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Underground > Radio & Music >

BRILLIANTLY Bad Lyric Planet

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Regrettable Juvenilia

06:53 / 14.07.05

Indeed not. Think of the beards!

Regrettable Juvenilia

06:54 / 14.07.05

(I don't actually know if any of the Mars Volta have beards. But they should.)

11:34 / 14.07.05

I believe they might have some little goatees on the go... which is incredibly appropriate somehow.

They know in their hearts they're too crap to attempt PROPER beards.

In other news, I wish people would stop dredging up dodgy threads I started years ago and revealing my past idiocies.

That song was by THE SONICS, ferchrsitssake! How stupid must I have been to not know that?? I mean, I'm.. I'm cool, dammit! I knew that shit in the CRIB!

Stupid idea for a thread too, I hope it dies.

lord nuneaton savage

14:06 / 14.07.05

S'alright Riz D4 covered it.

Got your back, dude.

22:22 / 14.07.05

Fish heads, Fish heads
Roly poly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

In the morning
Laughing, happy
Fish Heads
In the evening
Floating in the soup

Fish heads, Fish heads, etc.

Barnes & Barnes
(Great video too)

19:03 / 15.07.05

Thankyou so much people - until reading this thread I had briefly strayed from the path of true metal people and forgotten all about the awe-inspiring lyical genius of Man-O-War...

We like it hard, we like it fast
We got the biggest amps, man they blast
True metal people wanna rock not pose
Wearin' jeans and leather, not cracker jack clothes

Hell yeah!

paranoidwriter waves hello

23:09 / 20.07.05

Just heard R Kelly's new release in the UK. Class, pure bad lyrical class!

I've got a lot of respect for the big guy, but that was more worthy of Lenny Henry. As I chuckled my way through the story-song, I half-suspected it was a joke, and when R-Kelly got out his Beretta in the closet I nearly had a fit. By the end, tears were rolling down my cheeks. Oh thank you Silly! I needed that.

21:57 / 25.07.05

An absolute howler from Queensryche's latest album:

Now youre the one that I want, you know its true.
Let go of everything, open up to me.
I'm right beside you, I'll be your watchful eye.

I send waves of devotion over you. You take it all in and give it back, give it back again.
You bring me to sacred ground, when I'm inside you.
You bring me to sacred ground.

Listening to it just hurts...

13:01 / 26.07.05

Brilliantly bad and full circle to brilliant, you've gotta love the Tap:

BIG BOTTOM

" The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or so I have read

My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo

Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?

I met her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean

My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah

Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?"

14:40 / 26.07.05

That ain't no garbage man baby, That's Slam Thunderhide...

Zodiac Mindwarp introduces his drummer to the ladiez on Tattooed Beat Messiah... before launching into

Your Feline Beauty Is Physical Proof That
Love Is Woman Baby, Love Is The Truth
Well I Ain't A Woman That's For Sure
I'll Say Anything To Get You On The Floor
You Look So Fine Pure And Good
I Wanna Throw You On The Ground Babe
And Cover You In Mud
Silver Tongued But I Ain't No Liar
Baby Baby Baby Set My Bed On Fire
I'm The Tattooed Beat Messiah
Baby Nobody Can Take You Higher
I'm The Reverb Saint I'm The King Of Flies
I Think You Guessed I Ain't Like Other Guys
Lay Down, Lie Back, Shut Up, Submit
Peel It Off Baby This Is It.
I Got A Six Shooting Schizo Psycho Rod
Kiss The Barrel Baby Meet Your God
Sparkle Dust At My Finger Tips
Gonna Burn Your Butt, Bruise Your Lips
I'm The Tattooed Beat Messiah
I Said Nobody Can Take You Higher
This Gun Never Waits This Gun Devestates
Crystal Clear I Got A Diamond Shot
Gonna Kill You Twice Baby I'm Red Hot
Lots Of Girls Tried They Lied And Died
Got To Close To The Starry Host
Grease Baby Dirt Trash Sex Appeal
Zip Fly Pop I Feel Too Real Kill
Me Tattooed Beat Messiah.

nearly put this in the glam punk thread- but how could this thread exist without the obligatory Zodiac Mindwarp reference, dumb, misogynistic how 'serious' a band were they? Real life spinal tap or tongue planted firmly in cheek i'm never quite sure, no matter how much post moderist back tracking we do, i seem to remember them as 'real' in 1987- but then 1 was only 13....

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

04:08 / 28.07.05

They actually were from space, you know.

I said you don't play poker with the Skull Spark Joker-
Don't play poker at all...

21:50 / 28.07.05

Hey, Mr Bolan deserves a mention in this!!!

'What's it like to be a loon? I liken it to a balloon'

Classic!!

'Slim lined sheik faced
Angel of the night
Riding like a cowboy
In the graveyard of the night
New York witch in the dungeon
Of the day
I'm trying to write my novel
But all you do is play'

Pure glittery gold i tell yer!!!

lord nuneaton savage

13:41 / 29.07.05

Hawkwind again;
"Space is deep and very endless..."

