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Lies: The Game

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Saveloy

12:26 / 22.04.03

Sax> Trickyyy.... number 1 seems such an odd thing to make up, but then it could be the old "I didn't but someone I know did" trick. I don't believe it's the nail varnish, it sounds like exactly the sort of thing you would do. So I reckon 3 or 4. I'm going to say 4, you don't strike me as the pilgimage type.

Cop Killer> The extra in High Fidelity. I reckon someone said you looked like someone in High Fidelity, or that you should have been in it.

Spot the Savelie:

1. I've been on telly arguing with Brian Sewell about the subject of taste
2. I caused a labour MP to get very hot and sweaty by making it difficult for him to expose my balls
3. I got into a fight with Nigel Ben's sparring partner and threw him down the stairs
4. I shot Barbara Cartland in the face with an air-rifle (and I got her little dog, too!)

that

12:35 / 22.04.03

I figure that the Barbara Cartland one refers to a PICTURE of her, and her little dog. You definitely don't strike me as the violent type. I think the stairs thing is the lie.

Mourne Kransky

12:53 / 22.04.03

hehe Saveloy, each less likely than the last and that's a whopper. Which means I can buy you as a tv taste pundit, socialist sex siren and belligerent pugillist (talk about multi-tasking) but I don't remember Dame Barbara being attacked by a mad gunman, so I'm fingering that as the lie.

And I think if copkiller were descended from one King of Prussia, he'd be descended from more than one. I think his grandad came from King of Prussia, Pa, or summat along those lines.

The lie is that you've been in a knife fight. What do you mean by "before", btw. Planning some bushido blade action in the near future?

grant

14:27 / 22.04.03

Sax: I'm guessing the Jack Kerouac one.

Cop Killer: I'm with the knife fight, too, just because the other ones fit you so well.

Saveloy: You'd never dare shoot Barbara Cartland. Would you?

Sax

14:44 / 22.04.03

HIR was right - it was the puppies. I'd be pretty useless in a situation like that.

I went to Bosnia in the wake of the war as a press correspondent, and spent some time with some bomb disposal experts who, for a laugh, let the reporters make their own plastic explosive bombs.

The other day I was having to paint Mrs Sax's nails because her bump is so big now she can't reach her feet. As a thank-you she did mine.

And I went to Jack Kerouac's grave just outside his hometown of Lowell on the hottest day in creation. I nearly fainted from the heat and had a weird out-of-body experience in a Dairy Queen while I was waiting to buy a coke. The Dairy Queen seemed massively exotic to me.

Sax

14:50 / 22.04.03

Some new lies:

Sheila Ferguson from the Three Degrees told me how she got her groove back - by watching the Cosby Show.

I held a stepladder so that Kenny Baker, who was inside R2D2 in the Star Wars movies, could inspect a birdbox.

I once snogged Louise Wener out of Sleeper.

Billy Bragg said on TV that he was a big fan of my band.

Saveloy

15:41 / 22.04.03

Cholister has sussed me out on the Babs Cartland shooting, it was indeed a picture, one of several glossy celebrity photos found in a charity shop. A pal of mine was weorking as a delivery driver and had 'come into posotion of' a couple of air-powered bb guns. The pics looked fantastic once we'd obliterated them, and I remember thinking at the time that they wouldn't look out of place in an art gallery.

So, that one was true. Which of the remaining three is a pie of pork?

Sax> Was it a picture of Louise Wener?

The Jungle Keeper's Old Smoky Pipe, Haunted by The Black Dog Spirit

19:39 / 22.04.03

Ok, I'm new here so I'll try to be mysterious... here it goes:

1) I have a black labrador retriever, who ate my cel phone and my palmtop once.
2) I'm the chief-director of a US$800.000 non-profit company.
3) I've never been abroad, since airplanes are rare where I live.
4) I have a house in the Rain Forest, which I have built my self.

gingerbop

19:50 / 22.04.03

No, my nephew WAS baptised by an extremely convincing look-a-like of harold shipman. If i had a scanner, id show u the pics. But i dont.
My sister had a big fat greek wedding. The ceremony- very strange. The reception- only a bit strange. Much greek dancing.

