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Captain Zoom is a brilliant fucking god because...

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13:08 / 15.02.02

(And if you don't see the humour in this, fuck off!)

Zoom.

13:13 / 15.02.02

When I was seven years old he rescued my pet newt, Maisy, from the M25, built a shelter for her out of his own hair and sang Burt Bacharach songs to her until she was fully recovered. Then he slung his bundle - on - a - stick over his shoulder, and walked away whistling, stopping to shoot me a devilishly charismatic grin.

13:14 / 15.02.02

He used nepotism to climb the ranks.

pointless and uncalled for

13:16 / 15.02.02

Even from the age of three he has been able to recite all of the lyrics to every Kylie Minogue song ever written. He can even sing them backwards.

13:16 / 15.02.02

because he has the same name as a great ice-lolly !!!

Zoom

See bottom of the page!

(side note can you just post the pics from a website thats imbedded into the site?)

13:59 / 15.02.02

14:13 / 15.02.02

He knows *just* where the spot is.

14:15 / 15.02.02

Why did you have to kill Iris, you bastard?!?

14:16 / 15.02.02

...I have never been acosted and preached at/shouted down/generally abused by his followers in the street.

Although if this did ever occur, I - naturally - would convert.

14:30 / 15.02.02

And a few responses:

Lentil - how is Maisy. Ah, so many years ago now. Back when I was young and didn't eat lizards.

Sauron - how can you say that, Daddy?

WOI - that was meant to stay between you and I

bear/kookymojo - I am an ice lolly babies!

cusm - it's right on top of my Dad's head. we tease him about it mercilessly

moriarty - we both know you never loved her anyway.

haca - I'm just not whipping them enough then really, am I?

Bring it on.

Zoom.

14:47 / 15.02.02

he's 98% fat free, yet still tastes good, and won't give you cancer unless you smoke him

Matthew Fluxington

15:25 / 15.02.02

Captain Zoom is a brilliant fucking god because I just got a package from him containing issues of Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol that I had been missing for years, and it feels so nice to have them back again after all this time...

17:53 / 15.02.02

....because he stole crack from the other gods and gave it to man, so that they need not live in pain any longer. (plus afterwards, he invited some of us to hang out on that rock he got chained to, so that we could do hits of nitrous and watch his liver get torn out by Big Bird)

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:04 / 15.02.02

He plucked a large and painful thorn from the foot of the mighty Badger God, Sp'Ot, who deified him and imparted unto him the secrets of the Shaven Groin. I was there. I lent him my tweezers.

20:53 / 15.02.02

Captain Zoom smells like cheese. I liked him better before he was famous.

22:19 / 15.02.02

more responses, 'cause I'm impatient:

w1rebaby - funny, that. I was smoked just last night

Flux - who's the man? who's the man?

gridley - actually me and Big Bird patched things up and we shoot up Draino every second thursday. I'll give you a call next time.

Mordant - isn't it time for a shave?

ERD - i liked me better before the fame too.

Zoom.

20:49 / 16.02.02

Oh lord...
I think I feel an epic poem coming on...
or is just a fifties sci-fi jingle...?

20:56 / 16.02.02

check the creation in a few days, Cap'n...my monkey senses are tingling....

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

16:58 / 17.02.02

Because he was smart enough not to bring the nWo into his shop when comic sales were falling.

Because he lives in Toronto, near my bestest friend.

Because he will eventually become the Reverse Knowledge +1.

20:10 / 17.02.02

Because he wears such cool threads and is very friendly with pointy-headed people.

Did I mention the state-of-the-art weaponry and how he saved the Universe, along with Nichelle Nicholls.
My Hero!

20:11 / 17.02.02

I dunno, he just is.

