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Nrvous - Let's Battle

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18:26 / 04.02.04

You say that you're nervous, well boy you should be*
Cos I'm bad like the mood of the French on Lundi
Your played out posts cannot compete with the host
Your skills are ficticious, just like powdered toast
I make net profits, your style is just gross
Your style's as convincing as the acting on Crossroads
I'll spell it out in morse code if you wanna, the only
chance you stand is by the hand of God like Maradonna
You still nervous? You seem to be sweating, I'm betting that the
Tears are welling up around the back of your retina, setting the
Tone from the start, I leave crowds satisfied, you leave 'em parched
Your ass is double parked, recognise the double line
You're in trouble swine, now the mud's flyin', this is what it sounds like when the motherfuckin' doves' cry
forty percent, I score raw with bawdy intent, so give a pause before you think of dissent, don't even ask me to clarify, cos you know just what I meant...

*Or if you're a girl, then change that to girl, obviously. (Biatch)

23:26 / 04.02.04

Forty per cent? More like ten less than fifty.
You come up in here like your style be so nifty -
Just a dirty fake and fridge gonna scrub ya,
You be throwin up lies like your name was George Dubya.
I'm kicking the truth and you know that, you feelin,
Your hand starts to shake on the mic, see, you reelin,
You know your rhymes be ugly like Uncle Fester.
My thoughts be breaking out like Errico Malatesta.
What is to be done? Get your weak shit out of here,
No doubt in here - no clout in here, you just lost the bout in here.

23:30 / 04.02.04

Forty percent, your flow ain’t making me tense
Making as much sense as a lemur speaking to me in french
Not going on the defence, your shit don’t make any sense
You’re an insipid, exhaustingly repetitious expense
Of Gypsy’s valuable time, not wasting no more of mine
Listening to your bitching and sniping and stirring up troublesome rhyme
Bitch, you see, I’ve had it with you
You know what I want you to do
Go and find a corner of barbelith and crawl up in it
Cos you, make me sick and tired of hearing
All of the thoughts that you’re airing
I can’t be bothered to summon up any cussing and swearing
So I guess it comes down to this
What you wrote is weaker than piss
Son, you should regret what you started
Cos you ain’t finishing this

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

23:37 / 04.02.04

Sha la la la la
My rap POPS out from behind a cupboard
Mother Hubbard
I feel rug-gard!
I only read writing by the great bard
Under trees, in the breeze
A squirrel makes me sneeze

Jeez Loueeeeeeez!

la la la la

Pop rap shunning, all about the fun -
In this day and age,
we all get played
when all I know is
"call a spade a spade"
"call a rake a rake"
"a man called jake is called jake"
You little fake monkey
I'm super funky
But I'm gettin' kinda chunky
I blame the flunkies
And all the rappers who perpetuate,
that fat rap image,
Like it's ok,
hey ho!
Just say NO!
To hogies and subs, to the 80s and dub!

Time for the rap game,
To have no shame,
get like the indie scene,
Lean and mean
So skinny we're mean
So skinny we're mean
la la la la la

So skinny we're mean

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

00:02 / 05.02.04

My rap is unique,
I feel like a freak!
I hope my rhymes appeal to the undie scene
undie- pant?
I am scant-
ily clad
in some little boots
and a cap
lap it up

I don't think you're crap
It's not like you shat your rap
Maybe you all just need a nap
Dream that you're a bat-
Man,
I GOT A GAT MAN!
Nah, I'm not a twat, man

DOUBLE YELLOW LINES!
YOU CAN'T PARK THERE!

How did you pass your test?
This is not a jest,
road safety is the next
thing on my list
if you get my gist
you better understand it's a serious
BU-SI-NESS

not like chess, which is for geeks
freaks and geeks
not so unique
not like me
i'm a rap about aliens
and space and mars
mars bars
and floating cars and stars

I collect bugs in jars.

09:57 / 05.02.04

My rhyme’s like Bruce Lee busting up the pagoda
You’re like that goddamn fight scene with a cartoon Yoda
But your shit aint animated
Slouches along like a zombie
I move quick like Dracula
Scratch that, I’m fly like Blackula
Every line I put down is spectacular
Not like your fucking stunted vernacular
You run your mouth off like that
I’ll slap you down like Mick Foley
You’re coming on like Paul Daniels to my Mister fuckingAleiste r Crowley
Hatching schemes from your chair like you’re the mother fucking Mekon
But you string words together like some hip hop Joey Deacon
Mr Han man, you come straight out of a comic book
Even Fridge magnet could beat you, I won’t give you a second look
You’re desperate – rhyming like you’re lost in the forest
Don’t come the Jackie Chan with me, you’re just a cheap Chuck Norris
He got his ass handed to him by the dragon in Rome
My flow is broadband, you’re struggling with a dial up tone

11:05 / 05.02.04

Even Fridge magnet could beat you

Goddamn, you're not looking to make friends in this thread are you?

