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Zoo keepers refuse to help sedated gorilla masturbate

12:39 / 18.11.02

From ananova.

Kibabu the gorilla's inability to produce children has become an embarrassing industrial issue for Taronga Zoo in Sydney.

The zoo management's proposal for an artificial insemination programme using manual stimulation of the sedated gorilla was vetoed by zookeepers.

A zookeeper told the The Age : "It was too bloody dangerous. What if he woke up?"

Taronga officials confirmed the masturbation programme was proposed last May, but said there had been no further attempt to employ it.

"I believe it's done in Europe," a spokesman told the paper. "There's been a lot of discussion on how to get semen from Kibabu for artificial insemination."

Instead, Kibabu, whose harem numbers five females, will probably be stimulated by an electrical device, a process called electro-ejaculation.

Kibabu's failure emerged as about 350 zoo staff planned to stop work to discuss workplace agreement issues, including wages, working hours, stress and job-related risks.

Story filed: 18:35 Wednesday 30th October 2002b

12:57 / 18.11.02

A zookeeper told the The Age : "It was too bloody dangerous. What if he woke up?"

... and liked it? Shudder.

"I believe it's done in Europe." Ah, those dissolute Europeans.

Seriously though, leave the ape alone. If they want him to mate properly, perhaps they should give him an environment more conducive to lurve.

13:34 / 18.11.02

Perhaps they should have just bunged it some porn. Playape, Shaved Chimpanzees, Monkeys Only. That kind of thing.

13:53 / 18.11.02

Probably better to put him on-line. Prehensile toes -- he could work the mouse with his foot.

Sorry.

14:03 / 18.11.02

What on earth do they mean, "helping" the gorilla to masturbate? I think the photo, with Kibabu lying back with his hands clasped behind his head, and looking to the middle distance shows that he has his own ideas about what would constitute "help."

18:06 / 18.11.02

One for the 'Ape rights' thread, perhaps?

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:28 / 18.11.02

Sweet Christmas....it takes long enough when you're drunk, but *sedated*? Would they organise shifts?

03:43 / 19.11.02

I dont blame them..Its not like the gorillas will return the favor.

06:24 / 19.11.02

Haven't these people actually read any Nancy Friday? It's ridiculously easy to masturbate a gorilla.

pointless and uncalled for

11:47 / 19.11.02

Have these people never heard of the phrase "monkey see, monkey do".

It's not going to be that difficult really, all you have to do is stick on some porn (Playboy Channel for the keepers, National Geographic TV for the ape) and teach it to play circle jerks.

11:49 / 19.11.02

Bad idea. If the monkey then learns to make sigils, we're looking at Planet of the Apes, this time next week...

pointless and uncalled for

11:52 / 19.11.02

Are you sure that isn't saying more about you than maybe should be revealed.

16:27 / 08.08.04

heh.
i love this thread!

18:14 / 08.08.04

Instead, Kibabu, whose harem numbers five females, will probably be stimulated by an electrical device, a process called electro-ejaculation.

"Nah mate, I'm not going in there to give 'im a hand job...what if he wakes up?"
"OK then, take this sparking electrical thing that's probably a modified cattle prod. I'm sure he won't mind you comin' at 'im with that."

19:26 / 08.08.04

Does anyone know where one can purchase one of these electrical devices, and does it have a male counterpart?

I mean, shouldn't those 5 females be given their own sex toys or is their sexuality being repressed hy the establishment?

Damn, sex toys for gorillas. This debauchery has no bounds.

23:30 / 08.08.04

i blame max mon amour.

23:32 / 08.08.04

oh, and manhunt.
obviously.

05:49 / 09.08.04

"What if he wakes up?"
Damn, that's like the reverse of Jay's rant in the Jay and Silent Bob comic where he's getting paranoid about waking up to find the orangutang is going down on him, but it's too late and BAM, he blows in the monkey's mouth.

Haha. No spanking the monkey.

Actually, I've seen that electro-ejaculation-doodah being used on a panda, and it looks like it'd fucking HURT. They stick this plastic suction cup thing over the panda's wang, a bit like a milking machine, then they hit the juice and ZZZZZTTTT!!! panda love gravy. You'd want to be fucking sedated for it.

08:22 / 09.08.04

can't we just send in the gorillia porn tapes again?

08:33 / 09.08.04

Playmate of the Apes, anyone?

20:50 / 09.08.04

Or perhaps he needs a boy gorilla to get him in the mood?

21:01 / 09.08.04

Gorillas in the Fist. Or not.

11:05 / 10.08.04

According to the Taronga Zoo's website Kibabu fathered 2 offspring last year. The Zoo's director says this "represents an outstanding success for our keepers who have developed a wonderful relationship with Kibabu and his family to ensure the best results from the breeding program."

21:00 / 11.08.04

So the zookeeper doesn't mind the masturbating-the-gorilla part. That part is ok. It's the possible danger of it waking that's a problem. If you're cool with masturbating him, how about just fellating him?