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Giant spiders as pets

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Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

21:31 / 09.11.02

I know several people who have spiders as pets, and I'm talkin' huge spiders, spiders big enough to have jobs at steel mills. Spiders so big they appear to be wearing pelts of smaller animals. As pets. No doubt some people on Barbelith suffer from this particular form of insanity, even.

I have to ask you: why? What the fuck are you thinking? Scorpions I can imagine, dangerous or poisinous snakes can be fun, but giant spiders? Where is the fun factor in this equation? What possible value is there in owning a spider so big it intimidates your dog? There is no way these things can be thought of as cute or cuddly. They have eight fuckin' eyes, for christ's sake.

Maybe I just have unresolved personal issues with spiders. To me, whenever I look at one they seem to be saying "yeah? What the fuck are you looking at? I got twice as many limbs as you, and four times as many eyes. Fuck you and your biped lifestyle. I'm keeping it real."

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:45 / 09.11.02

Intimidating, yeah, but all you've got to do to fuck up a giant spider is drop it on the floor. They've got these shells on them like a crab under all that hair, and if you drop them they break. And die.

I suppose it's less of a companion than a conversation piece, really. And I could watch an ordinary spider for ages; a big spider would be all the fun without the eye-strain.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

22:50 / 09.11.02

And I could watch an ordinary spider for ages; a big spider would be all the fun without the eye-strain.

This I can understand, I suppose. I've got plenty of spiders in my basement (which is where I sleep, actually...) and sometimes I'll catch myself just watching them walk around. They go so slow sometimes. I wonder why, because let me tell you, brother, those fuckers can motor when they feel like it.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

05:23 / 10.11.02

Mordant- cheers for the tip on fucking up giant spiders. Only thing is, in order to drop them on the floor, first you've gotta pick 'em up, and I am SO not EVER gonna do that.

Just the thought is making me all shivery, and not in a nice way.

I'm bailing out of this thread now on the grounds of wussiness.

Warewullf

10:34 / 10.11.02

It's just not right.

And cheers, Johnny, for that post. Fuckin' hilarious!

Tryphena Absent

12:05 / 10.11.02

My dad used to have a house-spider called Bertrand. He fed it dead flies and it lived on the ceiling of the bathroom. It had very very long spindly legs and a big fat body and it really really liked flies.

Mourne Kransky

12:30 / 10.11.02

Spidermongers have generally been subject in early youth to the story of Charlotte and her tragic Web. There are probably some who also keep a pig. Welling up here just thinking about it...

We had unbelievably giant spiders all over the garden in the Willesden flat. Hours of innocent pleasure for Ganesh, tricking them into thinking they'd caught bits of KFC in their webs etc. Gave me the willies though as they sat there planning global domination and firing out spider silk in all directions. Good job they only last one Summer.

Baz Auckland

13:35 / 10.11.02

My brother used to have a tarantula. I thought it was creepy until I saw it nuzzling up to him as he scratched its head. Cute, really.

illmatic

07:01 / 11.11.02

Johnny
You know when those spiders walk pat you slowly? Perhaps they're kind of cruising you? Kinda "Hey, look at my sexy eight legs"?

Or sizing you for dinner.

deja_vroom

09:38 / 11.11.02

Johnny: I hate spiders, too. The bigger and furrier they are, the worse. And the thing with the eight eyes... Totally agree. I mean, WHY? WHY EIGHT EYES?? WHO NEEDS EIGHT EYES, FOR GOD'S SAKE???

Persephone

12:02 / 11.11.02

Husb took this picture of the spider that lived on our roof...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

12:18 / 11.11.02

I SO didn't need to see that.

(Yeah, I know, I said I was backing out of the thread due to phobias and stuff, but I couldn't resist that one last look...)

Diplomatically, I'll add- I guess if you're into spiders that's probably a fairly cool one.

BBBRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrRRRRR!

Helmschmied

18:16 / 11.11.02

I miss having a tarantula. Some of them are really quite beautiful. I found it really relaxing to sit and pet my giant spider. Mine never bit once, and I handled it every day, they really can make good pets. Watching them eat is fun too :-)

that

19:10 / 11.11.02

I think spiders are cute. I'd have a pet tarantula, but I'm not sure how it would get on with my two Border Terriers.

Mourne Kransky

20:34 / 11.11.02

Persephone, you are a secret sadist. That is truly disturbing. I could almost hear it mouth the words "World Conquest... Sarf London next..."

Morlock - groupie for hire

12:40 / 12.11.02

Sarf London next? I remember watching a little spider watching me for five minutes or so last summer. I mean, this is supposed to be a non-sentient critter, and there's no way it could've confused me with a fly. Colour me worried.

