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No, don't laugh - this is a serious idea.
Alright, it's not a serious idea. It's a daft, crazy, silly, bladder-on-a-stick Erisian idea, but hear me out, okay?
And I warn you now, it's loooooooong.
George W Bush is a 'Christian'. He follows the teachings of a gentle, long-haired preacher-man who, two millenia ago, the story goes, got together with a band of his followers and travelled around the country, questioning the established order, helping social outcasts, spreading a philosophy of peace and love, and preaching against social inequality. So pacifistic was this mystic that he encouraged one of his own followers to put down the sword he had drawn to protect him when agents of the state came to arrest him, put him on trial, and have him executed. Jesus was a poor man, born among the shit and filth of animals, and put to death in the company of thieves. Even in his torment, however, this peaceful, Gandhi-like figure called upon God to forgive his enemies. Inspiring, eh?
Thing is...George W Bush supports the death penalty. George W Bush supports laws which disproportionately target the socially excluded urban poor, many of whom wind up in jail or on death row. George W Bush is an oil millionaire, born into a wealthy family, a friend of many corrupt CEOs and repressive governments. He supports war against the people of Iraq and North Korea, and has introduced measures to curtail freedom of speech, movement and assembly in his own country. Where Jesus discouraged violence, Bush opposes gun control - an anti-violence measure. Where Jesus tolerated, and even welcomed, the company of social outcasts like the prostitute Mary Magdalen, Bush is a staunch family values man, sexually conservative and anti-abortion. Where Jesus healed the sick, Bush presides over one of the most unequal health services in the world, and does nothing about it. Where Jesus fed the hungry, Bush presides over a global economy that keeps millions in poverty and hunger throughout the developing world.
I could go on, but I really have to ask - exactly how much do the beliefs of 'Christians' like George W Bush, and thousands like him - echo the teachings of Jesus Christ? Not much, I'd say...
Nope. Nuh-uh. Gentle spiritually inclined pacifist? Friend to the socially excluded? Questioning the social order? Doesn't sound much like one of those rich, republican 'Christians' to me. Sounds more like...Well, like us, frankly. Us magicians. Hell, he even had long hair and wore robes, dude! How obvious does this comparison have to be?
And frankly, I'm sick of having one of my fellow magicians dragged through the mud because of this association of his name with right-wing ideology and war against poor brown people. It's defamation of character, that's what it is. Pure bloody slander. And, personally, I don't intend to stand for it any longer.
I propose that we, as magicians, launch a meme with the intent of alerting people to our campaign to free Jesus from his vile, archetypal bondage to these merchants of death. He's one of us, for God's sake! He's mates with Grant Morrison! He visited Grant when he was in hospital! And we're just gonna let him have his good name soiled by his association with a goddam criminal like George W Bush? I don't think so!
Thus, I solicit your opinions as to what form the proposed 'Magicians for Jesus' meme should take. Any suggestions are welcome: logo designs - the kitschier the better, campaigning tips, hell, even deeply disturbed theorybitching. I suggest that we launch the meme on or around January 6th, the feast day of the Epiphany, when, according to the Bible - George W Bush's alleged 'Holy Book' - the infant Christ was visited and acclaimed by the three Persian magi. Let's see how they object to this campaign when we tell them it's in their own bloody book, eh?
Thank you for your time, brothers and sisters. And if anyone knows Moby's phone number, y'know, give the fucker a ring, coz I figure we could get him interested. Y'know, bribe him with nut roasts if necessary. Cheers. |
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