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Ok, who remembers the 1994 Madonna vs Dave Letterman feud? (Really, this does have to do with pissing in the shower. Bear with this post.)
Well, it started with Letterman making jokes about Madonna's sex life at least once every show. She appeared on the show and tried to get Dave to sniff a pair of her panties and claimed he was obsessed with her. The appearance got increasingly uncomfortable, Dave joked about Madonna sleeping with NBA stars, she told him not to fuck with her. Only some of it aired, if any. And towards the end, Madonna mentioned pissing in the shower.
And of course, Madonna explains it all for you...
*Dave: Oh, jeez, we're out of time again. [laughter] What are you going to do now? What are you going to do after the show? Does anyone remember the...
*Madonna: Did you know that it's good if you pee in the shower?
*Dave: I'm sorry?
*Madonna: I'm serious! [crowd reacts uncomfortably] No, seriously, peeing in the shower is really good. It ... it fights, um, um, athlete's foot. I'm serious, no, urine is like, is like ... is like an antiseptic. It's all got to do with the enzymes in your body.
*Dave: Don't ... don't you know a good pharmacist? [laughter]
*Madonna: Ummm ...
*Dave: Get yourself some Desenex! Or whatever that stuff is.
*Madonna: I wanted to share something that I knew with you.
Dave Okay, well, thank you very much. Ah, I'm going to try to wrap this up.
...
*Madonna: Have you ever smoked Indo?
*Dave: I'm sorry?
*Madonna: Have you ever smoked Indo?
*Dave: I don't know what you're talking about.
*Madonna: You're a goddamned liar.
*Dave: I, no, I, ah, ah, ah, I don't [starts into his Carson impression; Paul plays a few bars of the Tonight theme; Madonna laughs hysterically], ah, I don't ... no, I don't, I, ah ... Sorry. I don't, I don't know what you're talking about.
*Madonna: Well, you should.
*Dave: All right, well, I'll put that on my list of things to do ... [audience member yells: "Get off!"]
*Dave: [writing on a piece of paper] Smoke some Indo ...
*Madonna: Oh, oh, oh, and pee in the shower.
*Dave: Okay, pee in the shower ... get those panties cleaned ... okay, all right, Madonna.
*Madonna: Don't tell me you haven't peed in the shower.
*Dave: [laughs nervously]
*Madonna: Everybody pees in the shower and everybody picks their nose. [audience member again yells: "Get off!"]
*Dave: Okay, now, um ...
*Madonna: Why do we have to be -- why do you keep flashing that card?
*Dave: Because we -- because ...
*Madonna: Can't we just break the rules? [again from the crowd: "Get off!"]
*Madonna: Who said that?
*Dave: No, no -- that's the guy you wouldn't kiss earlier! [laughter] The guy out there, you irritated him, all right? Okay, now --
*Madonna: Is the show almost over?
*Dave: The show is nearly over. We have to say goodbye now.
*Madonna: [forlornly] We only have a few minutes ...
*Dave: We only have a few minutes and -- thank you again from the bottom of my heart. It was nice of you to stop by tonight. Madonna! [applause]
*Madonna: When you come back I'll still be here. Fuck it!
*Dave: Of course, that's what Iwas going to say. She ... she ... [demented] She won't leave! We can't get rid of her! What if she's still here tomorrow night? [Paul strikes a few shrill 'Psycho' chords] Ah, that's crazy! Ah, ah ... [sobers up] Ahhhhh, just for the hell of it, let's do a commercial and see what happens. [laughter; applause] |
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