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Your fantasy weapon...

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that

12:48 / 15.01.03

Whether this thread will get any traffic at all is doubtful - it's entirely probable that I just read too much David Gemmell et al, and entirely possible I'm the only person who has ever pondered this... but anyway, in case anyone else cares - what weapon would you have if you were a character in a fantasy novel?

As much as I'd like to be a skilled swordswoman, I think I'd have most luck with a bow. A la the Elven archers, I like to think.

that

12:51 / 15.01.03

I thought about knocking up a quiz for people to do, to determine which weapon they'd be most suited to - 'cause I know how much everyone enjoys personality quizzes. but I couldn't be arsed.

Sax

12:53 / 15.01.03

A bow would be good. Certainly some kind of long-range missile thing, possibly involving fireballs. That way you wouldn't have to get up close and personal with some nasty thing. Swords are okay but involve too much close-quarters scrapping.

Bear

12:53 / 15.01.03

It would have to be a knife, think of Faiths knife from Buffy but it's attached to my wrist. Also it would slide up my sleeve until needed (Taxi Driver style).

I've probably thought about this too much though, I love knives!

Loomis

13:15 / 15.01.03

Come on! What about a wizard's staff? Smoke all of ya! Zzzzzt!

Either that or a pipe for blowing smoke rings. Coolness is a weapon.

The Natural Way

13:29 / 15.01.03

I want this gun, right, that, when you pull the trigger, ejects massive spikes a meter long at four points around the circumference of the barrel. Each spike is covered in whirling razor blades. The bullets are transforming mini-guns that spray the area with nano-shrapnel. Heat seeking missiles unfold out of it's butt. I like it when the whole thing is red and fits on the head like a hat or a helmet. I want to marry it.

WaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAR! Gunheeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

Linus Dunce

13:36 / 15.01.03

I would have a small firearm disguised as a cigarette lighter. Its true nature would be completely undetectable so I could defend myself from mortal danger without risking prosecution for carrying a gun.

Oh right, you mean the genre. :-) It would have to be a big, fuck-off sword.

Shortfatdyke

13:42 / 15.01.03

My hands: I keep dreaming that I have magickal/supernatural powers, and I can do anything from painting directly from my fingers to putting a force field around me to repelling attackers, all by concentrating power through my hands, so I've already had lots of practise.

Shortfatdyke

13:43 / 15.01.03

...or else a big strap-on that can deliver 10,000 volts.

William Sack

13:51 / 15.01.03

<...or else a big strap-on that can deliver 10,000 volts

Ah, that would be The Joan, madam.

invisible_al

15:41 / 15.01.03

A Metal staff that collapses down really small so I can hide it behind my ear....MONKEY!

Eloi Tsabaoth

15:49 / 15.01.03

A grape that I could throw at people that could be, like, twice as hard as a normal grape, thus promoting a medium sized bruise, or possibly a blood blister. No, wait, two grapes. One for back up.

gridley

17:32 / 15.01.03

A rapier with a sharpened blade..

The Monkey

18:28 / 15.01.03

*Excuse me* invisible al, but that there staff is patented.

Can I just have a twig that I poke people with and then they die?

The Monkey

18:31 / 15.01.03

Or a mystical half-brick.

The Apple-Picker

18:32 / 15.01.03

Ooh. A bow is a beautiful weapon, and people who know how to use one look beautiful.

I, however, am not very good with archery. So my weapon of choice is pie.

Jack The Bodiless

18:35 / 15.01.03

Two slender short swords, used in tandem. All the sexiest Gemmell characters seem to use them, and they sound sweet.

I sooooo wanted to be Tenaka Khan. Or Waylander, but he didn't have the swords... but somehow he still rocked.

ONLY NICE THINGS

18:36 / 15.01.03

IIRC (and let's be realistic here), the rapier *has* a sharpened blade; the foible of a rapier is sharpened to a cutting edge. German rapiers were sharpened all the way down, but they were oogy.

Mourne Kransky

18:37 / 15.01.03

The weirding way. I could kill with a carefully chosen word. Very efficient hexing, that. And no Holtzman Generator would save the victim of my controlled and focussed ire!

Kit-Cat Club

19:26 / 15.01.03

Um. Hockey stick? Lacrosse, er... crosse? Decisions, decisions...