God, thanks fellas. Deep AND endless, y'say?

paranoidwriter waves hello

17:44 / 02.08.05

Just heard R Kelly's new release in the UK. Class, pure bad lyrical class!

My friend just (coincidentally) E-mailed me the following link as it seems she's been having endless giggles over this as well. I therefore thought I'd post it here to maybe try and cheer up the sad or the weary: www.r-kelly.com

Obviously, you REALLY should watch each chapter "video" to get the full effect. The next chapter is out soon (apparently), and I can't wait. Pure Guinness.

paranoidwriter waves hello

18:40 / 02.08.05

Oops! I posted that last post in a hurry and didn't notice there was a thread devoted to R-Kelly's R &B Opera. Apologies all round.

ONLY NICE THINGS

15:33 / 03.08.05

God, thanks fellas. Deep AND endless, y'say?

Not just endless, Lord Kevin. Very endless. Not just a bit endless, like most endless things.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

11:53 / 05.08.05

NO RUSH?

II. Temples of Syrinx

... "The massive grey walls of the Temples rise from the heart of every Federation city. I have always been awed by them, to think that every single facet of every life is regulated and directed from within! Our books, our music, our work and play are all looked after by the benevolent wisdom of the priests..."

We've taken care of everything
The words you hear, the songs you sing
The pictures that give pleasure to your eyes.
It's one for all and all for one
We work together, common sons
Never need to wonder how or why.

We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls.
We are the Priests, of the Temples of Syrinx
All the gifts of life are held within our walls.

Look around at this world we've made
Equality our stock in trade
Come and join the Brotherhood of Man
Oh, what a nice, contented world
Let the banners be unfurled
Hold the Red Star proudly high in hand.

We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls.
We are the Priests, of the Temples of Syrinx
All the gifts of life are held within our walls.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

11:58 / 05.08.05

Even better, some Mortiis:

Smell The Witch

It's been ten long years since I smelled the witch.
I don't think she will ever go away.
Do you think that's her lurking over there?
In that shadow that has been cast by me?

Can you smell the witch?
The witch is still alive.
Can you smell the witch?
I see her dead eyes.
I wanted you to go away.
Can you smell the witch?
The witch will never go away.

Does she hide in that old corner over there?
Are you dead when you are made of straw?
Is she still in that old house? The lonely old house.
Far away from everyone else. Her smell was stron up there.

The first time I saw you.
I smelt you more than I could see you.
The smell won't go away.
Is this how fear smells?
Does fear smell like a witch?
Come on smell the witch.

Can you smell the witch?
Sneaking up behind.
Can you smell the witch?
Can you feel the fear?
I want to go far away.
Can you smell the witch?
The witch will never go away.

23:21 / 06.08.05

Some people (i.e. Shania Twain) just need to learn that you don't need to rhyme every line:

It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way--
yeah, it just ain't been my day

Even my skin is acting weird
I wish that I could grow a beard
Then I could cover up my spots
not play connect the dots

Are Being Stolen By Bandits

23:29 / 09.08.05

As a new forum member, I'm slightly disappointed that no-one's posted any New Order here yet, what with Barney Sumner being a dyed-in-the-wool master of lyrics which deftly skirt the line between sublimity and ridiculousness.

There's the classic

"I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone"

or, from the new LP, and a new personal favourite brilliantly bad lyric:

"I feel your presence everywhere
In the corner, over there"

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:34 / 09.08.05

Or of course

The sea was very rough
It made me feel sick
But I like that kind of stuff
It beats arithmetic

02:27 / 10.08.05

You know, it's Rizla's suitname that's making me think it, but Donovan really wrote some brilliantly dumb lyrics, didn't he?

Another classic in the Donovan method of parallel construction is from Television's "Marquee Moon":

The Cadillac pulled out of the graveyard
Pulled up to me and they said "Get in"
Then the Cadillac pulled back into the graveyard
And me, I got out again

Sublime.

P. Horus Rhacoid

07:39 / 10.08.05

The New Order lyrics reminded me of this doozy by Neal Diamond:

I am, I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair.

Which, you know, makes perfect sense because CHAIRS DON'T HAVE EARS.

It's also way too easy to take shots at Vanilla Ice, but he distilled parallel construction down to its essence on his heartfelt ballad, "I Love You":

I love you...
'cause I love you.

I can't wait until I have the opportunity to take a girl out, treat her to a romantic evening at a nice restaurant with, like, candles and stuff, then head back to my place, dim the lights, build a roaring fire, and throw that sucker on the stereo. She'll melt, I know she will.

12:01 / 10.08.05

The logic/non-logic of that Vanilla Ice couplet puts me in mind of the Osmonds classic Love Me For A Reason (memorably covered by Boyzone):

Don't love me for fun, girl
Let me be the one, girl
Love Me For a Reason
Let the reason be love

I'm not punching you for fun, Ronan, I'm punching you for a reason. The reason is punching.

12:46 / 10.08.05

Ah yes, New Order. From Ian Curtis' bleakly poetic lyrics of doom and despair, to Every Little Count's heart-rending:

Every second counts
When I am with you
I think you are a pig
You should be in a zoo

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