I'm gonna petition Nike to make spider sized shoes. I mean, we can't get away, and maybe they're too smart to get all fetishy about them like some of us humans, but at least we can get a head start while they tie the laces...

jUne, a sunshiny month

13:16 / 12.11.02

Bertrand ?

now that's cool. if i was a giant spider, the first one who call me "dick" and i come to put him my giant sting or tooth or whatever...
but "bertrand", wow, that's nice.

deja_vroom

13:19 / 12.11.02

I don't want this thread to die. It's scary and funny at the same time. Now all I need is someone starting another thread on sharks, and my day will be complete, since... what? what was that noise? GAAH!

Colour me brown.

Mourne Kransky

16:51 / 12.11.02

Happily nostlagic for me this thread since I seem to recall, with the nom de 'Lith of Brown Recluse, that (one of) the first barbethreads on which I delurked and posted was debating whether or not God was a spider. I think the eventual conclusion was that Lucifer was a spider and God was a Praying Mantis. ^^0^^

deja_vroom

16:57 / 12.11.02

You know, right now the concept of God as a spider is strangely fitting. Ze definitely has a spidery sense of humour.

Persephone

16:59 / 12.11.02

You were the brown recluse? How funny. I loved her little spider gizmos, do you just make them up on the keyboard?

I should Photoshop in a tiny fried chicken leg for my spider to be munching on...

Kit-Cat Club

18:36 / 12.11.02

I'm gonna petition Nike to make spider sized shoes. I mean, we can't get away, and maybe they're too smart to get all fetishy about them like some of us humans, but at least we can get a head start while they tie the laces...

This reminded me of a terrible story I wrote at school when I was about seven - it was about a large spider called Wellington which wore a long purple scarf and eight purple wellington boots. Wellington was Father Christmas's helper. Don't ask me why.

tom-karika nukes it from orbit

07:29 / 13.11.02

I once knew a guy who had one of these:

The guy had fangs.

deja_vroom

09:48 / 13.11.02

Holy fuck... now this one has *horns* in it's bum. Horns. These things are monsters, I tell you.

Morlock - groupie for hire

13:16 / 13.11.02

Worst case of piles I've ever seen.

KCC:This reminded me of a terrible story I wrote at school when I was about seven

sound of ego deflating. again.

Baz Auckland

15:38 / 13.11.02

This reminded me of a terrible story I wrote at school when I was about seven - it was about a large spider called Wellington which wore a long purple scarf and eight purple wellington boots. Wellington was Father Christmas's helper. Don't ask me why.

That sounds wicked...

videodrome

16:44 / 13.11.02

Ah, but far worse is the Vinegaroon, which we used to have in Texas. These things smell bad, to boot - hence the name...

grant

17:02 / 13.11.02

I had a pet one of those once. Didn't smell *that* bad, even when it was "defending."

deja_vroom

17:06 / 13.11.02

grant... why???

grant

17:11 / 13.11.02

It was small and cute.

Cat Chant

19:08 / 13.11.02

< covers eyes and runs away shrieking in that sort-of-pleasurable, sort-of-for-real way little kids do when you pretend to be a monster and chase them >

PS: spiders are against every law of God and man

Ganesh

20:43 / 13.11.02

I quite like spiders - the big, hairy, rather sluggish ones, anyway. The ones I don't like are the long, sleek, dinner-plate ones you see abroad, the ones that spin enormous fuck-off webs between telegraph poles and can move really really fast.

Spiders, however, are incredibly benign compared to the horror that is the cockroach. Spiders, at least, are usually sensible enough to run away from human-sized aggressors, or roll up and play dead. Cockroaches scuttle (or *shudder* fly) at you...

Spiders, as every good Freudian knows, symbolise one's mother...

grant

21:32 / 13.11.02

Ganesh: avoid Florida like the plague.
We're home to cockroaches large enough to move dinnerplates. One species, the Asian roach, flies, is attracted to light, and has been known to nest in sleeping people's sinus passages.
Cockroaches are a good reason to keep lots of spiders and lizards and small snakes around your house.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

02:31 / 14.11.02

Good lord, Florida has a roach problem. I hear that the exterminators don't even bother trying to kill the fuckers anymore. They just sedate them enough so that they'll let you back in your house.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

06:18 / 14.11.02

I just can't leave this thread alone, and it's scaring me.

Deva's right- spiders are AGAINST GOD. They're just... wrong.

(And no, I don't have any kind of logical argument to back that up, especially considering my views on all other forms of animal, but I guess that's why phobias are "irrational" fears, isn't it? God damn, why can't I be like my friend Jim, who has a phobia of werewolves. Cos you NEVER find them in your bath. Probably much less socially crippling.)

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