Alright, time to take out the trash...

Gypsy, you're more than a little fucking tispy
to come with a style that's so weak and flimsy
You think you got tricks, but me battling you is like
Pixies battling the Dixie Chicks
You must have your bandana on too tight or sumthin
You're style's about as hardcore as Emma Bunton
You little Spice Girl, give us a twirl!
I'll give you a pretty necklace made of pearls!
You're fumbling in the dark, you're lost in the desert
you should have asked for some mic skills as a Christmas present
Instead of all those videos, do you have any disses that
are not based on movies or TV shows?
Your repertoire is limited, you should be far more inhibited
Don't you know the fun dies after the high, kid?
Where's your shame? Your strained rhymes cause pain
Quit while you're ahead, you got no game to maintain

I can give you another one if you want, but I usually find one verse is enough to make my point...

Fridgemagnet - Hey man, you can't rhyme man, why man, you should be doing time man, I tell you no lie man...

Nrvous - Where the fuck you at? I'm calling you on your shit, dude. Fix up look sharp!

15:03 / 05.02.04

you want it, you got it!...

Nrvous yawned, he stretched,
he got coffee and drank it,
logged on and saw he'd been dissed by 40,
some olde english wanker,
the lundi crack was funny but it was clumsily structured,
he punctured his punchline on my front two teeth,
i was stunned but esentially unhurt,
understanding that this genre calls for shits aints and asses
i'll tell this bastard that his ass aint shit
and then bask in the fact that i've mastered it.
he announced his intentions, i countered with a tight rap,
barely had to take time out from compiling lists of diseases i might have....

BOOYAH!!!!

17:38 / 05.02.04

Nrvous sure get edgy when lentil enter the thread
Cuz my pledge be “knock the dental straight outta the head”
Detrimental to your health like Marlboro red
My shit comes with a warning
Yours comes with a question - “why the audience yawning?”
If that’s too indirect then I must clarify
The reasons that fame and respect passed you by:
You know that you’re wack and the fact hurts your brain
But I’m all over the track like I was hit by a train
You’re Penelope Pitstop, I’m the evil Hooded Claw
I know you got pissed off cos the crowd never asked you for more;
Shown the door before you could encore, you must have been sore
Even so your jaw dropped
When the impression left by my flawlessness
Had the whole crowd a mess, screaming requests
The feeling had me pumped up like Hollywood breasts
Your flow is old and sagging, you’re not equipped for this task at all
You look like Frodo Baggins trying to play basketball
I crank my shit so loud I caught a permanent tinnitus
But that one ring rules them all so asshole, please don’t try to fight this.

17:48 / 05.02.04

the lundi crack was funny but it was clumsily structured

An old adage involving stones and greenhouses comes to mind...

19:27 / 05.02.04

understanding that this genre calls for shits aints and asses
i'll tell this bastard that his ass aint shit

Gotta give you credit for that line. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna spare you...

Nrvous - you're like a one-man circus,
A damn freak show! I land repeat blows.
The man competes though he can defeat no other
MC he still goes to these shows
He knows he's wack, it's in the back of his brain
But his denial spares him the maximum pain
He doesn’t show shit to back up his claims
Indicate, bitch, and pull into the slow lane

Your words don't rhyme, you can't flow in time
And if you're not inclined to refine your technique
You're better off at a poetry recital
Or maybe you should take your act to Pop Idol
All that you've mastered is the bumbling rant
So when you hit the stage, there'll be trouble in your pants
Then you'll be spewing shit out of BOTH ends
The evidence is there - you've got no defence

You say my rhymes are clumsy, and yours are tight
You might wanna work on getting your pronouns right
Embarass yourself, it's no skin off my nose
But don't give rap a bad name with your loose flow
I started this thread, hoping to meet with a challenge
But you're like a tightrope walker who can't balance
You're in the wrong game, you've tarnished your name
Now it's time to start the long walk home alone in the rain...

21:37 / 05.02.04

As regards the greenhouses, i could say my verse over a beat and have it sound good. the same is quite possibly true of yours and i just can't see your intentions in terms of variation of flow, pauses etc. (...but i doubt it! booyah!) anyway...

