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Space shuttle jokes (may offend, obviously)

 
  

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Bill Posters
15:49 / 03.02.03
I wasn't going to do this, but given the hearty cry of God Bless Amerikkka which appears to have taken over the Switchboard (and indeed the media generally), I realise that I can't stand it a moment longer. This brain-deadening knee-jerking meeja culture is about to be jammed in the way that we traditionally respond to a terrible human tragedy: by making thoroughly sick jokes. So, I'll start:

Q. Where did the Columbia astronauts go for their vacation?
A. All over Texas.

My problem is that the above is simply a repeat of an old space shuttle jokes, the ones we all told at school when Challenger blew. (I notice the tendency of history to repeat itself plays havoc with sick jokes - Matthew Kelly jokes were all spoiled 'cos people'd been telling the same ones about Gary Glitter a year or so earlier.) So anyway, yeah, anyone actually heard any new ones, as yet?

P.S. If this thread gets me attacked by war-mongering, lard-assed yanks, I don't care. What I would recommend is that any anti-Semitic ones are not posted. Even I wouldn't find them funny, and it's a well known fact that I'm a racist, 'cos Flyboy sez so.
 
 
Jack Fear
16:02 / 03.02.03
Bill.

Do you really want to do this?
 
 
Shortfatdyke
16:32 / 03.02.03
All I could think about when I heard the shuttle had blown up - and after hours and hours about it on the news - was how many people had died of starvation that day? More than seven, I'll wager. As opposed, you know, to dying in the course of doing a job that's no doubt extremely well paid and that many people dream of being able to do.

Oops. Sorry, wrong thread. That's not very funny. But the whole thing *is* a joke.
 
 
deja_vroom
16:35 / 03.02.03
A job which is extremely well paid, perhaps, because there's a small risk THAT YOU CAN EXPLODE IN A THOUSAND FLAMING PIECES UP ABOVE IN THE SKY. A-hem. Sorry for that. Bill - no.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
16:42 / 03.02.03
Yeah, but we all know what really happened...they hit a Zanussi washing machine.

Hmm. That's old too. Some young'uns won't even get it.

Are there no original sick jokes?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
16:45 / 03.02.03
Also, of course, to be a shuttle pilot you need, IIRC, to be in peak physical condition, have significant aeronautic experience, undergo a lengthy period of training either civilian or military, and have a couple of postgraduate degrees. The pay scale is supply and demand; not many people are qualified to do it, and many of those who are might not want to do it....

Hmmmm. Not sure about this one. I'm still digesting the Time article Jack sent us to....
 
 
Bill Posters
16:54 / 03.02.03
I don't believe it, SFD has just defended Bill Posters!

I personally think I have a. freedom of speech and b. the right to use sick humour as a defense mechanism if I so wish. You guys really don't want to hear my Gary Glitter jokes, do you? Seriously, I had hoped this thread would be filled with sick jokes which function as a political tactic and fly in the face of hegemonic opposition from a near totalising mediascape. Instead, I get people infringing my fundamental human right to free expression in the name of American imperialism. The thread title was clear enough warning. If you don't like this thread, don't read it. If you don't like me, there's an ignore button.
 
 
that
16:56 / 03.02.03
Yeah, so they have to work hard to get to where they are...and yes, there's a danger element, but there's a fucking danger element to crossing the road. Jeez...I was utterly gobsmacked to learn that refuse collectors i.e. 'dust bin men' get paid £5 a fucking hour (after a recent pay raise) for doing a job that is surely second only to sewage workers in utter shittyness. I think we're slightly skewed as a society when such essential services have such a pittance attached to 'em. Education is not available to all, the government here is certainly trying to make that truer than ever - not everyone who wants to be a bloody astronaut can afford the training and education - some people have to take crappy jobs that pay fuck all. And what thanks do they get? £5 a fucking hour. But this really isn't the best place to go on about it.
 
 
Jack Fear
17:00 / 03.02.03
Instead, I get people infringing my fundamental human right to free expression in the name of American imperialism.

Well... no, you don't.

You have one person asking if you'd considered that you might be coming off as a bit of a cunt, is what you have.
 
 
deja_vroom
17:02 / 03.02.03
Bill: Instead, I get people infringing my fundamental human right to free expression ***in the name of American imperialism***.

