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Barbenoia

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8===>Q: alyn

21:10 / 30.01.03

I know y'all are out to git me. This thread is full of personal insults. Also, I haven't done a tally or anything but if you check carefully, I think you'll see that I am thread killer number one around here.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:37 / 30.01.03

About a week after I first signed up, I started a thread in the Converation along the lines of "Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to..." with posters invited to complete the sentence. Someone using a punctuation mark for a nick took it up themselves to inform me that they were sick of seeing fluff on Barbelith, and bitched at length about how they'd started loads of great threads about Fucking Shit Up and nobody was responding. The implication was that in the space of a week, I'd somehow managed to aquire a personality cult which was dense enough to warp the fabric of Barbedom around it.

So yeah, I say it's you as well. :P

8===>Q: alyn

21:48 / 30.01.03

Hrm. I think I did this wrong. You're supposed to say what makes you a bad Barbeloid and why we should all hate you.

Char Aina

23:02 / 30.01.03

you should all hate me, mostly for my raging homophobia; blatantly fascist politics and musical tastes; my indifference to the plight of the suffering; and also my propensity for wearing non vegan shoes.

as if that werent enough, i will actually shit in your bath if you have me round your house. if i come around uninvited, which to be frank i intend to, probably while you are out, it will be your pillow i shall shit on. and then turn over.

Tryphena Absent

23:07 / 30.01.03

I'm a patronising bitch who constantly insults people that I've never spoken a word too. I talk to myself all the time and scream at the radio and television while people are trying to listen. I swear down the phone to my housemate's uptight parents when they ring up and I eat five chocolate bars a day and still manage not to be fat despite doing no exercise.

Char Aina

23:20 / 30.01.03

oh, also, dont think i am taking the piss, or take the piss out of me, for i, it has been decreed, have no sense of humour. well, except when there are crippled, gay, jewish, black women in trouble. when obviously it kicks right in.

uncle retrospective

23:21 / 30.01.03

Fuck you all! I don't care if your like me or not.
That should explain it.

Eloi Tsabaoth

23:23 / 30.01.03

I almost never post, and on the rare occasions I do it's either incoherent gibbering or thread-rot. I am also desperate for attention and undue recognition.
Also, I was Eloi Tsabaoth. Honest. Greatest trick I ever pulled.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:32 / 30.01.03

In my dayjob as chairman of Procter & Gamble, I pioneered the p[ractise of drilling holes in kittens. Really cute ones.

It was also I who hacked into the Top of the Pops computer and told them they had to play "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams every week for a decade, despite the harsh reality that absolutely nobody had bought it. In fact, it wasn't even on sale. Ever. Actually, I wrote it. And played all the instruments. yeah. That was me. And I was killing kittens while I did it. I so was.

Char Aina

23:58 / 30.01.03

[in shock and alarm:]

YOU'RE bryan adams?

Brigade du jour

04:04 / 31.01.03

toksik, it would be quite easy for you to shit in my bath, because it's sunken into the floor. it would therefore make an even more satisfying plop.

you should all hate me because I'm arrogant and handsome and conceited and flick rubber bands at people a lot of the time. Also, I got angry at Suggs once.

Tezcatlipoca

05:35 / 31.01.03

Well given that when the earth was only water I tricked the great Caimen, Tlatechutli, to rise from the sea, then tore out her jaw forcing her to remain on the surface and thus create all land on the earth, and taking into consideration that without that land human beings would never have evolved, I guess I am personally responsible for the actions of the entire human race since the beginning (including that Bryan Adams song). Sure, I got my foot replaced by a smoking mirror, but hey, it still makes me pretty despised...

Jack Fear

13:21 / 31.01.03

All you young people—young, beautiful, ambisexual anarchists, festooned with tattoos and nipple-rings, with your drugs and your mobile phones and your well-developed senses of irony—and here I am, a tired, balding old man who never took a chance in his life, who pays his taxes and goes to church and shops at the Gap: and you humor me and patronize me when I voice my paleolithic and painfully earnest defenses of my hidebound vanilla lifestyle, all the while snickering at me behind my back—praising me for my "wisdom" and "insight," all the while thinking it's little more than the senile ramblings of a piss-stinking old wreck with food-stains and dribble down the front of the desperately unfashionable jumper that barely covers his repulsive gut.

that

13:27 / 31.01.03

You shop at the Gap???

You should all hate me because I managed to get a good degree despite doing NO FUCKING WORK. And because I actually like that Bryan Adams song. And because my novel is about boys and weapons instead of arse-kicking girls. Christ.

Sax

13:30 / 31.01.03

Not forgetting of course your sickening habit of bringing screaming infants into the world and your persistent championing of music that was too old and sluggish to even make it on to the ark. Grandad.

Sax

13:31 / 31.01.03

Which was aimed at Jack, obviously, and not Chol.

Sax

13:32 / 31.01.03

And you should all hate me because you secretly want me, despite yourselves.

Jack Fear

13:53 / 31.01.03

Oh, at this point it's a given that you all think my children are repulsive and my tastes laughable: you don't even bother concealing those aspects of your bottomless contempt, anymore.