He “called me out” and I sort of resent it,
I entered the club and saw 40% pissed on a barman’s presence,
I said “listen, life’s a dancefloor, I’m a d.j,
You’re a reject tryna re-duce a genre to lifeless cliché.
You expected the crowd to be wowed, they’re simply static,
Your imagery’s flaccid, you’re a pimply adolescent simile addict.
Something’s forcing you to persist, probably pride,
You’re a wannabe, quite far to the right of the quality/quantity divide.
And you can’t even see the sign that reads “this way to being a dope emcee”.
Every board needs a hopeless geek, you hoped it was me,
But wish in one hand and shit in the other,
Measure the race between hope and poo,
You were projecting, but the next thing you’ll notice: the joke's on you.
Now shut up, I’ma rock this crowd right quick.”

I reckon that's all you'll get from me.

lentil, you aint paid enough dues to get a battle, but 40%'s got the hunger, go after him.

22:30 / 05.02.04

Into conversation see the shit flyin round,
i click on reply and now my lyrics abound,
flip across, twirl and launch my rhyme in your face,
my attacks so precise it's gonna shatter the place,

trails of coloured ether sendin sparks to the crowd,
rainbow astral images don't need to be loud,
when the word unfurls ya all be seeing it here,
ya wanna follow this or are ya swimmin in fear?

lights go down i shift into the next plane,
the rythm runs on the jokers try to stay sane,
floating on reality observe as it breaks,
cross and fade again and watch as Barbelith shakes.

02:47 / 06.02.04

Fuck, did i kill the thread?

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:42 / 06.02.04

God, I hope so.

Why does Barbelith make my eyes so bleedy?
I need to punch you in the fucking face like Cheryl Tweedy.
Rhyming online is about the same as sex with a foam mat
But I'll say no more, you guys are all the experts on that.

11:03 / 06.02.04

i'm with you flyboy.

11:59 / 06.02.04

I reckon that's all you'll get from me

...i'm with you flyboy.

Hmm...Well you're not bad as an MC, but you sure aren't much of a sport.

And btw, are you with flyboy on the bit where he says we are all experts on having sex with foam mats? Cos you'd kind of be implicated in that.

Flyboy - I think you may be a bit out of your element here. This is a thread for people who understand hip-hop music. Don't feel bad for trying, dude, it's just really not your area.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

12:20 / 06.02.04

BURN!

Hmph. I agree with flyboy
but that boy's so mean
he makes me want to clean my eyes with mr sheen
or maybe sparkle,
mr muscle
thats not me
I thought it was ironical
turns out...

just comical

12:32 / 06.02.04

Yoyoyoyo....

i just didn't have anything left... i didn't save anything for the journey back... that was fun though and it was quite helpfull in helping me get through a bit of a block and put pen to paper again so cheers...

awww, what the hell, one more for the road:

40% can't fuck with my flows,
so he deconstructs them in prose, how pathetic!
he's got funny clothes.
and a runny nose.

and i'm ouuut!!!

13:25 / 06.02.04

that was fun though and it was quite helpfull in helping me get through a bit of a block and put pen to paper again so cheers...

Yeah cool man. (extends fist) Thanks to everyone else who participated, despite "the man" trying to bring us down. Suedehead, your stuff is genuis. Liam Gallagher couldn't have done better himself.

I particularly like:

i'm a rap about aliens
and space and mars
mars bars
and floating cars and stars

I collect bugs in jars.

...and that's the line he ends on! LOL. You couldn't make it up!

13:48 / 06.02.04

Yeah if it came to a voting for a winner situation Suedehead definitely had my vote

13:56 / 06.02.04

undie- pant?
I am scant-
ily clad
in some little boots
and a cap
lap it up

ahahahaha! awesome!

everyone else came with it though,
i reckon
we all tied for second.

15:47 / 06.02.04

Awww, when I saw that the thread had jumped to 21 replies, I just knew somebody had peed in our sandpit...

Nrvous - "you aint paid enough dues to get a battle" - yeah, I was going to try to be rude to everyone who'd posted but, um, I couldn't make it all fit.

40% - I said
"You know that you’re wack and the fact hurts your brain"

You said
"He knows he's wack, it's in the back of his brain"

DON'T BITE MY SHIT!

Hee hee.

