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Dear Morvern,
So I've gone and topped myself. Sorry love. Did it in a particularly bloody way, too: cut my throat and at least one wrist for good measure. Blood all over the kitchen and my corpse lying face down in the doorway to the living room, and this right around Christmas as well. Still, on the bright side, my presents to you this year include a nice jacket, a cigarette lighter and a tape full of doomy, druggy space-rock, glitchy but pumping beats and 'Some Velvet Morning' (the original version, not the Primal Scream version, although I bet Primal Scream would like this film). Oh, and that 'I'm Sticking With You' song that will never seem the same again after people have watched you dismember my body in the bathtub whilst wearing little other than some sunglasses that make you look a bit like Peaches.
As a bonus, my bank account is full of money for the funeral, but since you know the pin number, why not use the money to take you and your best mate Lanna (who by the way, I slept with) on holiday to Ibiza? It won't be much of an improvement though - just the same bleak, banal, stupidly British debauchery in a slightly sunnier setting - so I'd also suggest touring the Spanish countryside (Lanna won't like that though so you might have to abandon her on a deserted lane). While you're at it, why not put take the novel I wrote and wanted to be known for posthumously, and submit it to the publishers under your own name? I do seem to have been a bit of a git, really, unfaithful in life and self-important in death, and I did say "I wrote it for you". I'm sure several viewers will have difficulty in thinking there was much wrong with what you did - after all, tghis story is really all about grief, and is it any stranger to cut up your dead lover and bury him secretly than it is to dress him in a suit and put him in a box before you put him in the ground? Plus, you're strange in an oddly likable way, and played by Samantha 'Spooky' Morton - I'm sure people will forgive you...
All my love, anyway.
James Gillespie*
*Do you see, I even share a surname with Bobby Gillespie! This is the the most Scottish movie ever! |
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