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Knock backs

 
  

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Mourne Kransky
14:52 / 23.10.03
Something Ariadne said on another thread made me think about giving and getting knockbacks when there's a sniff of romantic possibility in the air.

I am really shite at saying "Not today thanks" to the slavering hordes who beset me begging for my sexual favours (ha!) I have ended up shagging more than a few innocent punters in my grim past just because I didn't want to hurt their feelings or just couldn't find the words to say "fuck off, ye've nae chance pal" in a nice way.

Gay bars being primarily places where men looking to have sex with other men go to appraise said men and chat them up, Ganesh has often pointed out that I am unusual in being the only person growling at men for looking my way or asking for a light.

When the boot's on the other foot, I'm pretty crap too. No spontaneous "Back to my place?" Takes me weeks to screw up the courage to open my mouth and listen to everything but the words I've rehearsed coming out. My favourite chat up failure ever was in a wood in Russia where a friend was pushing me and pushing me to respond to the overtures I was getting from a man in a beaver hat. I sidled up to him and said the memorable words, "So, why are the houses made of wood then?" Unsurprisingly, more often than not, I get a practised lie or some frank ridicule and I retire hurt, thinking I'll just not try again for the next twenty years.

Just as well I'm sort of an old married man these days.

How do you cope with knocking undesirables back? How to apply some grace and ease to the process? After all, this other poor unsuspecting soul intends their approach as a compliment to your apparent charms and (outside of SM clubs) likely means no harm.

How do you cope with rejection when a door is slammed shut in your questing face? Do you run away and hide or do you move on straightaway to the next challenge?
 
 
Squirmelia
15:29 / 23.10.03
Rejecting random people who are attempting to kiss me: I usually just run away and hide. (Bad, I know).

Rejecting friends who tell me they love me: I tell them that I don't feel the same way, and then compare them to Brad Pitt.

Handling rejection myself: Depends what kind of mood I'm in and who it was. Anything from crying my eyes out (not in their presence), moving swiftly on to the next challenge, or it having absolutely no impact on me as if it didn't happen.
 
 
Char Aina
15:52 / 23.10.03
yeah...
i have a friend who is an expert at the comfortable and painless version of "FUCK OFF, OIK." she has even used it on me, and i still have no idea what the secret is.
i usually just say yes anyway.
being a slut is so much easier than being honest and brave about it.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
16:05 / 23.10.03
being a slut is so much easier than being honest and brave about it toksik, you are my evil twin.

And I'm rehearsing a line now about how "I can't shag you because you look too much like Brad Pitt." Who could take offence? They would be relived afterwards too, thinking I was some kind of crazy person...

That Knock backs looks so wrong. Knocks back? Knockbacks? Beast of Two Backs, Not? I dunno...
 
 
pomegranate
16:56 / 23.10.03
in me talk pretty one day, david sedaris says that his sister used this line on unwanted suitors: "sorry, i'm really not into white guys right now."
comedy.
one time, i got hit on by a homeless man, for real.
he was black, though, so i couldn't use amy sedaris' line.
 
 
Sax
17:19 / 23.10.03
So, Xoc... why were all the houses made of wood, then?
 
 
Whisky Priestess
17:27 / 23.10.03
But to adapt Sedaris's line, a claim to be "off men/women at the moment" is entirely acceptable in these polysexual days ... I know a stunning friend who uses it all the time (though it's also usually true, her lovelife being of the rollercoaster ilk.)
 
 
Ariadne
17:50 / 23.10.03
I love the wooden houses line - it'd have won me over.
 
 
Baz Auckland
17:55 / 23.10.03
It feels so nice that others have done the "better to be a slut than be rude" route as I do... you've made me feel a lot better! Thank you!
 
 
Mourne Kransky
18:08 / 23.10.03
Know whatcha mean, WP. I used to find "Can't, I'm gay" was an end to the matter but damn you, Bob & Rose! Now it counts for nought. Amorous femmes just redouble their efforts. But they really are barking up the wrong pansy.

My investigations into the architectural uses of timber were unsuccessful, Sax. The guy in the beaver hat (with flaps), Andryushka, raised an eyebrow in Slavic rebuff and stalked away, apparently in a Russian huff. Bastardski!

The friend who was stoking my fire, so to speak, on that occasion also thought "the wood question" was such a good example of seductive ineptitude that she would tell people about it for years afterwards. But then she's rapacious and, although a good decade older than me, still exhausting an ever-replenished supply of men half my age. Imagine if Samantha from Sex In The City had an older sister (mother, even). She taught me lots but obviously not quite enough!
 
