Reading through this, I felt inspired:
Sexual harassment of employees shall be mandatory regardless of sex or age.
Employees will not be allowed to resist or retaliate in the workplace, but will instead be given the address, keys and alarm codes of their employers.
Anyone found guilty of a crime will be punished according to how creative their attempt to break the law was, with the harshest penalties given to the most inept attempts.
The most creative criminals will be given an advisory position to help me think up new and creative ways to annoy their fellow citizens.
In order to prevent people from pressing the elevator button repeatedly, all buttons must be rigged to give an electric shock to anyone pushing them. People shall be given progressively higher voltage shocks with each successive push of the button.
Advertising of any kind shall be illegal. In fact, no one may ever inform others of the name, price or features of any product in any way, whether by speech, writing or images.
If a salesman comes to your door, you must open and listen to his entire pitch before rejecting him. This pitch must last a minimum of 10 minutes, though the salesman must still follow the previous rule.
All animals in zoos will be rehabilitated to their natural environment and replaced with people wearing animal suits, reenacting their natural behavior.
Anyone applying for a driver's license must spend a 3 month period doing public service as an animal-substitute.
nudity will be limited to thirteen minutes per day, per person.
*pft*
Clothing will be limited to thirteen minutes a day.
The day shall be divided into three periods:
1) A 13 minute period with mandatory nudity
2) A 13 minute period of casual wear
3) A period of 23 hours and 34 minutes where the citizens are free to decide whether to be nude or dressed. However, if they choose to be dressed they must wear a halloween costume. No citizen may wear the same costume twice in the same month.
The time of day at which each period lies shall change randomly for each citizen every day, independently of other citizens.
Stealing from your workplace is legal, but only if you steal furniture or wallpaper. In the case of furniture or wallpaper stores, employees may steal anything but furniture or wallpaper, as the case may be.
A special Snore Squad shall be formed, provided with advanced listening equipment. If a snorer is detected the agents shall enter the offender's house silently, drug them and perform nasal surgery to correct the problem.
Agents shall be chosen who score high on humor and/or maliciousness and low on surgical skill. |
