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Barbelith #498

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Matthew Fluxington

19:16 / 19.11.03

Oh no oh no oh no oh no!

A fleet of goons in dune buggies just appeared and plowed through the crowds! Everything is in shambles right now, and I'm writing from Qalyn's wifi laptop in his van - we're getting the hell out of here! Theo's driving this thing - Qalyn lost his glasses in the confusion and he's afraid to drive without proper vision. Eddie is sobbing and screaming, and we're being chased by dune buggies. I can't write much more right now. Please, everyone, be safe, and get out of the park as soon as you can. We're under attack!

I can only hope that ambulances arrive in time to save those who have been run over and trampled. I hope to God that Jermaine is going to okay - apparently one of the dune buggies got on stage and plowed him down, taking out him and the rest of his band. The thugs have got chains and flame throwers - this is terrifying!

The Apple-Picker

19:25 / 19.11.03

Flux, take good care of Jermaine, Jr.

Matthew Fluxington

19:29 / 19.11.03

19:47 / 19.11.03

*weakly*

I'm sure that Todd has nothing to do with this. Todd would never hurt Hammer. He loves Hammer.

Regrettable Juvenilia

19:49 / 19.11.03

That's weird, I don't remember playing anything by Target Acquired. They're that new post-punk outfit, right? I was just looking at my setlist and apparently I played a track called 'Prospect Park, NYC' by Target Acquired towards the end of my set, right in between the Peaches/Iggy Pop track and LCD Soundsystem. I guess I must have been drunker than I thought, I don't remember putting that on at all. Can anyone tell me anything more about the band, or what the song sounded like? Maybe I should start a thread about it in Music...

Regrettable Juvenilia

19:56 / 19.11.03

Oh, shit.

Er...

Is everyone evacuated out of the park yet?

I kinda hope so.

Oops.

Matthew Fluxington

19:57 / 19.11.03

Oh no, Flyboy! There was just a huge explosion off in the distance...that must have been something to do with you!

We're being chased by dune buggies still...this is horrible. Q has been chucking grenades at them through the back window...we've picked off three dune buggies so far, but there's still two more...we need help!

I must say, though, that Theo is an amazing driver for a 10 year old.

Murray Hamhandler

20:47 / 19.11.03

Oh jesus, guys! I've been wounded! I managed to find another coffee place with computers and I'm going to report to you all as long as I'm able.

Luckily, I got away from Prospect Park before that big explosion that just happened. I don't know what that's about, but it's pretty scary. Most everybody that was left after Hammer getting shot took off after the dune buggies started tearing around. I tried to get to Q's van so I could bodyguard Flux like I told him I would, but the dune buggies were in pretty hot pursuit and they took off in Q's van, like he said. I'm happy that they're okay for the moment, but I wish I was there so I could help them out with the dune buggy goons! I believe you now, Flux!

Well, like Flux said, one of the dune buggies made it onstage and ran over Jermaine, Jr.! He's not in too good shape right now, but I think he'll pull through. My first reaction, of course, was to jump up onstage and do what I could to save him. So I got him slung over my shoulder and just then one of the dune buggy guys (who was wearing a pretty weird leather and fur suit) stuck me with a sword! Like all the way through! Like 4 or 5 times! I guess he thought I was dead or something because he took off after I fell over.

So I came to a few minutes ago and managed to get Jermaine, Jr. as far as this coffee shop. I'm thinking maybe I should try to get him to a hospital. I'm gonna have to leave here in a minute anyway because the coffee shop people are complaining that I'm spurting blood all over the floor and the computers and the customers and the customers' coffee and food. What am I supposed to do, just stop bleeding? Anyway, I thought it was important that I told all you guys what was happening. This is a tragedy that this happened. Good luck to everybody.

I feel faint.

21:23 / 19.11.03

Dune Buggies in New York? These guys just don't give a fuck do they!

I hope to god you get to a safehouse in time, Flux.

I thought I should just let you know that somebody who works "in the intelligence community" just emailed me, trying to persuade me to give up your location.

It seems the whole business in Prospect Park is causing a bit of a stir in the Pentagon and, well, I think they've got your intentions a little mixed up to be honest.. hard to blame them with all the chaos..

21:32 / 19.11.03

And hey Flyboy, who'd have thought a DJ set could make you "7th Most Wanted Man in the World"!

21:34 / 19.11.03

Hey guys, I just got to my grandmas apartment. Its the big white building on the corner of 161st St. and River Avenue. You can hide out here if you need to.

