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Who do you kiss?

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11:22 / 09.02.04

I have, over the years, established my own rules of greeting which everyone I meet can now either obey or fuck off. I went through a decade or two of awkwardness, having women friends offer me their lips, cheek or the air behind their ears and I felt stupid and uncivilised until I realised that I was, in fact, in charge of these rituals, should I choose to be so. So I did. Choose to be so that is.

So many things in life are like this, I discovered. There are conventions, rituals, pre-determined methods of behaviour which seem to play themselves out before you like so many rehearsed plays which just make you wish you'd spent more time reading the script. Except there isn't a script. Everyone is making it up as they go along and women in particular seem to think they have the God given right to determine who plays which part in the screenplay of their life.

This invariably leads to facial collisions, head butts, beard grazed cheeks and "what WERE you thinking" glares aimed in the general direction of whatever poor male finds himself having aimed for the lip peck when what is on offer is only the famous Air Kiss.

I hate the Air Kiss!

It took a while but, eventually, I decided that I would never Air Kiss again. It's stupid, pointless, insulting, false, pretentious and demeaning to everyone involved. It can only have been invented by Americans.

Now, whenever I find myself greeting a woman, I will hold out my hand, grasp theirs and, if they seem amenable, I will take their elbow in the palm of my other hand, gently pull them towards me and kiss them lightly on the lips. Bugger their makeup, I don't care. Not my problem. It's not like I'm going for the big lipstick smearing pash anyway, just the lightest of lip schmacking pecks.

It's pleasant for everyone involved. I get to appear ever so slightly masterful. There are genuine smiles all around and it sets a precedent for any future encounters. I no longer feel awkward or at the mercy of the whims of others. I don't have to worry about what is about to happen because I am taking charge of the whole thing.

I highly reccommend it.

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:17 / 09.02.04

You meet some scary people on the internet, don't you?

13:47 / 09.02.04

I have a friend who is French and keeps kissing me on both sides of my face. Despite my attempts to say I am not happy about it he still insists on doing it regardless, I think he finds it preposterous a girl can possibly object to his signatures of affection. I am very shy and it weirds me out totally. I don't know what to do, fidget, laugh, and generally want the floor to open up and save me from my social ineptitude. Sometimes I feel really angry and sometimes I just want to crawl away and hide. I know its not really that huge a deal but it still conjures up bad feelings for me so I think people who kiss others (i.e. me) are invading my personal space. Don't know what I'm going to do about this French guy. I'll try ducking or something.

13:53 / 09.02.04

hell yeah flyboy.

as for that french dude, I'd make a scene next time. you've made it clear you don't like it - what right does he have to go against your wishes and continue to invade your space?

it's like when I had long hair, down to my bum, and total strangers would stroke it. to me, that's a very intimate gesture, and offends me (though I don't mind if someone I know asks to touch my hair, or whatever else). I'd much rather have someone I don't know well to kiss my cheek than stroke my hair. yuck.

14:05 / 09.02.04

I just made a kissing gaffe over the weekend. Generally I'm ok with doing the kiss-on-cheek with someone who inititates, and also all my aunts & uncles etc., but I'd never make the move with a non-relative. But this weekend while being welcomed to an acquaintance's home I totally misintrepreted his body language and went in for the cheek-kiss myself, which he reciprocated but was wholly surprised by. To add to my embarrassment, he looked around the room for my boyfriend so he could exclaim, "Did you see that?" [No.] To everyone else: "He didn't even see it!" Ugh.

14:05 / 09.02.04

I think this guy enjoys putting me in a situation where I'm at a disadvantage. Sometimes people use body language to do that. Maybe I'm just paranoid or reading too much into stuff but they do say something like 60% of information is obtained from body language and the rest from what the person is saying. (I can't remember where I heard this statistic from though)!

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:17 / 09.02.04

I think the solution is simple, caronut. Next time, punch him in the fucking face.

14:25 / 09.02.04

Then kiss me.

Hard.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:39 / 09.02.04

grant, I will hold out my hand, grasp yours, take your elbow in the palm of my other hand, rotate your forearm 180 degrees or until I hear a sharp CRACK, gently pull you towards me and kiss you hard on the lips. Bugger your facial hair, I don't care. Not my problem.

It's pleasant for everyone involved. I get to appear ever so slightly masterful. I am taking charge! I live by my own rules! Obey or fuck off.

14:59 / 09.02.04

everyone is inwardly cheering your manly display of strength and authority.

