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Bottoms

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22:04 / 06.11.03

Ganesh has spent the evening with some of London's most scintillating and erudite psychiatric practitioners and has rolled in pissed to sit and watch a "Look Around You" dvd (the segment we're on featuring the difference between the brain and the bum, explained for slow children).

The burning question of the evening amongst the heirs of Freud and Jung would appear to have been, "Who's got the best bum: Kylie or Jennifer Lopez?"

Now, obviously, I'm going to say Kylie, as did G. But there was apparently a male / female split (excepting the queers). The men said La Lopez and the bluestocking she-shrinks said Kylie.

What is it with the Bottom from the Block? Why is it so special? Kylie has a bottom that performs rhythmically, after all, to enliven her breezy little tunes.

Given my state of inebriation I won't go into the subsequent discussion about the relative merits of the male and female bottom and great bottoms I have known.

So, on which side of the great cleft of opinion do you find yourself?

Goodness Gracious Meme

22:23 / 06.11.03

In the interests of Barbelith's growing reputation for high-level quantative analysis, I'd like to point out that you and G are really not what we in the fact-finding trade would call a representative survey.

However, we applaud your desire to encourage such a survey.

In the service of which:

Kylie.

Of course.

22:30 / 06.11.03

Well, Lopez' is nice, but Kylie is veeery petite, and you could grab hers by the hips and move it up and down and ... sorry, what was the question again?

22:38 / 06.11.03

Aber natürlich, gnädiges Fraülein Bengali. I hoped to escape the charge of sexism by quoting our queer credentials. It's just aesthetics with us, you know, so we are well placed to make the judgment, all things considered.

Speaking of which, would you like a Kleenex, Ignatius?

Goodness Gracious Meme

22:57 / 06.11.03

aha. The spectre of 'objective scientific fact' rears it's ugly head. I wondered how long.

ho

ho

ho

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:06 / 06.11.03

Kylie. Obviously.

23:27 / 06.11.03

Actually, Xoc misappropriates my view. I acknowledge Kylie's arse's similarity to a generic male arse, but vote La Lopez on the basis that her arse maps onto my newest fetish, the generic black male arse.

Mark Simpson would doubtless argue that the popularity of Kylie's arse - and the popularity of arses in general among straight-identifying individuals - is both indicative and symptomatic of the rise of the metrosexual, and the sad truth that the male hetero metrosexual 'does' arse-fancying more successfully than the male homosexual...

No star here laces

00:02 / 07.11.03

Lopez lopez lopez.

Kylie's ass i can appreciate, and indeed love on an aesthetic level. But J-Lo's ass hits much nearer to the groinal region. There's something about it that short circuits great reams of neural activity to head straight for WO-MAN. WANT.

It's thick. It's jiggly. It goes poom-pa-poom-poom. Some Guardianista wrote an article about how the Lopez ass phenomenon reflects the africanisation of western culture.

Oh, god, it's just great on so many levels. It's the fact that, as is always said, if you take the approved Hollywood-fashion-plastic surgery female body shape and add a little more to the batty regions, you get Lopez. Which makes her just look so kind of wanton and sexy compared to the rest of them. It's excessive and decadent, as asses go. It's not been aerobicised to within an inch of its life.

Having said all that, the greatest ass of all time belongs to one of the dancers in that video with Puffy and Nelly and that other guy, as featured in October's XXL magazine. That girl has an ASS.

00:17 / 07.11.03

I'm not sure. Can we have some pictures, please?

00:37 / 07.11.03

01:02 / 07.11.03

Is that Kylie or J. Lo? And who's the hot chick?

01:04 / 07.11.03

Your mom on the left, J. Lo on the right.

01:14 / 07.11.03

Oh, I have so missed this.

I gotta go with Kylie, though unfortunately here in North Hellmerica we are so over exposed to J. Lo's ass that I can't remember the last time I saw miss minogue on the box.

Guess I'll just have to surf on over to those celeb...por....

I mean, my computer's been broken awhile, that's why I've been gone.

Heh.

Ahem.

Zoom.

01:16 / 07.11.03

Can someone post a pic of Kylie's...(I'm surrounded by students. Googling for "Kylie Minogue" AND "ass" can't be done at the present moment...

I think overall I like KM more, so it's hard for me to be objective of her kiester...

01:30 / 07.11.03

Your mom on the left

Ah! I didn't recognize her without the beard and the rasta hat.

