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What do I do about the boy?

Tryphena Absent

00:18 / 05.12.02

Johnny O has reminded me that I too need some help. My situation is actually pretty much the opposite of his which is not nice.

So this morning I got woken up by my phone beeping at me (half-twelve in the afternoon naturally) and I found a message from a friend of mine lighting up the screen (and darkening my world). He wants to take me out for a drink, now this guy is a friend of my ex. He's OK but we have absolutely nothing in common and though we have been known to flirt a little I'm completely unattracted to him. Physically he's not my type, we have no conversation, he doesn't read or like the films I like and to be honest a lot of the time I don't like him.

I don't want to lead him on and luckily I have no phone credit so I haven't told him to fuck off. How can I be nice and firm at the same time or should I just ignore this entirely?

fluid_state

04:58 / 05.12.02

I kind of think you've answered your own question: nice and firm.
You could tell him to fuck off, but from what Ive gathered about you, it's not in keeping with your character to be mean and rude to a comparatively friendly stranger. Ditto not responding at all. Leave you feeling a little like a blunt instrument, they will. Do the Right Thing: call back, tell him you've got no time for it, and be Nice and Firm (at the expence of feeling Smooth). It's a little rough, but kinder on your heart in the long run. Good luck.

(or, the devil's advocate says, call him back and let him buy you a few drinks, and see what happens. Y'never know. Maybe it'll provide a much better rationale for not seeing him again... or not...)

What do you mean, I'm not much help?

Tezcatlipoca

07:04 / 05.12.02

um...I hate to point this out, but are you sure he's inviting you out with amorous intentions in mind? You certainly know the situation far better than I, but your post does rather read as though you've translated his "Fancy a drink?" as "Fancy a fuck?".

Assuming you're right, and I've no reason to doubt that you are, I agree completely with Solid State. Gentle but most definitely firm is the way to go, both of you will feel better about it in the long run. And don't ignore it in the hope it will go away, because it won't. If he is interested in you, what he's doing at this stage is looking for an answer, so make sure you give him the one you want.

illmatic

07:32 / 05.12.02

um...I hate to point this out, but are you sure he's inviting you out with amorous intentions in mind? You certainly know the situation far better than I, but your post does rather read as though you've translated his "Fancy a drink?" as "Fancy a fuck?".

Tex, I hate to do down my gender, but in my experience, it does mean exactly that. i mean, occasionally, I've asked young ladies out, with the hope that we'll be great platonic... urm, no I haven't actually.
Occasionally (frequently)I've got knocked back and ended up being Platonic friends but that's not been my intention at the start.

The Barbelith beast's always doing this stuff: "Hey, how do you know these people you ACTUALLY KNOW (and often quite well) are thinking/doing whatever you think they're thinking/doing?" Well, yeah, it 's a good idea to take a step back sometimes and reevaluate, but....

Much as I hate it when people assume sexual undertones vis a vis the runt and his female chums, I have to admit, in this instance Illmatic's probably on the money. If you don't want the saucy time, tell him "NO! NO SAUCY TIMES!"

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:06 / 05.12.02

If he's a good friend (and worth keeping as one) then nice but firm should be a doozy. If he doesn't wanna be your friend if you knock him back, then he's obviously not the nice guy you thought he was.

And yeah, you could be misreading his motives... but you could very easily NOT be misreading his motives. Cards on the table is always the best policy. Saves so much trouble later.

The Strobe

10:08 / 05.12.02

Or: just turn up wearing a t-shirt that has

NO! NO SAUCY TIMES!

written on it in 72-point Arial Black. Gets the point over nicely, I think (and is going into my useful-phrase-book as I speak).

ONLY NICE THINGS

11:39 / 05.12.02

Hang on, I'm fascinated now. Illmatic and Runce - have you really never suggested goign for a drink with a lady unless you wanted crotchy naughtings?

To the purpose - yeah. Assuming that

the

is not the order of the day, how about explaining that it would be too odd to go out with a friend of your ex, for you and your ex, and ultimately for him? If he persists, admit that under certain circumstances the risk would be worth taking, but in this case it isn't. Because he is an ug. With stupid hair.

Bear

11:46 / 05.12.02

Have you been at the sherry again?

Just try and treat the guy the same way you would want to be treated in the same situation, tell him no thanks. Unless of course he's rich then you should go out for a drink and steal his hat.

illmatic

13:01 / 05.12.02

Hauster: Looking at my earlier post, maybe I was talking through my hat (so my apologies to Tez if I sounded sarky). I have indeed asked ladies out, without the hope of saucy doodlings, but normally it’s been in the context of a growing friendship, probably brought about by change of circumstances – new work colleagues, finding out you live near friends of friends or whatever. If there isn’t something like this going on, I’d wonder what he’s playing at.

I wonder what he’d make of it if he knew that there were strangers up and down the country discussing his motivations?

Tryphena Absent

15:08 / 05.12.02

He got my number from a friend and then asked me if I wanted to go out for a drink via text message, if it was innocent I would have got a phone call or he would have waited until I was home in the pub.

Last night I made a list of 4 pro's and 21 con's, yikes, thanks for the advice my lovelies. I'm afraid that even if he wasn't worth keeping as a friend (and I'm not sure about that because he is a moody fuck and not in that attractive slightly insane way) I'd be stuck with him around. I get on really well with his best friend, incidentally they're both called Dan, who's a honey. I don't want to touch him either.

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