OK, this here's a braindump - feel free to ask questions later.
Oh, and I could email/pm the text of a "weird florida" article I wrote a month or so ago... mostly serial killers and odd history snippets, really. I'll try to recapitulate all the interesting places to go right now.
Tampa. Not that interesting. Cigars and punk rock in Ybor City. There used to be a submarine moored in the Tampa River as a museum, but that may not be there any more.
However, you're within spitting distance of Gibsontown, aka Showtown, USA. Remember that X-Files episode with the Alligator Man, where Jim Rose played the Blockhead? That was set in a real place.
Here's the "Roadside America" page on it.
A little north, and you're near Crystal River, where you can snorkel with manatees. I've never done it myself, but it's supposed to be a blast.
From there, you could stab eastward to Bok Tower Gardens, which is a lovely combination of natural beauty and historical tourist trap. If you have a large budget and a formal wardrobe to match, spend a night or just a meal at Chalet Suzanne, one of the weirdest five-star restaurant/inns in the world. It's a short drive from Bok Tower, although if you're really classy, you'll land on the grass airstrip.
Proper attire required. Food outstanding.
Oh, and to balance Chalet Suzanne's classiness, you gotta head over to Lake Wales to experience Spook Hill. It's free, it'll take 15 minutes, and it's cheesy as hell... and I love it. That Indian spirit, he rolls your car right up the hill!!
If you're more in the mood for camping, you're near enough to Highland Hammock (eco-diversity, wild pigs) and Ocala National Forest: Juniper Springs Campground (pine woods, flying squirrels, gorgeous spring). Highland Hammock is also in Sebring, site of some famous auto races - marathon style.
In the same general area (southeast of Tampa, off the intersection of State Road 70 and US 27) is Venus, Florida. This is total boondocks, farm country, scarily remote-seeming (cell phones don't work) - but it's also home to The Venus Project. There's a thread in the Laboratory on them. Call or email Jacques or Roxanne, and they'll probably give a tour, if you're up to it. It's a bit of a drive, but if you're doing any traveling from Tampa to the east coast, or south on 27 for any reason, you can make it on your way.
A ways north of Venus off 27 is Inglis, the town where the mayor banned Satan, and Rosewood. Well, what remains of Rosewoond. James Singleton made a movie about it.
Rosewood and Inglis aren't really remarkable in and of themselves. They're on the way to Cedar Key, though, which is a nice, very old coastal destination. Not great beaches, but the old inn is nice - creaky, haunted, they'll tell you about how Jimmy Buffett and the guy who played Paladin stayed there. I wouldn't put it on a must-see list, though. They eat ice cream salads there.
(That page also mentions Dinosaur World and Plant City - if you're in the area in March, Plant City has a Strawberry Festival that's worth attending.
They race pigs there.)
Winter is strawberry season - buy 'em fresh by the side of the road, rinse and eat. Goooood.
OK, let's see. Heading south from Tampa, you run into Sarasota, where I went to college. The campus is built on the old Charles Ringling estate, of the Ringling Bros. Circus (thus, the proximity to Gibtown). It's right next to Ca d'Zan, lovely in its garishness, and the Ringling Art Museum. The art museum's David (apparently one of Michelangelo's practice runs at the monumental sculpture) is the reason why Sarasota police cars all had a naked man on the side when I lived there.
The beaches and barrier islands (Siesta Key, Longboat Key) are good, and so is the smoked fish.
Camping, hiking, or just poking around the swamp in the Myakka State Park is good, too. Not far from the park is where a woman snapped a photo of the Skunk Ape in her yard.
In the same general area (east of the main highway, towards Arcadia), is Solomon's Castle, a bed and breakfast made out of aluminum siding in the shape of a "medieval castle." The restaurant is a fake galleon in a moat. I've never been there, but am dying to go.
South of Sarasota, towards Naples (the wealthiest city in Florida, Palm Beach's flashy rep notwithstanding), you'll find Koreshan State Historical Site. It's here that the utopian community pioneered by Cyrus Teed forged a lifestyle based on free love, celibacy, and the fact that we lived inside the hollow sphere of the Earth. They did tests measuring the curvature.
The community broke up when Teed got in a brawl with Naples politicians, got punched in the stomach, died, and refused to return from the dead three days later.
So it goes.
From Naples, you want to skip the neighboring town of Immokalee (the poorest town in Florida, despite its proximity to Naples), and can cut across Alligator Alley to the huge, gorgeous Everglades National Park.