21:50 / 19.11.03

Yeah. ...oops Bio... "SECURITY!"

Get your grandmother in the car BioK9, we have to tranfer you to a secret location.

22:11 / 19.11.03

Um, Grandma Ruth is dead, thats why I'm in town. I'm posting from my Uncles commodore 64 I found in the closet. I don't have a car, I took the B train and I'll be damned if I'm going back out on those mean streets with all the shit thats going down right now.

Also, since I got here the phone has been ringing every thirty minutes. It rings once each time, never more. Like clockwork. Fucking annoying. It stopped when I unplugged the phone and hooked up the computer though.

Maybe you guys could come and pick me up. Q?

22:28 / 19.11.03

She's dead? oh dear, we are too late...

Someone quick!, get Bio K9 out of there! It's just not safe.

The Apple-Picker

22:38 / 19.11.03

Natural causes, May. Natural causes.

I hope.

23:57 / 19.11.03

hi this is merline quayln asked me to write this for him cause he cant see too good without his glasses

hey barbelith its okay we got out of there okay and now we are in a secret mob proof location

theirs cops and the mob looking for us tho

i reconize that leather guy hes from hoboken i saw him do something with a crowbar once that was really amazingf

im sending theo back to my place to get my killing stick im going to kick that guys ass

okay qaylun went to sleep because hes gonna be in a big fight tomorrow their was this cute guy trevor from school at the concert i hope hes okay

i think you are losers with no life i mean come on

xoxo merline

00:42 / 20.11.03

Whatever, Madeline.

Well, it looks like Q isn't going to come get me...anyone else? Its dark here, the apartment has a slight case of old person smell and I've almost finished the bowl of candies that were on the dinner table. Really, I don't want to stay the night here, if someone could swing by and get me I'd really appreciate it. I'd post the phone number but I've still got the phone disconnected so I can use the computer- I'm in the middle of downloading some anime videos I picked at random from Limewire and don't want to lose the connection.

Anyway, if anyone needs directions they can PM me. Hopefully, by the time you get here Bukkake Angels 6 will be done downloading and we can watch it together before we leave. It should be good, a lot of people seem to have it in their shared files.

02:09 / 20.11.03

Look, I think you should all come down to the after party. Its been going for a week now and I haven't slept yet... I've been to bed a couple of times but NO SLEEPING. Seriously, what better way to avoid the secret service and the mob than on the dancefloor of Love!!! I've called Danny, he'll be down later with the Iranian boys. Should be a corker. Give us a call and I send someone to collect you. Me numbers on me website or something.

Feeling the love...

02:13 / 20.11.03

THE AFTERPARTY GOIN OFF!

03:23 / 20.11.03

Man, that video wasn't what I thought it would be. Gross!

I'm all fucked up from the plane ride and the time zone difference.

Is that a scene from Matrix: Revolutions?

04:31 / 20.11.03

Is that a scene from Matrix: Revolutions?

Not likely. Too much groovy fashion for that latex clad affair...

Regrettable Juvenilia

07:21 / 20.11.03

And hey Flyboy, who'd have thought a DJ set could make you "7th Most Wanted Man in the World"!

I know, man. This tool called Pointdexter from the NSA keeps emailing me telling me he knows where I live and that the Black Ops team should be here within 24 hours. But he says maybe he can get me immunity if I play a set at his daughter's 18th birthday party, apparently she's a really big Jay-Z fan. He even sent me a JPG, she's kinda hot.

My thoughts are with everyone in New York this morning.

Tryphena Absent

08:36 / 20.11.03

This old lady read my palm in Central Park yesterday afternoon and told me to stay in bed for the rest of the day. I told her, "no way am I going to sleep when my first ever gig is about to begin!!!" She judo chopped me over the head. She locked me inside a wicker chest and she sat on the lid for the whole afternoon and evening, binding my wrists and ankles with gaffa tape and with a handkerchief in my mouth. It had a really pretty pink flower in one corner.

Anyway I finally escaped and found out that dune buggies had attacked you. I went to visit Jermaine but he is so out of it and then I came here and realised that BioK9 really needs to be rescued.

10:21 / 20.11.03

But he says maybe he can get me immunity if I play a set at his daughter's 18th birthday party,

Hey, if you can get the feds off your back it could be career making stuff - "DJ Flyboy'll make your party go with a BANG!"

You might want to downscale to fireworks in future, back still, great gimmick.

The Apple-Picker

11:11 / 20.11.03

What did Jermaine Jr. think of my Rice Krispy Treats?

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