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Well, At the end of Book 4 we discovered that:
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Lord V. is back, the Death Eaters (terrible name, terrible guys) are back in town, Dumbledore is in effect ready to set up Hogwarts, Britain's elite and possibly only school for young wizards, as a sovereign entity no longer obeying the diktats of the Ministry of Magic. Voldemort is clearly out to kill Harry Potter, as evinced by his ateempty to kill Harry Potter, and having been made to look like a great big tool in front of all his followers will no doubt want this even more.
Sooo....what the holy rubbery fuck is Dumbledore doing sending Harry back to the Dursleys, who have no means of protecting him from Voldemort and wouldn't lift a finger anyway? It's not going to tax V. to destruction to work his way through surviving Potter relatives....why not keep him at Hogwarts where Dumbledore, the one person regualry credited with the ability to protect Potter against Voldemort, can keep an eye on hiom, or at least send him to the Weasleys, who could muster an Auror or two from the Ministry of Magic or at least have some adult, skilled magicians generally availbale if they are attacked? Either Dumbledore is actually Voldemort (I maintain that literally everyone except Harry is Voldemort), or credibility is being strectched to the limit so that we can have another adherence to the Mallory Towers structure of the books (starting at the main character's home just before the start of term).
So, as opposed to the thread discussing Book 5 in general, this is a thread discussing how, assuming Harry doesn't end up wearing his entrails as a hat as a result of this piece of stupidity, Hogwarts might acknowledge its new-found status as place of protection for the target of one fo the most evil and powerful magicians ever. My suggestions so far, none of which I look forward to seeing put in place.
1) Slytherin is disbanded. No really. Seriously. Think about it. Every bad magician ever has come from Slytherin. Slytherin may be the titular house for the ambitious, but the latest influx emonstrates that it is in fact the actual house for the EVIL. Everybody in Slytherin is a cock. It would be good if any character had been represented as not a cock and from Slytherin, but no. Therefore, those currently members of Slytherin are given a quick run-through of the Sorting Hat and either rehoused or, if it insists on Slytherin, sent off with a hearty handshake to try to find Durmstrang. The sorting hat is then told in no uncertain terms that any future students it thinks belong in Slytherin should be assigned to the Bye Bye House. The only remotely trustworthy character we've seen so far is Snape, who can be reassigned. And since he's so *fucking* trustworthy, maybe he could actually be given Defence Against the Dark Arts this time round? You know, given that three of the last four external appointments have been fucking disasters?
2) Whether given the Dark Arts gig or not, Snape could, in the free time provided by the sudden lightening of his house master duties, become Harry's bodyguard. Alternatively, that could go to Sirius Black or Alastor Moody, both trusted and Moody at least is at a loose end at present. Certainly, any Headmaster not simply attempting to perpetuate an utterly illusory sense of idyllic schooldays should assign Harry a minder with a bit of previous on the dark magics front.
3) Even if Slytherin is kept around (and why not just honour Salazar Slytherin by naming the Quidditch cup after him or something?), Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle have to go. Yes, I know, this will leave no everyday antagonists for Harry, but we are concerned here with safety, not plot elements. Malfoy, Grabbe and Goyle have been identified as the progeny of Death Eaters (identified by Harry Potter, whom Dumbledore trusts implicitly, remember). Malfoy has openly voiced his support of Voldemort, and his policy of killing the House Captain and Seeker of Hufflepuff in front of a trainful of his peers. Even if he stays, he should be a pariah, although he will no doubt not be represented as such since the Reset button will be pressed. Seriously, the guy is Sheik Abu Hamza, but blonder. This will also help out the filmakers, as they will be able to carry on without the problem of an antagonist who can't act.
Any more? |
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