Lurid Archive

20:40 / 22.04.03

I have proper internet access again. Wahoo!

OK. Silly things I did in my youth.

1. Turned up to meet and greet the bigwigs on the first day of my PhD, tripping.
2. Wore a bowler hat for a year and only took it off to go to bed.
3. Joined a vampire gang and adopted a Ricean name.
4. Went to a formal interview in goth gear and makeup.

Mourne Kransky

21:22 / 22.04.03

gingerbop, I had a lovely time imagining your sister's big fat geek wedding and then I realised my mistake.

Lurid, Mrs and Mrs Archive had already graced you with a Ricean real name, so I figure that's the lie. Plus, the other three are entirely believable. Did you give the funereal hat to Barry Auckland when you tired of it?

Old Smoky Pipe guy, I bet you have your own plane, so that's my guess.

And I think Sax only got as far as the Louise Wener duvet cover and pillow case. He just says these things to torment me, as I nurse my unrequited passion.

Lurid Archive

21:48 / 22.04.03

Oh Xoc. It was too easy. But I really did kinda hang out with a bunch of vampire guys and I did accidentally depose one as the vampire in question.

Lurid Archive

21:50 / 22.04.03

Oh Xoc. It was too easy. But I really did kinda hang out with a bunch of vampire guys and I did accidentally depose one as the vampire in question.

Mourne Kransky

21:56 / 22.04.03

Kind of impressive that the three other statements were true though, L'Estat. It's not often I think, "Wish I hadn't been so vanilla."

Sax

06:24 / 23.04.03

God, rumbled so quickly. I'm hurt that the lovely Xoc didn't think me capable of obtaining a spit-swapping session with Ms Wener. The rest are all true, especially holding a stepladder so Kenny Baker could look in a bird-box, of which I have pictures and might well post on Barbelith when I get my scanner fixed.

Old Smoky Feller - I can totally believe the Labrador story. I had a black lab in my youth that ate all manner of things, including a packet of razor blades, a bottle of bleach, the first three rungs of a set of ladders and plastic action figures of the Human Torch and the Thing.

Cop Killer

07:03 / 23.04.03

H.I.R. is the only one that got it right, as I was not an extra in High Fidelity, although a friend of mine was. I was in a knife fight before, even got picked up for it, but the cops let us go 'cuz we were friends just acting insanely stupid (a Westside Story-esque knife fight in the middle of a park is one of the worst ideas I've ever been a part of), and thank god they didn't actually arrest us, cuz that way I only had to make up a lie to tell my mother as to why I had cuts all over my arms. I am also descended from the bastard son of King Vilhelm (sp?) of Prussia, who stole a bunch of Prussian government secrets and bought a bunch of land in northern Wisconsin that had Native American tribes living on in and duly declared himself King of Little Swamaco (I have no clue as to the whereabouts of Big Swamaco).

Saveloy

15:21 / 23.04.03

gingerbop> I'm lost, has anyone sussed this one yet?

Jungle Keeper's Pipe> I'll plump for number 3, Cilla. The others sort of fit together.

Sax> I demand to see those pics of Kenny Baker.

