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Harry Potter and the Ounce of Sense - SPOILERS TO EVERY BOOK PUBLISHED SO FAR

 
  

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Cat Chant
21:41 / 04.03.03
Jack, that's absolutely fascinating: I shall go away and ponder it.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
17:28 / 05.03.03
(I didn't know where to put this but I really enjoyed it so... Pop goes the weasel)
 
 
Jack Fear
12:41 / 09.03.03
Deva: Ponder that, by all means.

Ponder, too, the state of affairs that leads a right-thinking, free-speech liberal parent to quake with anxiety when his net-savvy six-year-old Potter fan clicks on a link to a Snape fansite; ponder his instinctive cringe at the very sight of the words "fan art." Ponder the rightness orwrongness, the fairness or unfairness, of this being the way things are. Because I sure as hell can't figure it out.

I feel a Head Shop thread coming on, actually.
 
 
Cat Chant
16:32 / 09.03.03
Yup, Head Shop thread please.
 
 
Jack Fear
17:33 / 09.03.03
Hither.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
07:13 / 19.06.04
Well, that's that then.

Speaking though her publicist, author J.K. Rowling shocked fans and the publishing world Monday when she announced that she has opted to end the best-selling Harry Potter series because she has discovered boys.
 
 
Lord Morgue
15:26 / 19.06.04
My store at one time sold Harry Potter Magic Wands. Fourteen dollars for a plastic twig with the Potter logo. Didn't even light up, or make a noise. A PLASTIC TWIG. For FOURTEEN DOLLARS.

GAHHH!
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:41 / 20.06.04
Stay on topic, children. This thread is for discussing practical solutions to Harry Potter's problems. We indulged Jack in a detour because it was still about the books and why they were shit, but funnee links and Cris de coeur about exploitative merchandising are not talking about the books, now, are they?
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
10:18 / 21.06.04
You're no fun.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
13:23 / 21.06.04
Fuckin' muggles.
 
 
Lord Morgue
11:40 / 03.08.04
J.K. Rowling interview that I hope will answer some of your questions.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
13:47 / 03.08.04
You're seeking attention again, Morque, using somebody else's jokes. If you want to revive the thread, post something relevant. Otherwise, let it go. If you find the link so rib-tickling, put it in the Conversation.
 
 
Lord Morgue
08:36 / 04.08.04
Seeking attention using someone else's jokes? How about linking to an article I found amusing? I'm so sorry I belittled the utter gravity of a thread discussing Harry Fucking Potter. You really will find any excuse you can to stick your cock in my ear, won't you? At least I'm honest about it when I'm being an arsehole. Piss off, Huas, you're a joke.
 
 
Lord Morgue
11:55 / 04.08.04
Yeah, it's a darn shame. Now shut up and bask in my reflected glory.
 
 
nedrichards is confused
16:32 / 04.08.04
Another good solution. Remove everybodys memory that Harry Potter is Harry Potter and transubstantiate ha;f the schhol into Harry lookalikes thus giving him flock like safety in numbers. Combine that with a nifty Buffy-esque "we've all got a bit of Harry in us" plotpoint and you're onto a winner. Also a Justice League style perpetual series of lookalike heroes for future spinoffs.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
22:29 / 04.08.04
We can *all* be the boy who lived...

Well, those of us who are alive, anyway.

Cue awful sub-house elves subplot involving the ghosts, who want to be Harry Potter as well.

Meanwhile, everybody else is *totally* Voldemort.

Dude.
 
 
nedrichards is confused
14:12 / 05.08.04
Except for those who are totally Harry, dude. So everyone is Voldemort or Harry which, as we know, are two sides of the same coin. Thus symbolising ying and yang or somesuch.

Yes, we all have a hero inside of us, who makes us noble. Go Aunt May!
 
 
Tryphena Absent
15:39 / 05.08.04
Ha! I'm totally Lavender Brown.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
09:08 / 16.08.04
Rowling drops hints for next books.

The writer revealed a few morsels about her hero, including the revelation that he "survives to book seven"

Rumours that he gets an eyepatch and the last lines of book seven are "Harry? You betrayed us? You betrayed... me?" can't be confirmed at this time.

She also revealed that there were two vital questions she had never been asked about the series which might help to unravel its mysteries.

She said they should be asking themselves "not 'why did Harry live' but 'why didn't Voldemort die?'" The second question, she added cryptically, is: "Why didn't Dumbledore kill, or try to kill, Voldemort?"


Well, the answer to the first question may well be that Harry and Voldemort's lives are bound together in one of those pesky 'they must live and die together' dealys? Which might explain number two as well...
 
 
Cat Chant
10:00 / 16.08.04
"Why didn't Dumbledore kill, or try to kill, Voldemort?"

Why does his name rhyme with Voldemort? Why does he persistently put Harry in danger? He's evil, dude! The only question is whether Rowling has noticed - she's not the only writer in the Potterverse with an overlong, unedited and rushed-into-publication WIP, and her take on the universe is a lot less interesting than a lot of other writers'.

I'm starting to think that conceiving this as a series of seven books was one of the fatal mistakes from the beginning. The undecidability of Dumbledore's ineptness/possible evil vs Rowling just not really being in control of what she's doing could have worked with a swifter resolution, but six hundred thousand words (or whatever it'll be by the end) is too long to wait, and it makes the books harder and harder to read along the way.

Jack and all others with tiny children looking for porn - it may help your peace of mind to know that WB's lawyers have now managed to close down almost all the adult and slash fan sites, and those that remain are either password-protected or just not easily accessible to search engines and have asked everyone to take down all links to them. (Having said which, if anyone knows where Nox et Lumos has gone, please PM me...)
 
