Barbelith Underground > Conversation > So How's Your Year Been?

A year and a day ago, I hit a friend of mine. Needless to say, she wasn't very happy.

Now, that may sound like me being dramatic and all, but it's a very good point to kick off 'a year' from. Since then, I've been up and down in mood like a yoyo. The best bits have been absolutely superb. The worst bits have been entirely dreadful. I've enjoyed my work, and now enjoy it but have no drive, and am depressed by this. I managed to get a dissertation done that I was really proud of, and have it shat on by examiners. I've written articles for the student paper, met loads of great people through that and seen some cool stuff, and now I've edited a section I've really cared about. I've managed to crank out an entire album of music for adverts, but I'm proud because, well, I kind of like it, and it's a real acheivment for the kid who when he was fifteen realised that music in any form was a love, and maybe this electronic stuff sounded cool. I spent odd hours in the summer hunched over the sampler, and now have a finished CD, an hour long, to show people for it. Makes me proud, anyhow.

I've made loads of new friends that I never thought I would. I've been to awesome parties in the summer with said friends. I've confirmed other friendships beyond doubt. I've read more and more of this place (probably to the detriment of my reading speed- skimming agogo - and my life), got more out of it, met more and more of "you". I've grown up yet more. I've lost a friendship, and lost trust, and lost some trust in myself. And I've had to work to get that back; on my own, in counselling, with my friends. And now? I'm scared of my work and my degree being shit, I'm scare I'll fail, but I know I've got so much good stuff I can do and so many good friends that it might just all be alright.

So yeah. I've been up, down, and around. And it's all progress forward, never back, though it mightn't seem like it at the time. In eight months, I'll be Paleface BA (some classification, hopefully a decent one), and that thought scares me a little. I'm still not entirely level, I still go up and down a lot, and sometimes, it's really down. But I'm learning to live with myself a lot better. And am looking forward to the next year. I think it might all be pretty good. (And if you ask me a year down the line, I have NO FUCKING IDEA what I'd say. It's all that unpredictable, now).