07:50 / 07.11.03

I'd have to see a full road toast report on each AS, y'know, MPG, Safety Features, which one looks better reflected in a shops window, the standard stuff. Then I'd like to go for a test drive in each one, try them out for pace and performance, ride and comfort that sort of thing. Before making a absolute descision. My loins say Kylie, but, J Lo does have something there if only she wasn't so... Well.... Insistent on her Street Credentials, "I'm Jenny from the Block" per lease. You think she does that all the time. ..
Ben: Jenny, sorry Jay Le Li Lo, cand we go out for some soda?
J: Yup, lets go to the lower west side burger joint I used to frequent back in the day, (the sun arcs high in the sky as she wibbles on about "Keeping it real" and "The Ghetto" (or is it now The Hood, must really get a new street slang dictionary, mine is from the eighties ahh... when everything was well wicked and crucial man) etc....

08:00 / 07.11.03

For your approval, Kylie's ass....

She gets my vote. Jlo's scares me particularly in the Flashdance video!

hanabius yamamura

12:30 / 07.11.03

... has to be kylie

definitely kylie

... why ?

... well, she's got that petite sexy bendy thing goin' on - as someone once said 'spin, kylie, spin !!!'

... j-lo, on the other hand, is (allegedly) a tantrum-thrower with, let's face it, a big butt ...

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:37 / 07.11.03

12:38 / 07.11.03

I wondered why that Kylie pic wasn't appearing here at work and then I checked the URL

But seriously it might get some people in trouble if their work checks what they're looking at....

But Kylie wins hands down in my book, your right about the flashdance video - scary stuff..

12:45 / 07.11.03

12:52 / 07.11.03

ooops, sorry!
I just typed in "Kylie ass" and that's what I got, didn't realise where it came from! Lol!

Here's a work friendly one......

12:52 / 07.11.03

What?? Kylie doesn't even have a butt. She had to cut the bottom of her shorts off just to prove there's something under them.

16:11 / 07.11.03

A wise woman with whom I work (she is Catherine de' Medici, with spies everywhere and knows all) tells me Kylie's arse has benefited from "injections". Mandrill fat? A small portion of Vanessa Feltz' leftovers? We wondered. But, still and all, I vote Kylie. So pert, so cute, so calculated. A Chapman Brothers bum.

You have made a good case for the Lopez lobes though. It surely is ample. Were she of the male persuasion and bit less Andrex-puppy-textured, I might switch my vote. A classic Ingres bottom.

16:28 / 07.11.03

obviously kylie wins hands down (which didn't sound that bad while still in my brain).

But respect to J-Lo's as she can sing out of hers

pointless and uncalled for

16:59 / 07.11.03

Interestingly enough I recently read a fashion article that related in part to the ass and made mention of trend in the seventies for butt-cutters, here reviatalised away from their original jean-bound incarnation by the fair Kylie.

Not that I think that either of them win the celebrity arsematch (pyroanal fetishists can keep their comments to themselves).
In the words of Abe Simpson I'll take a little from column A and a little from column B. It all depends on my mood and right now I'm in a lazy comfy mood so I would go for Lopezass but on a more energetic swing I would be more inclined to Kyliebutt. Needless to say that nothing will ever beat the prime, grade A, all the medals booty of Shakira, but that's a story for a different day.

17:00 / 07.11.03

kylie's too breakable looking.

19:18 / 07.11.03

Ooh. I change my vote to Shakira, but the younger, heavier, brunette Shakira... pic to follow when I'm at a non-school computadora

19:20 / 07.11.03

Oh, agreed, praying mantis. But where to start?

20:03 / 07.11.03

Oh, you're making it all so complex now.
This is she, no?

Nah, still no contest.
Just watch the video for "Slow".

21:17 / 07.11.03

Nah, la vieja Shakira:

No one's bottom can move like hers!

21:55 / 07.11.03

Once again Baz has show the way! Shakira clones for everyone!!!

22:04 / 07.11.03

YAAAY! Thumbs up for Shakira!

Where can I pick mine up Keggars?

22:05 / 07.11.03

Ya know, there are a lot of Raelians in Montreal...hmmmm?

00:13 / 08.11.03

Well, Kylie for weekdays, but Lopez for weekends.
errrmmm..
[conscience kicks in]
WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS? Release the Dworkins!

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