On reflection, though I can actually play lacrosse and can't play hockey, I think the net on a crosse might remove some of the impact. Also, they modern ones don't pack as much of a punch. So the hockey stick it is. Can you think of a more terrifying battle cry than 'jolly hockeysticks'? (Uttered by a horde of amazonian warriors, possibly painted with woad)

Trijhaos

19:42 / 15.01.03

A double-bladed battle axe imbued with lightning so that lightning runs up and down the blades like Dante's sword in Devil May Cry . The blades would be made of wootz damascus steel. It will have been quenched in the blood of 100 virgins and forged in the deepest fires of hell. It would imbue the user (i.e. me) with supernatural strength and speed and near invulnerability. It'd be somewhat sentient as in it could recognize those authorized to wield it and would take steps to keep itself out of unauthorized hands.

Of course, I wouldn't refuse if someone offered me a gun that shot out fireballs, lightning, or screaming temporal doom.

that

19:54 / 15.01.03

I want to be Waylander. I'd love a crossbow, instead of just a normal bow. They are the coolest fantasy-novel weapon ever. And Waylander is amoral enough to be very sexy indeed.

that

19:55 / 15.01.03

Having said that, demon-possessed weapons, like Druss' axe, are also very cool. But axes are a little unwieldy, methinks.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:56 / 15.01.03

A really really really big fucking sword. My engineering side wants to say a curved blade, ideally a Samurai sword (I could bore you all to death with Why Samurai Swords Are So Great, which would have the advantage of being unprosecutable), but the part of me that would actually have a fantasy weapon just screams for a broadsword. A big shiny broadsword, with maybe some jewels and glowy enchantment.

Broadswords just rock.

000

19:59 / 15.01.03

An army would be my weapon, were I a character in a fantasy novel.

000

20:00 / 15.01.03

And a large one at that.

Utopia

20:10 / 15.01.03

Christina Agulera. Kidnapped, brainwashed, and reverted to a feral state. Dressed in the skin of her fallen enemies, and wearing a big spiked collar (attached to a chain, for leashing purposes), she would be my ever-present familiar, crouched down by my side, growling and licking herself until her highly acute senses (a product of the mental and physical conditioning) detect a threat. Then, at my command, she would free herself of our metallic bond and let loose holy hell upon those daring and stupid enough to challenge her master. Defeating my enemy, she would feast on their flesh, washing her young, agile body in their blood. With victory confirmed, she would toungue herself clean of battle's foulness, curling up at the feet of her master before a warm fire to rest until duty calls again.

It's not that I like degrading women...it's just Christina Agulera.

Mazarine

20:34 / 15.01.03

I'd have to say some sort of brass knuckles with hand wraps, cause the only way I'm winning any fight is if I'm cast as a berzerker, and fighting angry doesn't work so well with precision weapons. Much as I love sharp things, I'd only be useful in beating things to a bloodly pulp. Hands wrapped in absurdly long, ragged wraps that waft in the breeze for nifty effect. Little girl with fierce fists of furious fury.

gridley

20:45 / 15.01.03

oh, you know what I meant, Haus, you big drama queen....

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:52 / 15.01.03

Utopia: Hide! Hide! There's gonna be blood!

Cubby

20:54 / 15.01.03

It's really hard to describe my dream weapon, because not many people have heard of a "side-arm".

Just imagine the baby that a mace and axe would have and add a spike in the back. Mmmm.....Bashy

The Return Of Rothkoid

21:30 / 15.01.03

My all-powerful Withering Gaze. Look at what ze's wearing...

Utopia

21:37 / 15.01.03

Ah shit! It had to come to this, eh? Me & Christina v. Mordant's Big Fucking Sword (TM)! Don't you know violence doesn't solve anything!?

Constitution Hill

21:38 / 15.01.03

A troupe of bitter ankelating dwarves.

Not so tall now, are ya?

The Strobe

21:58 / 15.01.03

Hmn. Tricky. For the Tolkein-fan-fiction school of fantasy, it's trickier, but something akin to a crossbow with a very big bayonet (so it could be used as a shit sword as well) would probably be about right. Poke from a distance, get stuck in later.

But really, the most appropriate thing I can think of for Paleface is a daisho set - matched katana and wakizashi. Precision engineering. Graceful. And getting right stuck in there with the hack-and-slash.

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