 
Cat Chant
10:02 / 16.08.04
Though having said that, I should add the disclaimer that since I don't read het, I might not have the best overview of the state of play there.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:07 / 19.07.05
Right. Felix Felicis. Distilled luck.

Dumbledore: Gosh. Wasn't it terribly lucky that the combined resources of Hogwarts and the Ministry of Magic allowed for the creation of vastly more luck juice than Voldemort had, thus leading to the fortunate discovery of the Death Eaters' lair and its effortless capture, during which you and Voldemort spent a fortnight lobbing spells at each other and swigging felix felicis, until he ran out and you 0wnz0red him.

Harry: Certainly was. Now, Vegas?
 
 
nedrichards is confused
16:28 / 19.07.05
I like this World War One attempting to out produce the enemy, it could work. Industrial bases are TEH SEXY to write about.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
07:01 / 21.07.05
'Harry Potter: Agent of SHIELD' has a good ring to it.
 
 
Mazarine
01:17 / 05.08.05
An eyepatch has to be better than the Terribly Unfashionable round glasses. (Seriously, couldn't he have gone rectangular by now? No wonder he gets no canon play.)

I agree with De(va)feld about Rowling just not noticing things about her own series. My fiance made the comment "Has she in fact read any of her own books?"
 
 
Mistoffelees
09:57 / 05.08.05
Does any other pupil at Hogwarts except HP have glasses? And I always wondered, why glassesa at all? Madame Pomfrey should give him 20/20 vision with a flick of a wand or whatever.
 
 
Jack Fear
10:48 / 05.08.05
Percy Weasley wore them in his later years there. And of course Dumbledore, McGonagall, Rita Skeeter... specs are hardly unknown in the wizarding world.
 
 
Ex
08:39 / 02.12.05
Right. Half-Bloody Prince.
Why, if Snape discovered thirty or so years ago, that there were better ways of doing most of the potions than the ways suggested by the most used Hogwarts textbook, did he not rewrite the textbook?

This is daft for two reasons:
- He has been using substandard textbooks to teach his students for all that time - which would drive him round the twist, surely, and also train all the wizards wrong (which, before someone points out that he is teh evil, also counts for the Death Eaters in Waiting, Slytherin).

- He could use his publication record to get promotion to the Defence Against the Dark Arts post.
(I know, this point is weaker, because I'm thinking of the British University system, where having authored an authoritative textbook would count for something - the DADA is in the gift of Dumbledore, who is for obscure reasons never going to shell it out, even if Snape kills Voldemort, raises Dumbledore and banishes evil from the world replacing it with altruism and kittens).

Maybe he wants to keep it all to himself. But this is his school-room musings - surely he'll keep improving, so he'll still be ahead of the game, even if he publicises a few of his older experiments.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
13:24 / 02.12.05
I can see that you really don't remember school maths lessons. I thought this was a very accurate representation of the way kids are taught the most difficult and absurd ways to do things even though they have been refined by a huge number of theorists and of course the existence of calculators.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:31 / 02.12.05
Generally, however, those theorists are not the ones actually teaching the lessons.
 
 
Mazarine
09:25 / 07.01.06
Not much point in rewriting the textbooks. Hogwarts Press would just take the majority of the profits, and put a new seventy-galleon edition out each term with a different cover and a couple chapters reordered. He still wouldn't get a T.A. or tenure.

How would I protect Harry Potter? For starters, I'd either kill Ron or seperate him from Harry, put him in some sort of mine-canary role. "Whoops, Ron's dead. Perk up everyone, I think we're under attack." In place of Ron, flank him with Lovegood and Longbottom. Lovegood's got the powers of lateral thinking that will compliment Hermione's intelligence, and Longbottom's feelings of inadequacy appear far less bitter than Ron's, thus less spats and potential betrayals, since Ron gets bent out of shape at least once a book.

Take those four, stick them in the midst of the Order, forcibly teach Harry all the things he's supposed to have been learning but conveniently skipped over (Occulmency, casting without talking). I'd be so happy if Voldemort died while Luna nattered on in a sort of play-by-play commentary.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
19:24 / 08.01.06
Generally, however, those theorists are not the ones actually teaching the lessons.

Which I suppose brings us back to Snape's personality...
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:34 / 08.01.06
Maybe he just likes hanging out with the kids, because underneath that crusty exterior he has a heart of gold, and he knows that if he revealed his vast abilities he would be seconded to a Ministry post or (if such a thing there be) Wizard higher education (which doesn't seem to exist - rather, you pick a trade and it presumably gives you an apprenticeship - another grimly traditional thing about the wizarding world).

After all, there's not a huge amount of evidence that any of these teachers are much cop. Dumbledore is clearly very good, but actually so good that he could refuse any job other than headmaster. Beyond that... Hagrid was appointed apparently on a whim, at least one of the Divination professors is functionally a charlatan, don't even get me started on Defence Against the Dark Arts... Hogwarts may have the best teachers in the wizarding world, but that may not be a ringing endorsement.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
21:13 / 09.01.06
The Hogwarts experience of Defense Against the Dark Arts takes me back to year 7 French. After our teacher, who gave us all French names and couldn't remember them and had told us many, many stories about her deaf Aunt and Uncle who had two TVs in one room- the only time she spoke English for an entire month- had a paranoid breakdown and left the school we had a vast number of different supply teachers, each of whom taught completely different areas of the subject. Leaving us utterly unable to speak any French at all.

I suspect Snape may be a little like the deaf Aunt and Uncle. Happy to ignore everything except his own TV (the TV being the cauldron). I'm not sure that the Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers understand that though.
 
  

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