I'm on to you lot. Your massssssssks are ssssslipping.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:04 / 31.01.03

You should all hate me because I hate most of you: my default opinion of new posters is set to "mild contempt" and can only be improved by displays of staggering wit, phenomenal intelligence, interestingly progressive sexual attitudes, fantastic cultural taste and screamingly right-on politics. That, or Transformers references. Conversely, it takes very little for me to add your name to The List. And when I and my clique of sickeningly like-minded liberal fundamentalists seize power, it's up against the wall, rehhyemfah! for the lot of you.

Jack Fear

14:06 / 31.01.03

"Rehhyemfah"?

Sax

14:12 / 31.01.03

Some specifics:

Jack Fear hates me because I remind him of himself. Two years ago.

Haus hates me because he thinks I'm nothing more than a het flirt.

Ganesh hates me because he doesn't trust me.

Flyboy would hate me but he hasn't the faintest idea who I am.

Persephone says she loves me, but is in fact taunting me from a far-off Continent.

Ariadne hates me because I persist in flirting even though she's got a boo now.

Grant hates me because I exposed him as Mafia.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:41 / 31.01.03

Jack: it's a Blackadder Goes Forth thing. Try shouting it really quickly - gabbling it, if you will - in an English accent.

Sax: I know perfectly well who you are, young cock. Surprisingly, your name is not on The List, but now you come to mention it I'm sure that must be an oversight. Further investigations will have to be made.

Matthew Fluxington

15:01 / 31.01.03

Well, all of you should like me, even those of you for whom I can barely conceal my contempt. I hate most of you even more than Flyboy does! However, you should love me because along with the small handful of Barbelith regulars whom I approve of, I'm showing you all how to behave, telling you what to think, and exposing you to all the good stuff out there that you're not cool enough to find out about before me.

Badbh Catha

15:08 / 31.01.03

Oh, I'm definitely despised on this board. I've only been here since November, and I've been called a comedy suit, a secondary suit for another poster, and a dreaded resurrection of a past poster.

Not bad for three months of calling half-assed, lazy-thinking self-promoting fuckwits on their shit, eh?

Shortfatdyke

15:14 / 31.01.03

I wish everyone here did hate me. It's better than the utter indifference I know you all feel. Shortfatwho?

8===>Q: alyn

15:27 / 31.01.03

SFD, I mostly hate you because I'm uncomfortable using, even thinking about, the word "dyke". It makes me feel all icky, like I might be coming down with something.

Ethan Hawke

15:44 / 31.01.03

That's odd, Qalyn, because I hate her because I'm uncomfortable using or thinking about the word "short." And I hate you because to type your name, I have to do a capital "Q", and it confuses my left pinky finger because he wants to hit "Shift" and "Q" simultaneously, and can't. Nobody should confuse my pinky finger like that!

8===>Q: alyn

16:15 / 31.01.03

I hate you because you whine and pamper your fingers. I chose the Q-name for the express purpose of exercizing everyone's lazy pinkies.

Oh, but wait. I've thrown this off track. We're supposed to excoriate ourselves here, not each other. Yet another reason to despise the Q-man!

Whisky Priestess

16:15 / 31.01.03

Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful ...

Hate me 'cause I'm clever too. And because I have a watch that takes pictures.

Tezcatlipoca

20:29 / 31.01.03

And I hate you because to type your name, I have to do a capital "Q", and it confuses my left pinky finger because he wants to hit "Shift" and "Q" simultaneously, and can't. Nobody should confuse my pinky finger like that!

I hate you for your clear inability to realise that you have a pinky on your right hand, and that your keyboard offers the option of a right shift key. What are you? Some kind of left-thinking freak?

_pin

21:17 / 31.01.03

You all hate me because I'm 18, tall, skinny, look like Ainslie, held Jo from Valerie's beer last weekend, wrote a zine, got censored by a book shop, have a better naem for a blog then you ever will, will take over the world by the age of 25 and, even by the universal standards of People Who Play Bass Looking Hott, I look hott then most with my bass.

OR you all hate me because I'm an anally retentive naval gazeing no-drug-taking pussy boy, and one of you deffinatly hates me because of all the stupid crappy space my stupid crappy "I need a hug" whiiny-assed stupid shit takes up.

Actually, there's probablly a whole contingent of you who likes me, because everyone knows gay men are peadophiles.

Ganesh

21:33 / 31.01.03

I am the Queen Mother of Barbelith Royalty (tm) - except I drink piss rather than smelling of it. And my teeth aren't beige. And I'll never die.

Eloi Tsabaoth

21:55 / 31.01.03

I'm an anally retentive naval gazeing no-drug-taking pussy boy, and one of you deffinatly hates me because of all the stupid crappy space my stupid crappy "I need a hug" whiiny-assed stupid shit takes up.

We were separated at birth, I know it...

_pin

22:28 / 31.01.03

I'll do you a swap... you can have the over-bearing, guilt-tripping mother back so you have to account for yr movements AT ALL TIMES, and I can make a cartoon that gets put on TV.

Deal?

Strange Machine Vs The Virus with Shoes

20:57 / 01.02.03

I am obviously hated because of my attempts to dumb down this site. I’ve must have no respect for the high-minded, intellectual ideals of this site. I should steer clear of the head shop, what with my flippant, half-baked theories and opinions. My rampant misanthropy shows through my clownish, boorish exterior from time to time, but hey I’ve got a big ego and a thick skin so “what the fuck”. Besides, I’m always right, so there.

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