[ 17-02-2002: Message edited by: akira ]

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

20:47 / 17.02.02

because he let me see his wife in electrical tape

20:56 / 17.02.02

'cuse when ever i see his Suit i get the song stuck in my head (starts singing) ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM! ah Zoomzoomzoom! XD

09:20 / 18.02.02

well... you see once upon a time, when Zoom was stilla young eon, we shared this moment. I know... it's kind of private, but I just can't hold back.

I will ever look back fondly on my childhood memories of the repetions of thumping and grinding... and the sweat... and the fact that I was forced to say "ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM IT RIGHT ON IN THERE!" as he read to me from the anals of Stan Lee... making me wonder why on earth I had never thought of Stan's work in context of sweaty underage butt loving before.

That and I get this feeling if I'm really nice to him one day he'll buy me a soda... or some sherbet flying saucers.
Maybe even a nonsoiled heath this time.

~drools at the thought~

But he never calls anymore.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

09:28 / 18.02.02

also, cause this COULD be his wife

09:28 / 18.02.02

Zoom's Wife: Ahh honey, no that ain't me, we all know I don't drink that brand of beer.

09:28 / 18.02.02

Now, my friends, now I'm feeling the love.

monkeys - I await with baited breath.

Solitaire - though I'm hurt that I'm not your bestest friend, loving god that I am, I will forgive it, for becoming the reverse-Knowledge would indeed make me legendary.

ZoCher and akira - someone in my publicity dept. is going to lose their job! I said no pictures to the press until the lawsuit was settled. And the guy in the pointy hat's only smiling 'cause I've got my other hand on his ass.

Elijah - I NEED those pictures back or I will be one very martyred god.

Gypsy - I am sorry for that. Possibly the only really annoying side effect of my presence on this plane.

Vadrice - I would call sweetie, but remember what the judge said? But hey, consider a karmic soda thrust (Oh Yeah!) your way.

Elijah (again? I am a popular god too) - well, yes, she could be. But I believe the answer to that one was put in the next post...

The Mrs. - Y'know sweetheart, I don't mind you using the suit, but what the hell are these wierd stains on the knees and shoulder blades.....

Zoom.

09:28 / 18.02.02

Maisy's good, although she's been kind of aloof since she landed that part in "The Enigma". And I think she's trying to ape Peter Milligan's taste in shirts.

20:45 / 21.03.02

I am the anti-Peter Milligan.

I am a jealous god who will accept nothing but crazed loyalty from my followers.

I am also a vain god, for resurrecting this thread.

Zoom.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:31 / 22.03.02

Behold! The Lord of the Shaven Groin is made manifest once more!

09:34 / 22.03.02

Zoom is God because he knows the words to Iron Maiden songs !!

09:34 / 22.03.02

"Zoom" is the mantra of the modern disenfranchised dreamer. It simultaneous hearkens to the primordial sound AUM, while in whimsical fashion simultaneously references child-like awe inherent to scientific-utopic visions of the future first depicted in space opera fiction...ZOOM!...thus generating a continuum from genesis to eidolon.

I'd continue, but the men in white coats just arrived.

09:34 / 22.03.02

Still working on the story, Zoom. Have been very preoccupied lately, though, and likely will be for a bit. So start breathing again.

09:34 / 22.03.02

cuz when i go to stalk my on line crush up in toranto and she calls the cops on me, i'll run then i'll find his shop, we'll bond over me tryin' to sell him a long box of Image's Brigade #0 and oh how we'll laugh, and then he'll let me sleep under the back issue table and eat a Bone trade to keep my health up... and cuz we're bros in comic retail, and i'm the coolest fucker ever, and if we're bro he's the older bro and thusly would have to be a brilliant fucking god to be the big bro to the coolest fucker ever... oh and he rules at muzzah fuggin' air hockey! (sorry i let yr air hockey secret out)

09:34 / 22.03.02

I bought a long box off a friend a couple of years ago which contained Brigade #0 - and I thought he liked me!

And Zoom, you'd better watch out, I sense iconoclasm bordering on deicide in the air.

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