me" shouldn't be left alone by themselves to do something stupid. I was trying to figure out whether or not to take it seriously or not. In the end I figured that I'd hate myself more if it was serious and I did nothing rather than just phoning him when I got home. Of course I didn't have his number so I had to call other friends of his in the middle of the night, to see if he was all right. Noone could get ahold of him. I went to bed with various bits and pieces stewing in my head ( some more personal than I feel like sharing).
Found out today it was "a misunderstanding", which I felt was bullshit. You don't tell someone your suicidal fantasys then give them a note later that night saying "remember me" without thinking of the repercusions of it all. Except noone else seemed to think so. So here I am, feeling angry and ignored and used. Which in turn makes me angry at myself for being selfish, seeing as I'm not the miserable one.
Business as usual in other words.
Sorry guys. I shouldn't really have bought my baggage in on this thread, but I didn't have an outlet to vent today and I didn't want to start an emotional baggge thread. On a different note though, I'd love to thank everyone for sharing, especially Fred, Deva and Stoatie for saying stuff that just really clicked with me.
Your all gorgeous. |