 
Ex
18:22 / 23.10.03
This thread made me mentally excavate all my knock-backs. I have been a shoddy, oafish ingrate. But usually the offers were equally crass.
Anyway, all excuses have to be congruent with whatever you're thinking of doing later - little face-saving grace in my loudly espousing my commitment to manmeat if I'm chasing skirt five minutes later. Or doing some sincere nodding and impromptu codswallop ("Just feeling the need to be very focussed on the me, and the being on my own, and the not-sleeping-with-anyone, it's a very spiritual regenerative thing...") then catching the eye of the rejected suitor over the head of someone eating frazzles out of your cleavage.
How about "I'm sorry, not your fault, but you really remind me of my ex/my dad/my dear, deceased Shetland pony"?
Otherwise, it's back to skin diseases.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
19:23 / 23.10.03
"You wouldn't be satisfied with a one night stand,
And I could never take the place of yo' man."
 
 
at the scarwash
02:31 / 24.10.03
My strategy is usually to steer the conversation towards discussing how bad I am in relationships, how I'm a selfish bastard, how I mistreat and ignore people that care about me, etc. If they're the type that's chatting me up, hoping that I'm The One, they get turned off. If they're the type that's just after gettin' they freak on, then they think I'm obsessed and dull. It usually works really well.

Unfortunately not right now.
 
 
Cat Chant
08:04 / 24.10.03
I have sex with them and then go into total catatonic silence for the whole of the following morning, till they leave. If we then meet up for coffee/a drink somewhere public to 'talk about it', I continue the catatonic silence while they talk. If they tell me they love me, the length of the silence doubles.

I wouldn't recommend this tactic, though. People seem to find it rather disconcerting. (Those Barbeloids with a long enough memory to remember the days when I was celibate: this was basically why.)
 
 
Mourne Kransky
10:35 / 24.10.03
go into total catatonic silence for the whole of the following morning, till they leave

I used to avoid this rather neatly by always going to their place, if at all possible, then rising and running as soon they were asleep. I'm not really a horrible person - I was saving them the grief of seeing my early morning routine of eating all passing herbivores and growling at anything sentient.

Would have been so much wiser, and better all round, to have gone home and read a good book in the first place.
 
 
Bear
10:44 / 24.10.03
I've always thought along of the lines of "take it when you get it" kinda thing, but I was thinking about this the other night and I realised that I've never been with someone that I actually really fancied...how very depressing.

I don't think I've ever knocked anyone back and I've never been knocked back because I never really ask.
 
 
Sax
11:02 / 24.10.03
A Polish girl in a leather catsuit once asked me to go back to her place to look at her etchings while we were in a club in Leeds.

She took my several seconds of stunned silence for a "no", so I didn't actually have to say anything.
 
 
Bear
11:13 / 24.10.03
You always have the best stories Sax, when are they making a BBC sit-com about your life?
 
 
Spaniel
12:39 / 24.10.03
Dontcha just loathe it when you have to knock someone back repeatedly? You know, when a body enters that stalker phase - when they always seem to be present, wherever and whenever.
One particular girl, who, needless to say, I really, really, did. not. fancy. springs to mind. For what seemed like years - it was probably only a matter of months - she would turn up round my house, and initiate the daily bout of flirtation. Actually she flirted, mostly by picking pointless fights, and playing the victim, I on the other hand, would be biting my fist with frustration. Unfortunately the meaner I became the more she seemed to like it.

There is nothing more unattractive than someone you want nothing to do with who won't leave you alone. It's, I don't know, the opposite of sexy. The anti-sex.

As for getting knocked back myself, well, I've been very lucky on that front. I can honestly say that I've hardly ever been blown off when it's counted. That could have something to do with the fact that I don't go for it very often, however.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
13:21 / 24.10.03
Sax In The City?

Dissolutely Fabulous?

All Gas and Guitars?
 
 
Whisky Priestess
21:38 / 24.10.03
Boys from the Barbstuff?
Drop the Dead Monkey? (don't know *where* that one came from)

I want to see a Saxploitation movie of the life ...
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
00:30 / 25.10.03
Jesus, I wish I got the fucking chance to knock someone back once in a while .

Usually, like last monday, I'll get drunk and realise my tounge is in their mouths (shiver).
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
00:33 / 25.10.03
Sax: Was she fit and you blew it? Or was she a minger and you got lucky? And which club in Leeds has polish women in catsuits asking for the sex?
 