Thanks for this sample of how you process input from an interlocutor during a discussion, Bill. It will save me time if I just ignore this thread.
 
 
Bill Posters
17:09 / 03.02.03
I had considered it Jack, but I have been so horrified by this international spasm of quite innappropriately directed affect that I decided to risk it. (I wouldn't myself use the word cunt as a term of abuse though - it's awfully sexist. Not to mention unscientific - for never have I encountered a cunt which can tell jokes, tasteful or otherwise.)
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:11 / 03.02.03
And, alas, sendign a truck out to colelct the bins doesn't cost $500 million a go, so that's a factor as well.

Problem being that to pay the bin me, say, £10 an hour, you need to increase rates so the money is available. I'm sure you wouldn't mind that, Chol, and nor would I, but a lot of people would - including the park litter collectors, who would want their wages doubled, which means further increases to rates. And wghen the firefighters get wind of all this public sector pay inflation...well, oy vey. And why the fuck are we expecting people to collect our rubbish, anyway? How weak and decadent are we? We could set up a tip at the end of every street, take responsibility for draggin our bins there, and the hundreds of pounds we would save on refuse collection would go a lot further in a country which doesn't have that kind of luxury.

The comparisons game is a notoriously fiddly one. And, as Ignatius J said in the "Missing Shuttle" thread, the US wouldn;t have spent the cash on feeding the hungry (or indeed paying its binmen better) anyway - it would have gone into the pockets of the same companies, but making better missiles instead of space rockets.

So, I thik it's amore complex picture than that...especially, of course, since they are not likely to get that new freezer they were saving up for, unless being kept in one counts...

(On the sick jokes front, can I put forward, slightly off-topic, the inspired Onion Headline "Pete Townsend can't explain"?)

What I *am* finding funny, though, is:

I personally think I have a. freedom of speech and b. the right to use sick humour as a defense mechanism if I so wish....If you don't like this thread, don't read it. If you don't like me, there's an ignore button.

Bill, you are the Knowledge and I claim my five pounds .

MILK THIS THREAD!
 
 
Bill Posters
17:12 / 03.02.03
It will save me time if I just ignore this thread.

Posting on a thread to say you're ignoring it isn't quite ignoring it though, is it? ;-)
 
 
that
17:14 / 03.02.03
I know. Still pisses me off though. And yeah, we should have worked out how to be less wasteful and how to deal with our own refuse - but, shock horror, that would involve actually cooperating.

Thank you for not shouting at me, Haus. And everyone else. In the mood I am in, it probably would've made me cry.
 
 
Ethan Hawke
17:20 / 03.02.03
hegemonic opposition from a near totalising mediascape......If you don't like this thread, don't read it. If you don't like me, there's an ignore button.

...and if you don't like it, change the channel...jeez, someone's feeling defensive...

I don't necessarily have a problem with jokes about tragedy, but I certainly would object that to the assertion that to feel any grief about the accident is to kowtow to "Amerikkka", whatever that is. Even if the "warbloggers" start writing columns about how the astronauts are the product of our superior civilization, and that Iraq/Korea/whoever couldn't compete because they aren't Capitalist/"democratic"/whatever (and its inevitable), to confuse the unfortunate opportunistic jingoization of the tragedy with the tragedy itself is just plain lazy.

Why does the shuttle disaster get coverage, and the 40 people killed in a Nigerian explosion not?- Now, I might not be paying attention, but its not very often that people are incinerated coming down from space. (and, as my girlfriend said, "Imagine if (pop star) Lance Bass was on that mission.") People are blown up in terrestial explosions all the time. While I wouldn't totally discount the "Thousands of Brown People Dead Somewhere" (thank you, The Onion) factor, the news organizations devote more air time not from some sort of puppet-mastered agenda, but because it's not a frequent occurance. There's TONS of drama inherent in the story, and heck, people are interested in hearing about it, the whys and wherefores of how it happened. It's not a function of capitalism or imperialism - it's a function of what normal, everyday people find interesting and newsworthy.

Does the attention paid to the event outweigh the signficance of the event? Impossible to quanitify, really, but -probably. But how that avalanches into the hegemony of Amerikkka, rather than simply news organizations climbing ass over elbows to cover the same damn story is a jump I'm not going to make.


