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Best. Spam. Ever.

 
 
videodrome
17:59 / 04.11.02
Almost posted this in the Donnie Darko thread...

The subject line was "Bob", the message as follows:

Hello,
If you are a Time Traveler I am going to need the following:

1. A modified mind warping Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist
watch with memory adapter.

2. Reliable carbon based, or silicon based time transducing capacitor.

I need a reliable source!! Please only reply if you are reliable. Send a
(SEPARATE) email to me at:Tomnwrr@aol.com

videoczarvideochatqYbKNwIYeCPg

Untenstehend sehen Sie das Ergebnis Ihres Kontaktformulares. Es wurde
abgeschickt von
(jack.innes@erols.com) am Sunday, November 3, 2002 at 16:53:29
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

zGdLPFJamd5174: l IyK iEnLgOc Z

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
21:07 / 04.11.02
I bet he's time-travelling to find out about getting his penis enlarged in Nigeria.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:12 / 04.11.02
You know, a time traveller with a big cock...

He could make $$$$$$$ fast. Expecially if he had some herbal viagra. Or legal human growth hormone.

But how could he get his cock to be that big? You'd probably need an exclusive video of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee...
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
21:16 / 04.11.02
That you could show to those married - yet horny - women who are just waiting for you to call.
 
 
Linus Dunce
23:09 / 04.11.02
AOL and Microsoft have just merged with the Sun. They will send you $3000000000000000.00 for each address you forward this

!!!!!!!!!!VIRUS WARNING!!!!!!!!!! to:

WARNING, YOUR HUGE COCK MAY BE INFECTED.

Honestly, this comes from my friend who works in the computer department at Piggly-Wigglys. He knows what he's talking about. Just follw his instructions below to get rid of this virus. I tell you, this one's REALLY nasty, worse than Kylie.

1. Go to the start menu.
2. Select Find
3. Search for "command.com" ...
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
23:19 / 04.11.02
Hello sir! I would like to extend to you the offer of rug purchase from Uzbekistan! We are long-established and can meet your flooring needs. SEND NO MONEY!!!
 
 
videodrome
04:37 / 05.11.02
SO I replied to the AOL addy in the original post, saying that I thought I had the items in question, one of which had been recently repaired but was in good working order. I offered photographic evidence if necessary.

Just got this back:
----------------------------
Hello,

If you are serious on doing business please provide a phone # I may reach you at and the best time to call.

Thanks
------------------------------

What do I do now? Besides *not* give a number...
 
 
William Sack
06:34 / 05.11.02
You could try this sort of approach.
 
 
Linus Dunce
11:06 / 05.11.02
Or ...

"I'm going on holiday for a couple of weeks -- you can get me on this number: 1-212F-076G21776E. If you want to save a few pennies on the call, set your video to slow-scan. Best time to call is around lunchtime (global standard time), January 17, 2035."
 
 
Pingle!Pop
16:23 / 18.04.08
This is audacious:

From: MOTHER THERESA. [Capitals not mine]
Subject: PLEASE USE THE MONEY AS DIRECTED. [Capitals again not mine]

If you really, really want people's money, why not go all out and pretend to be Mother Theresa? What kind of evil heartless person would not help her out by accepting the sum of ten million three hundred thousand dollars?

... Or maybe Zombie Mother Theresa *is* in fact emailing me, and Gmail thinks her "Calvary greetings in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ" are so bothersome they should just be plonked straight in the spambucket?
 
 
Mistoffelees
16:51 / 18.04.08
I imagegoogled "zombie MOTHER THERESA", and voilà, someone already worked with that idea to milk its lucrativeness.

 
 
Pingle!Pop
17:44 / 18.04.08
Wait, that's Frankenstein's MOTHER THERESA. monster, surely? It could be Frankenstein's zombie MOTHER THERESA. monster.
 
 
Feverfew
17:53 / 18.04.08
Would that mean that that it was a Mother Theresa constructed of other Mother Theresas, then animated, then killed, then re-animated as a zombie? Seems like a lot of work for the self-respecting nun necromancer.
 
 
Pingle!Pop
18:52 / 18.04.08
She mentioned the Ogoni crisis in her email. I suspect there may be plenty of MOTHER THERESA.s in Nigeria, many of them with surprising wealth to put towards spreading the word of zombie Jesus.
 
 
Mistoffelees
18:54 / 18.04.08
If only one out of hundred answers and falls for your spam mail, being a Reanimator is lucrative business.
 
 
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23:02 / 20.04.08
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I just don't know whether to laugh or cry at this spam. It's hilarious, but so frustrating. I mean, really..."normal people"?
 
  
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