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Okay, I'm hooked now. You need to have BBC3 to get into this. Here are my thoughts on the remaining contenders, in roughly ascending order of preference.
James - worst of the lot, an absolute wanker. If you look up the word 'wanker' in the dictionary as written by Human Fly, there will a photograph of James. Hey ladies, you're More Than A Woman to James! Mmmm. Cockfarmer.
Barry - what is he doing here? Looks like the fourth man in a five-piece boy band... Lumpen, shuffling muppet, but not actively irritating until he performs, and then out come the sub-Robbie-isms. If shows like this are pop as kareoke - which is no bad thing in itself - then Barry is kareoke at its worst.
The girl whose name I can't remember - looks very weirdly static all the time - I know people who don't like pop etc always claim that the people involved look plastic and so on, but whatsername really does - nothing's quite going on beneath the surface.
Alistair - seemed quite likeable at first, but I can't help feeling he's just a slightly better-looking Sneddon. His wax-on, wax-off hand signals are hilariously bad.
Paris - sweet, but obviously so ripe for parody that I already imagine him wearing a plastic bird of prey called 'Our Kes' on his wrist. Needs the right kind of material to work with - I think upbeat r&b, soul or disco stuff suits him well, but I cringe at the thought of sitting through him singing a ballad. Song he should clearly perform: 'Rock Your Body'.
Peter - argh! Well, it's not so much Peter I hate. It's the way the judges keep saying very disingenuous stuff like "ooh, we don't really get your style but the people you're aiming for will love it!". The people Peter's aiming for hate Fame Academy, and they'll hate him. Poor Pete - so naive and so obviously doomed that it's hard to dislike him - I get the feeling he's really trying, and that he is actually quite genuine and idealistic. He's certainly enthusiastic, and I almost relished the way he tore into the chorus of 'The Lights Went Out In Massachusetts', even if the moves were classic indie club imbecile. Plus, he's friends with Alex, which earns him a measure of amnesty in my book. Song he should clearly perform: 'House of Jealous Lovers' (as if)
Carolynne - occasionally very annoying, as anyone who saw the footage of her singing in the house with her eyes shut and her hands held up in an "mmmm, feel it!" kinda way. But she's got a good voice, and I dunno, she just sort of projects the kind of strong, attractive persona that I think female mainstream pop stars should have, without being 100% conventional. Also: see Alex. Song she should clearly perform: 'Fighter'.
Alex - at the moment the favourite of me and mine by quite some way. This could be because she's so obviously queer as fuck. Let's look at the evidence: her favourite artist is Annie DiFranco. Then there's the hair, and the angst. Then there's the strong suggestion that she's in love with Carolynne (it's not just me that thinks so, honestly!). Anyway, Alex is miles ahead of the others in terms of stage presence, even if it is a very angsty kind of presence (but as Anna de L observed to me the other day, "for fuck's sake, she made 'Words' sound good" - ie, made a pretty dreadful song seem almost gripping and impassioned). Of the songs the students have written themselves, only the one she and Carolynne co-wrote ('Not Your Average Girl' - do you see?) was decent. People keep saying she sounds like Celene Dion or something, but she really doesn't - she sounds like a Tracey Chapman or that woman from Everything But The Girl - ie, a different kind of mainstream, but let's not forget that Ainslie was more Bono than Iggy Pop. Song she should clearly perform: 'Feel Good Time'. |
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