And I agree with everything Haus says.
 
 
Shortfatdyke
17:26 / 03.02.03
Hey kids, let's get this straight. Seven people dying in a crash is tragic. It's sad. But I'm not going to claim to care that much - I'd love to be an astronaut, even with all the risks, but I think the money used on the space program could be better spent. And no one was frog marched to the shuttle, as far as I know. Anyway, at least I'm not exploiting the accident for financial gain on E Bay.

Now who's sick?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:27 / 03.02.03
It's really not a very shouty day. And you're right - if we're paying people at the bottom end of the scale peanuts (and we're talking about all sorts of key workers here, and people like doctors and some teachers who, although very well paid apparently in the greater scheme of things, are still being driven out of their jobs by what they see as intolerable conditions) while paying astronauts a fortune, then there is something *unfair* about that, but it's a very predictable, capitalist form of unfairness - the better qualified and better equipped have a far better chance of being astronauts.

But then I don't know how much astronauts are paid. I'll wager it probably isn't as much as a three-star general, whose primary professional obligation is to arrange for the destruction of other human beings, or for that matter the non-executive director of a decent-sized process chemicals company, on the payroll primarily because they can smooth over issues of major groundwater contamination with the guys they used to be in congress or at Harvard with.

Put it another way: I don't think it's the astronauts *fault* that they were being paid more than a refuse collector, or eating better than a starving member of the MDC. I have no idea whether their financial stability and full bellies, or their position at the head of a massive US technological enterprise, makes them a more suitable topic for humour than. That's opening that very difficult question about whether some things are not "acceptable" (whatever that means) subjects for humour...and we're onto getting Zimbabweans into phone boxes, "six months that shook a year" and so on....

Ah, life was so much simpler in 1986....
 
 
deja_vroom
17:28 / 03.02.03
Bill: Posting on a thread to say you're ignoring it isn't quite ignoring it though, is it? ;-)

Can't hear you, Bill. I'm ignoring this thread. La la la.
 
 
that
17:31 / 03.02.03
As an aside, IIRC Constance Penley's book NASA/Trek has a lot about the sexist bent of the Challenger jokes, which is interesting.
 
 
that
17:36 / 03.02.03
No - definitely not the astronauts 'fault' they were getting paid more than a refuse collector - wasn't remotely claiming that it was, or that the shuttle blowing up was some sort of divine justice for the poor. Dear god, no.

Jokes about disasters seem to be inevitable. I think they can be a coping mechanism. I think they can be in extremely bad taste - but having made, and laughed at, extremely bad taste jokes in the past, I don't feel I have the moral high ground here.
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
18:29 / 03.02.03
Yes, agreed. The situation is tragic, but it's a small fraction of the tragedy that occurred on that day, I'm sure. The difference being that we'll be hearing more about this tragedy for the next several months, whereas the others made but a tiny ripple in world news on the day of. That, perhaps, is the real tragedy.
 
 
grant
18:42 / 03.02.03
Since you asked...:

Astronauts begin their salary in accordance with the US Government pay scale at GS-11 (approximately $39,000.) status and top off at GS-14 (approximately $78,000).

The work is sometimes long and arduous and it is not unusual for a candidate to arrive at work at 7:30 a.m. and not return home until after 11:00 p.m.


That's as of 1995.

Currently, a GS-11 makes $20.59 an hour base, and a GS-15 makes $40.80 an hour. Both make $28.11/hr overtime.

There are local variances, and steps within a pay grade (to reflect annual raises and the like, I'm assuming). It works out to a bit over $42,000 for a GS-11 (my better half makes slightly more as a social worker), and $85,000 for a GS-15. (They do get a "locality allowance" of between 8 and 20% more. I don't know if astronauts count as Houston, Cocoa Beach or Huntsville.)

A New York City sanitation worker earns an average salary of $26,988. An electrical engineer makes an average $74,642. And an astronomer in New York makes an average $109,039 - beating out an average GS-15 quite nicely without ever leaving the ground.
 
