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"I Wish I Could Walk Down The Street/Free Of Suggestion..."

02:07 / 03.09.01

This is a three parter:

Just recently, I was walking down the street, late at night on a dimly lit street, on my way downtown. As I was walking, I spied an attractive woman just exiting an apartment, walking parallel to me on the other end of the sidewalk. So far, all fine, well & good.

But as I got a few blocks down, I noticed that she fell at least a block behind me in stride. Considering the low visibility & the fact that she was walking alone down a quiet street, the feeling that immediatly overtook me was "Shit! She thinks I'm gonna attack her!"

So the first part is for the straight guys on the board. Any of y'all ever have something comparable happen to you? If so, how often? And if so, how does it affect you?

Secondly, for the women on the board, how often are you threatened by similar scenarios? Have any of you had a reason to be scared of walking alone at night? And how often does this concern you?

And most curiously (for me anyways), for the gay men on the board. In a similar situation, have you ever been considered a potential threat due solely to your gender? If so, how often does it happen & how does it affect you?

<posts quickly before I have a chance to re-think the post lest I paint myself into a corner>

02:17 / 03.09.01

There's a really good short film about this (altho I forget the title) where the guy comes out of the subway, with this woman in front of him, and they're both going exactly the same place, and he starts thinking that she thinks that he's following her, and then tries to tell her that and she thinks that...
Farce, basically.

02:58 / 03.09.01

Happens all the time. The first instance where I really noticed it was when I was in my mid-teens. I was out for my nightly walk, and I fell in behind this lady who practically started galloping ahead of me. It took awhile for it to sink in that she was frightened. At first I felt guilty and ashamed, then anger at having been made to feel that way, and all that other teenage, male, carrying the burden of my gender garbage.

Nowadays I'll divert from my route if I sense I'm making a fellow pedestrian feel uncomfortable, man or woman.

The Return Of Rothkoid

02:58 / 03.09.01

I notice this effect sometimes; hell, if there's an excessively pissed/gigantic bloke around, I'll occasionally do it myself... don't exactly know why, as I'm not tiny or timid, really. But I am aware, if walking somewhere at night, that some people are intimidated by a guy walking behind them. If that's the case, ocassionally I'll cross the road, but more often than not, I'll just walk past them, on the other side of the footpath. To be honest, I'm usually just lolloping along, not paying much attention, to anyone, but it's how the other person perceives your intent, not what you actually intend, that tends to be noted.

Whisky Priestess

02:58 / 03.09.01

If people look scary I'll cross the road to avoid encoutering them. Mostly blokes, but gaggles of girls get the treatment as well.

02:58 / 03.09.01

Definitely, many times.

Confession: I actually find it a bit offensive, though I can understand it.

The most effective means of dealing with the situation, I find, is to overtake giving a wide berth and then keep ahead, not slowing down. People feel more comfortable if they can see you ahead of them, rather than if you're "tailing" them.

quote:And most curiously (for me anyways), for the gay men on the board. In a similar situation, have you ever been considered a potential threat due solely to your gender? If so, how often does it happen & how does it affect you?

Interesting that you should make this distinction... the perception doesn't have anything to do with orientation, surely. I have been considered a potential threat due solely to my gender - it certainly wasn't due to anything else, except possibly my height, build and dodgy haircut (which are also orientation-neutral).

12:07 / 03.09.01

as a butch dyke i was in a situation once in the early hours of the morning where a woman was obviously afraid because i was walking behind her and i guess she thought i was a bloke. it made me feel bad but i totally knew where she was coming from so i gave her a very wide berth. i think any decent person should give others space in that situation: they can't tell if you're okay or not and can't afford to take a chance. i will usually cross the street at any time of day if i see a gang of men coming the other way. unless they're obviously gay!

12:20 / 04.09.01

Absolutely. It's a matter of common courtesy; you're unlikely to enter into a meaningful dialogue with some random stranger on the street and you should respect their personal space. As a young male I've been attacked enough times to be very wary while alone at night, I keep my distance from groups or other threatening individuals, I avoid conversation or eye contact in most cases and I keep my hands out my pockets and my legs primed to run. Any other person, male or female, who also exercises basic precautions around me at night deserves to be accorded mutual respect and not be made uncomfortable just because I've had my fucking pride hurt. They don't know you. You don't know them. If that changes; excellent. If it doesn't, at least let them make their own way home without being harassed by some loon with a guilt complex.

15:37 / 04.09.01

I generally try to walk ahead or act in a manner that seems to be all but threatening. It's interesting what vibe can do though.

How about on the other side of the coin. Does anyone..um..posture a bit when walking at night and alone. I figure, why give the victim or scared vibe out. I actually kick the walk up a bit and try to look a bit more of a bad idea to fuck with.

16:53 / 04.09.01

I've got my "night bus look" down... translates to "I've had a very long night, I'm probably on drugs and I've just split up with my girlfriend, leave me alone and I won't bother anyone, just don't fuck with me"

Comes of a long time spent in London I think. Most people on public transport seem to adopt a "leave me alone" expression, though, now I come to think of it, particularly in rush hour.

Mordant Carnival

19:10 / 04.09.01

Yeah... I do get intimidated sometimes. If I'm going into an underpass or some ginnel somewhere and there's a bloke hanging around, I'll use "Oops! I've forgotten something!" bodylangage (pat pockets, tut, that sort of thing) and double back.

I'm very aware that, looking the way I do, I can intimidate vulnerable ppl myself. If I see, say, an elderly person out late, I'll cross the road or do something else to defuse tension. Nobody likes to feel afraid.

Ronald Thomas Clontle

20:00 / 05.09.01

I can't say I blame any girl for being paranoid walking on the streets... their paranoia is justified by the high chance that their worst fears could be correct.

by the way, to be a stickler: "WHY CAN'T I walk down a street free of suggestion?"