This is your place to see alligators. The main park boardwalk is nice - if you want to get more into the heart of the swamp, check out the Mahogany Hammock boardwalk, or rent a couple canoes and go down one of the trails. If it's crowded or something like that, you can get a taste by lingering near Immokalee and going into Corkscrew Swamp State Park or Big Cypress National Reserve.
You're also right next to Ochopee and Everglades City, home to Dave Shealy and numerous Shealy-related sightings. I've met Shealy and am divided in my opinion of him. He sure sees a *lot* of skunk ape.
At the other end of Alligator Alley, you're in Miami. It's about seven hours from Tampa driving straight out.
Miami is vast and rich in weirdness.
There's the Miami Circle in the very heart of the downtown area (a pre-Columbian stonehenge, sort of).
Winter is the heart of season, but if you can afford it, try to stay in South Beach. I used to live there and am more than willing to show y'all around. It's possible to get deals, but competition is harsh. You won't be able to afford Ocean Drive, where Cunanan shot Gianni Versace on his doorstep.
In the general Miami area, you've got the Church of Lucumi Babalu-Aye, who went to the Supreme Court to defend their right to sacrifice animals (and dead chickens routinely turn up on the steps of the Dade County Courthouse, which in January is home to circling flocks of black vultures.
If you're there, check out the library and museums at Government Center. In the past, they've had exhibits on orisha art there.
You've also got Coral Castle.
Do not, by any means, miss this. Featured on "In Search Of" and a couple music videos.
I mean, check it out - you've got the Tesla freaks, luckymojo hoodoo people, conspiracy nuts and UFO engineers all focusing on the feats of Ed Leedskalnin and his multi-ton blocks of stone.
On your way there, stop by Knauss Berry Farm and get a milkshake and a dozen cinammon rolls. Trust me on this. They're not actually Amish, but close enough for jazz, and there's more goodness in the strawberries, mangoes, and and and the cinnamon rolls... ah! than any lesser mortals could conjure.
If you want to go far, check out the Florida Keys, especially John Pennekamp Park, home of the Underwater Jesus (beware drifting cremation ashes).
The best fish restaurant in the Keys is just north of the park entrance on US-1 in Key Largo. I can't remember the name - it's pretty generic, like "The Fish House" or something.
Key West, although something like Florida's weird answer to San Francisco is a bit of a tourist hell in January. Avoid, unless en route to Fort Jefferson on the Dry Tortugas - there are no roads to the Dry Tortugas, so ferries and planes can be pricey.
OK, let's head north of Miami (some of the coolest, strangest Miami stuff is sort of off limits, like the former CIA headquarters at Opa Locka airport, or the Nixon's UFO deep freezes at Homestead - the ones he showed Jackie Gleason....)
Anyway, that's all inside the Bermuda Triangle. I live a little north of there.
There are some interesting places to see, yeah?
But not as interesting as places further north, like the Kennedy Space Center and Cassadaga, the psychic town. Those are both in the Orlando area. Kinda near Disney World.
There will be no links to Disney World in this post.
Orlando is also home to a few decent Vietnamese restaurants, and is not too far from a big, touristy surf shop that some people (my better half included) really get a kick out of. That's in Daytona. They used to race on the beach there. It's where Dale Earnhardt died and, possibly, came back as a goat. Well, OK, the goat is a little further north.
Closer to St. Augustine, the oldest city in America. It's where Ponce de Leon thought he found the Fountain of Youth (actually located in Bimini, a Bahamian island less than 60 miles off the coast of Palm Beach), and it's the famous former home of the Death Car Museum. (Oh how we miss you, Death Cars!)
Umm.
If you feel like going really far north in Florida, the Panhandle beaches (aka "the Redneck Riviera") consistently win awards. Cabins in the area can be affordable.
Things not to miss: downtown Apalachicola, the amazing John Gorrie State Museum (one room and a couple old dioramas commemorating the inventor of air conditioning - oozes David Lynchian charm), and the Indian Pass Raw Bar.
Words cannot suitably describe the Indian Pass Oyster Bar. The food is delicious, but they're not allowed to actually bring you drinks because legally, they're a convenience store. You get your own beer, soda, whatever out of big coolers in the bag. It is loud. Expect people singing along to the radio.
The oysters are amazing, though.
Highlight of my honeymoon, that place.
So - any questions? I've skipped a lot of stuff, I know I have. What kinds of things do you *want* to see/do/experience? |