 
Fist Fun
18:50 / 03.02.03
I was a bit suprised to see the thread in the Switchboard spring up. Interesting to see the importance attached to this compared to the oil spill on the Gallician coast - by Barbelith I mean, rather than the media in general.
 
 
Cosmicjamas
20:15 / 03.02.03
Well, here's the oldest joke in the book: Definition of NASA = Need Another Seven Astronauts. Not particularly funny, just to get the thread back on track.

I wouldn't allow myself to knowingly go on a 22 year old BUS let alone a spacecraft that had gone through take-off and re-entry that many times. Perhaps this tragedy will cause the USA to re-assess their space program. Perhaps not.
 
 
grant
20:39 / 03.02.03
Y'know, a lot of commercial airliners are that old or older.
 
 
w1rebaby
21:46 / 03.02.03
I don't think generals earn that much, either - it's all in the perks.

I admit to being quite surprised at the amount of coverage this is getting here in the US. I'm a sci-fi child, I've been brought up on space exploration as a symbol of the best in mankind, I watched the first shuttle launch on TV despite being rather small. But the level of coverage of this, an admittedly tragic etc accident in a pretty dangerous profession... pages and pages in newspapers, hours on TV (I'm watching a lengthy press conference on C-SPAN right now), huge quantities of webbage.

I wouldn't claim any huge insight into this, I'm just a dumb foreigner who's been here three months. It seems like astronauts and the space programme in general are symbolic in many different ways, to different groups - to some, perhaps, a symbol of US superiority, but to many, a symbol of general human co-operation, rationality, progress, peace.

That wouldn't stop me making bad taste jokes, but I don't have any, so I can't. They're just going to be the same as the old ones anyway....
 
 
Ethan Hawke
23:26 / 03.02.03
The getting-funnier-but-still-not-consistantly-good Neal Pollack on the space shuttle.
 
 
w1rebaby
23:28 / 03.02.03
don't you think it's about time that our space vehicles began to resemble penises again?

He has a point there. Space shuttles really don't look like cocks. Too much fin.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
07:04 / 04.02.03
I have a strange fascination with topical jokes that are out of date- Herald of Free Enterprise or Piper Alpha (what's got four legs and goes woof?) jokes, for example. Hence I was really into space shuttle jokes until they became up-to-date again. Ask me in a couple of years.
 
 
Hattie's Kitchen
07:18 / 04.02.03
Hey, not wanting to be callous, but I'm a big fan of sick jokes - three of my uncles have died in the past year, and I've never laughed so much as at their funeral wakes...but it's pretty subjective. I find it easy to make jokes about shuttles, Gary Glitter, Princess Di etc, however I remember when the Hillsborough disaster happened, and I beat the crap of some kid at school for telling a joke about it, cos I knew someone who died there...stuff like the shuttle, Piper Alpha, unless you actually knew someone involved, then it's easy to make it funny cos it's so detached from your normal life..I'm a hypocrite, but it won't stop me using that kind of humour to help me to get to grips with stuff. And also, laughter just helps, you know?
 
 
Nietzsch E. Coyote
07:38 / 04.02.03
Well then, does anyone actually have a joke, I don't know any and I can't seem to make any yet. Help us to laugh instead of crying.
 
 
Punji Steak
08:19 / 04.02.03
Cosmicjamas: "I wouldn't allow myself to knowingly go on a 22 year old BUS let alone a spacecraft that had gone through take-off and re-entry that many times"

Umm, well, I wouldn't get on a bus that had been through take off and reentry even once, but maybe I'm just being overly cautious...
 
 
Baz Auckland
12:10 / 04.02.03
What's Piper Alpha? Can I hear a Gary Glitter joke? (I never heard of him before seeing Velvet Goldmine a few years back)
 
 
Bear
12:23 / 04.02.03
Piper Alpha was an oil rig there was an accident and it went up in flames in 88 - about 160 people died.
 
 
Smoothly
15:53 / 04.02.03
Barry, as requested...

What's the difference between Gary Glitter and acne?
Acne waits till you're 13 before it comes on your face.

Why wouldn't they let Gary Glitter manage the England football squad?
Because he wanted to put Seaman in the under 16's.

Did you hear about Gary Glitter's holiday?
He went to Tampa with the children.

et cetera, et ceteraaaaaaa
 
  

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