Boy in a Suitcase

16:12 / 06.02.04

As I roll up in my six-four Impala
I draw mojo from the Afro-Tantric Tarot of the Kalas
Obatala is Mind; Odudua is Matter
Barbelith's just six years of fanboy pitter-patter
And when all's said and done I'm the dopest one
Cuz y'all live in your parents' basement in Boise and ya weigh a ton
Now now boys, ya sayin otherwise and you think you street?
My cluster bombs'll take you off at the feet
Cuz from the rooftops I look down on this city
Kebab stands and pale girls with no titties
So I cook up some beats and sharpen some rhymes
Jus' waitin for some fool to come waste his time
Yes, my rhymes detonate like the Word of the Aeon
You on tha Magick Schoolbus now but let's see how long you stay on
I endure to the end motherfucka, it's true
Sneakin rhymes up the behind till ya drop a load in ya shoes
Cuz you can claim your flow is for Mature Readers Only
But it just sounds like you beggin daddy for a pony
So come step to me, I'll bag and board you
Unleash the Fire Snake on you and yo crew
Cast you down to the Abyss o' Hallucinations
That's what you get when ya try my fukkin patience

16:54 / 06.02.04

Boy In a Suitcase you get my vote with that, that was awesome.

Any fool gonna try and step up to that?

Say what?

Fuck, i'm a wigger.

Boy in a Suitcase

10:54 / 07.02.04

Yo Gypsy Lantern, I'm callin you out
I think it's bout time for a bout
Your hoojoo temple science won't be no defense
Cuz my 7D bubble language is too intense
So let's see what you got, cuz, yo
Pull up a seat y'all, it's time for a show

01

14:26 / 07.02.04

You's is all hoes
I got's to goes...

15:10 / 07.02.04

Fuck, did i kill the thread?

Should of stayed away in the first place.

I should of INJURED myself before i posted that appaling rap effort, my spirit is ashamed.

Cross and fade again and watch as barbelith shakes.

Eon you fucking wanker.........no more rap, i've brought my beautiful three lettered name into disrepute and poured shame upon it.......cross and fade........barbelith shakes..........fucking hellfire.

15:38 / 07.02.04

Don't worry man, you didn't kill it, i killed it.

18:50 / 07.02.04

19:00 / 07.02.04

Dammit Toksik! Thats one brutal .jpg!

19:29 / 07.02.04

twas inspired by a line in the blistering SITDOWN-SHUTUP! from boy in a suitcase.
this thread has actually made me think of inviting my mate tickle to the boards... great MC, needs battle skills.
a baptism of fire might be just what he needs.

20:35 / 07.02.04

So I went to the docks
with my big bollox
and stole myself a car
Then I went for a drive
and in the back was a bee hive
I didnt get very far
cos I crashed into a bar
Then the bees chased me
back to the dock
And 40% knows
That I showed them my cock

21:05 / 07.02.04

Enjoy the spliff, did you akira?

21:17 / 07.02.04

Boy in a suitcase? More like a bitch in a purse
You looking to get stung with the Gypsy's curse?
Let's see how sharp you are with fifty spirits on your back
Your hexes are slow, son, your hypersigils are wack
I seen you cruising the scene, hittin' on big ass witches
body language full of ticks and nervous twitches
I be riding in a caddy with my tantric bitches
conjuring up dollars and reality glitches
You be wanking on a sigil so your giro come quick
That Doley Crowley bullshit make this playa feel sick
You ain't a man of power
You ain't even in the game
I'm sizing you up boy, puttin' you in the frame
Let's get you aquainted with the shit that I do
Pull up a chair, let me introduce you to the crew
I don't think you know what you be getting in to
Guess I'm gonna have to show you a thing or two
My sorcery's raw, I got the fierce hoodoo
Your world be filling up with the bad juju
You'll be waking in the night with the heebee jeebees
Fretting and sweating cos it ain't goin' easy
Your ass is food
My spirits are greedy
Look sharp - Gypsy's putting down the lyrical gris-gris
Candles are lit - this sketch is in the can
You shouldn't be messing with the obeah man
You shouldn't be running your mouth off like that
I got the heavy mojo, duppy stick, black hat
I ain't sweating 'bout your instigating
Your Enochian calls and your invocation
It won't work, bitch, you got the wrong pronounciation
I'll beat your ass back down the Otz Chim - station to station
I been checking the cards, the bones and the omens
They all say your shit is as old as the romans
They all say it's over - you're finished, it's fated
That grimoire shit you're plying is fucking antiquated
You think you're plugged into the Typhonian current
Searchin' the nightside of Eden
Have you got a warrant?
Hanging with Kenny Grant and the Nu-Isis cronies
Working the Tunnels of Set with your Ophidian homies
I say all you little bitches are a bunch of phonies
I'm playin' old skool, older than most
next to that your paradigms an echo, man, a ghost
like somethin' reconstructed, made up to fit
your shit was put together like an airfix kit
I'll have your skull on my shelf
That's straight - I'm on the level
You're imitating Peter Carroll
I'm skanking with the devil
Better pack up your shit, this battle's been fought
Hail Les Marassa, Les Mystere, Les Mort

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