My lie - which none of you bastards are interested in any more, but I'm going to tell you anyway - was the Brian Sewell one. I was in the audience of a TVS version of one of them Kilroy type progs (normally hosted by lovable Fred Dinenage, but the sod wasn't on that day), the subject was "Good Taste" and Mr Sewell was indeed on there, but we didn't argue, in fact I kept schtum throughout. Brian's biggest complaints were fridgemagnets and Mercedes (he was particularly displeased by the wheel arches). This greatly annoyed the posh girl behind me, who had previously been guffawing away at the examples of charity shop tat that had been paraded through the studio earlier.

gingerbop

21:04 / 23.04.03

Nope, No1s sussed me. I feel so unsussable.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

03:36 / 24.04.03

ok ginger, my bet is you never appeared topless in the paper...oh wait, it wasnt topless, it was upside down, so yeah, that one, because i think you could be the girl on the flying trapeze

Saveloy

11:47 / 24.04.03

gingerbop> You have to be a trapeze artist, which means you must have appeared in the paper upside down (twice). We know about the Shipman impersonater, which means you lied about your brother and Prince Charles. Am I right? If not, my other guess is the newspaper one (you only appeared once or summat).

grant> I don't reckon James Randi bought or prepared you a meal. I imagine he'd be too tight-fisted for that.

Andrew C*** passing himself of as Haus

11:53 / 24.04.03

My father went completely starkers on a TV show, watched by over four million people.

I lost my virginity to a 19-year-old stripper in New Orleans.

I called up a popular live sports discussion show, and told the assembled collection of presenters and sports personalities that, quote: "Dan Mann is dead! Dan Mann is dead! John! John Fashanu! What are we going to do with all the oil?"

I've fucked a sheep.

Sax

12:05 / 24.04.03

Do I need to say it? Number two, obviously.

Andrew C*** passing himself of as Haus

12:08 / 24.04.03

And our audience says....

"DUH-DUH!!!!!!"

Bear

12:14 / 24.04.03

I'm curious about the change from donkey to sheep? Is a sheep more believable than a donkey? Or did you really do it with a donkey and got a little embarrassed? So yeah I'll go for the sheep (as always) the rest sound like things that could happen in Knowledge land.

that

12:14 / 24.04.03

I wonder why he changed it from 'donkey', to 'sheep'...

that

12:15 / 24.04.03

Oh, Bear got there first...but, as they say, great minds think alike.

Bear

12:20 / 24.04.03

Har har - strange isn't it - explain yourself Donkey boy!

grant

18:10 / 24.04.03

grant> I don't reckon James Randi bought or prepared you a meal. I imagine he'd be too tight-fisted for that.

Is that your final answer?

gingerbop

22:17 / 24.04.03

Fraid its not the prince charles and the nosebleed. That was very true, not to mention, absolutely hilarious! I sang "u canni shove ur granny off the bus" to him. Aaah the humiliation of primary school.

that

22:25 / 24.04.03

Post deleted at user's request

Saveloy

08:15 / 25.04.03

grant> Yes, Sir, that is my final answer.

I now know the answer to gingerbop's and I'm gutted about [x], but the stories behind [y and z] are cool.

Cholister> I'm guessing the toddler story. I know dolphins have a good rep and all that, but I can't see anyone entrusting their toddler to 'em.

Andrew C*** passing himself of as Haus

15:22 / 25.04.03

It has just occurred to me that the only other person I know of who lost his virginity in New Orleans is.....

Arseface.

grant

15:39 / 25.04.03

Saveloy, you are quite correct.

Although I feel compelled to wantonly point out that James Randi does produce his TV show (where it airs, I have no idea) from a studio not far from here, and I've worked with a local cameraman who's on staff there. So it *could* be true... almost. If I ever did any work for his show.

Cholister: Hmm. The dolphin one stands out, but I've seen that done before. I'm also rather fond of Elizabeth Bathory's story... she was a kink and a half. But still... is it Bathory's servant?

bitchiekittie

16:38 / 25.04.03

for cholister, Im guessing the lie is the dinghy by dolphins bit

cusm

17:07 / 25.04.03

Ok, here goes:

I was personally responsible for an ordinary object being considered "drug paraphanelia" by the evening news.

I am 3 degrees from Kevin Bacon.

I was married in a Catholic Church by George Carlan's double.

I once touched a Dominican Priest on his penis.

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