15:21 / 09.02.04

Ow, Flyboy. That hurt.

Kiss it and make it better!

15:27 / 09.02.04

Now, whenever I find myself greeting a woman....I kiss them lightly on the lips...I get to appear ever so slightly masterful

You're a big wuss. I just put them across my knee and give them six of the best.

03:29 / 10.02.04

See, for me, It's all to do with how I'm looking at the time. If I was shaved, well dressed, no bogeys hanging out my nose, I'd be in there with a peck.
But if we were to take today's appearance for example ( messy attire, stubble, and actually smelling quite wiffy unfortunatly), I'll just stay away. It's all to do with whether I'd be pleasant to kiss or not.

moonlapse minkey

20:20 / 10.02.04

I'm never one to lean in for a kiss, even though sometimes I want to - creating an awful 'bendy'forward-backward, quick, turn-it-in-to-a-hug kind of thing... I find it so embarrassing... especially when it's in front of others. Deary me. *help*

08:52 / 17.02.04

In case anyone's interested, (probably not), but I met French Dude's girlfriend the other day. He didn't try to kiss me on both sides of my face when she was there!!!In fact, he looked significantly uncomfortable, which, (evil as I am), I enjoyed immensely...Tee hee hee...

00:16 / 04.07.06

Bumping this old thread because Megatron's comments in here reminded me of it, and I thought lots of interesting things came up which could still be developed. Particularly some of the questions about class and sexuality I mentioned here.

Personally, I feel a bit more relaxed about the whole thing than it seems I did a couple of years ago. For example, I'm quite surprised to read myself saying that I never kiss(ed) men.

Anyway, I don't know if anyone has any new perspectives.

00:27 / 04.07.06

I hang out with a lot of French people, and having read the comments above, have to point out that in France it would often be rude not to kiss someone on the cheek. A bit like ignoring them when they say hello. I'm not saying he should carry on doing it after you've said you don't like it though - just putting it in cultural context.

in social situations, generally the protocol is that two female friends/aquaintences will cheek-kiss, and so will one female and one male. Two straight males will generally shake hands (every time they meet). Two gay males will generally cheek-kiss (although it gets harder to generalise here). If it's one gay guy and one straight guy... you get to see how uptight the straight guy is, whether he leans in for the cheek-kiss or leans back and sticks his hand out.

ORA ORA ORA ORAAAA!!

07:17 / 04.07.06

I'm in Australia, and until about three years ago, kissed no-one (other than various romantic attachments). Until about six months ago, it was pretty infrequent a greeting.

However, since that time, there has been an explosion of kissing face. Friends who I've known for five years have recently started cheek-kissing, it's very strange and I can't find any reason for it...

I don't kiss my family at all (except my grandmothers), because we're all scottish on the inside, though we do hug an awful lot.

Are there any other Australian observers who have noted this increase in kissing recently?

11:52 / 04.07.06

Yeah, it's definitely on the rise here. I don't mind it (being used to the French and all) although I can't stand the fake cheek kiss, the air-kiss (mwah! mwah! darling!) thing.

13:32 / 04.07.06

I kiss girls, guys, my cats and my crossdresser friends. I kiss my hairdresser and the guy who brings the grocery. I kiss pretty much everybody. I kiss strangers in the night. I kiss lost souls. It's an archaic statement in a cold and regulated world...
The only people I would never kiss is my family.

17:54 / 04.07.06

Two straight males will generally shake hands (every time they meet).

Sometimes, down here in Brazil, when two straight guys are really long-time good friends, they can kiss each other on the cheek too without any "you're gay" implications, although this is more rare and usually attached to certain social practices, i.e. drinking in bars/parties. But we also have what I could call the half-shake/half-hug thing, when you shake a buddy's hand, then move on to tap them on the shoulders and end up pratically hugging, without ever stoping shaking hands, sometimes also tapping them on the chest, back, or even stomach. In some ocasions this can feel more "intimate" than cheek-kissing (certainly more than air-kissing, which I too find ridiculous).

I also kiss my family, mostly mom, dad, and granny. For some reason, though, me and my sister don't have the habit of cheek-kissing each other. It's not like we're not close (we live together in the "family manor") or don't like each other, we just don't.

paranoidwriter waves hello

18:12 / 04.07.06

I don't kiss anyone. You're all dirty... Derrrrr teeeee...

*leaves the room and brushes teeth, again*

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