 
Baz Auckland
02:54 / 25.10.03
mmmm.. Polish...
 
 
w1rebaby
03:30 / 25.10.03
Knocking someone back is hard enough to envisage - I'm having immense difficulty in imagining ignoring a Polish woman in a catsuit, except by complete denseness.

*strains*

ugh

No, can't do it. I could probably remain oblivious enough to an obvious come-on to dissuade anyone, though. I'm really good at that. If anyone wants to learn how to do it, let me know, I give lessons, though you may think I'm actually just ignoring you.
 
 
Papess
03:59 / 25.10.03
I have to knock back someone at least once a night when I am at work. So, I no longer have the tolerance level nor patience to deal with these situations with much grace. The mind-boggling intelligent and sparkling seduction usually goes like this.

barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: "No."
barfly: "Will you go out with me?"
me: *grinning*
barfly: "Will you...OUCH!! LET GO!! PLEASE! LET ME GOOOO!!!"


Just begging me to knock them.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
01:36 / 26.10.03
Well, what the fuck. 47 and still being cruised at gay clubs. straight people must have a shit time at their clubs, by all accounts.
 
 
bitchiekittie
01:52 / 26.10.03
oh my. I still don't know the answer to this question. I tend to have that fixed deer-in-headlights smile that doesn't quite seem to say "piss off".

if you touch me, however, or otherwise invade my personal space, I will likely snap your fingers off.

it's a terribly startling personality switch for the poor clueless suitor, I must admit.
 
 
Sax
17:48 / 26.10.03
Radiator: She was extremely attractive. And although she didn't actually offer sex, I was led to believe that going back to her place to look at her etchings (and that is totally true; first time I've ever heard that outside of a sit-com) might possibly lead to a cup of cocoa, or something more.

Being the gentleman I declined graciously. Of course, if I'd known then that I was going to be parting company with my then-girlfriend a few months later...
 
 
HCE
18:31 / 29.10.03
What's terribly awkward is if you go out of your way to politely reject somebody who, it turns out, wasn't actually interested in you. I dread this and at the moment am trying to convince myself that what I have is not a potential (unwelcome) suitor but merely an extremely enthusiastic new friend.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
19:06 / 29.10.03
Tricky, fred. I am utterly useless at determining others' interest in me. They usually have to offer me money, or maybe a kebab, before I twig. I'm usually good at spotting nascent lust directed towards friends though. Maybe we're all just better at discerning it when we're not part of the equation.
 
 
ibis the being
19:28 / 29.10.03
I took a tip from a girlfriend of mine who, while traveling in Greece, was getting fed up with the constant nuisance of men hitting on her in ways more aggressive than what she was used to - she bought a cheap silver ring and wore the band on her "I'm married" finger. She said it worked. I have a similar ring and wear it on that finger when I want to go drinking but wish to be left alone; I don't know if it actually makes a difference, but it does have a sort of Dumbo's Feather Effect.
 
 
Papess
19:46 / 29.10.03
Ibis: I have tried this before. Actually, I have a gold ring on my "married finger" all the time. The problem with this is it doesn't actually keep the really creepy people away. They see the ring and just think "...yah, she is already emtionally involved. PERFECT!" or use that dumb line "I won't tell if you don't!" Gawd! just plain creepy...the ring is not there as a challenge.

Xoc: I know so many people like this! Maybe it is just a healthy way to not be overly assuming of other people's intentions.
 
 
the Fool
20:36 / 29.10.03
I've been knocked back quite a bit lately, but usually after the shag (or shags) just when I start to go all gooey inside and start to really like the guy (bastards!!!)...anyway here some lines used on me...

*I have an internet boyfriend.
*I'm a bit fucked up at the moment and can't really do any kind of relationship thing (I've used that one myself, its the 'its not you, its me' line)
*I really like you but I want to do things with you creatively and sex will just get in the way and confuse things.

also kissing an ex-boyfriend in front of the suitor will tend to put them off.

On the other hand, when I have a suitor that I can't seem to get rid of (some people do not take any hints no matter how blunt) I employ the 'stand-in boyfriend' routine.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
16:45 / 30.10.03
Two tactics aid me in the unlikely event of an undesirable suitor. As practically no one ever comes out with an ask out I go with the act oblivious to the come on routine. Should that fail Plan B is to throw straight into the friendzone. If this were an olympic sport I would be the everlasting gold medalist, even if I were trying to lose. If this hasn't worked and I'm in danger of never escaping the crazy stalker that they must be then its time for the infallible assholery.

As for rejection, I'm the master at handling this. Smile graciously, turn away and prepare for a couple of weeks of self-loathing.
 
  

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