Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

Buying Porn (for your Parents)

Rollo Kim, on location

12:50 / 27.10.02

Just when you think life can't get any more undignified, your Dad inexplicably tricks you into buying him porn, an 'erotic' movie to be more precise. One minute you're in Blockbusters laughing at 'K Sex' and 'the Blair Sex Project', 'Shaving Ryan's Privates' or whatever, thinking 'wow, do people really rent this stuff', then you're buying one... cause Daddio's slipt it in (aherm) between 'Million Dollar Hotel' and 'A.I.'... "Get us this will you old son..."

So I'm next in line to pay when I look at the title and it's something like 'Buxom Blondes have more fun III'... figuring the least I can do is put it at the top of the pile. The girl at the counter, clocking the porn, and my miserable expression: "Is this yours?" Me: "Don't ask."

Now I'm not a prude but come on... I don't know whether to laugh or what...

Just needed to share...

Goodness Gracious Meme

12:55 / 27.10.02

yowsh.

Rollo Kim, on location

16:25 / 27.10.02

Yeah. Bare in mind I'm only seven years old as well. I mean... At least it wasn't my money...

"Oh the humanity..."

16:32 / 27.10.02

Grim. Though if you're seven, it's unlikely he'll invite you round, throw you a can and insist you watch it together. Unless he's planning to use it as an illustration of "the birds and the bees."

Shudder.

Rollo Kim, on location

17:46 / 27.10.02

Yeah, shudder. It's hard enough facing them at the best of times. Now this. If I wasn't so hungover I'd turn to drink (in a beaker, naturally).

19:09 / 27.10.02

on the bright side, your pops didn't ask you to pick up Harry Squatter and the Sorcerer's Bone (actually, i don't think that's on video yet).

Rollo Kim, on location

19:27 / 27.10.02

Harry Squatter? From the people 'what brung you' Clockwork Orgy? Joan of Ass? Schindler's Tits? (that last one's not even funny.)

Weird.

"You're special branch aren't you?"

19:57 / 27.10.02

I know a bloke. Who knows a bloke. Who knows a bloke.

*snigger*

Now, you know this bloke. This is a bloke you know.

He recommended Missionary: Impossible, (s)Cream, Semen Street, Scientol-Orgy, When Furry Met Fanny, The Madress and it's sequels (Reloaded and Unplugged).

Rollo Kim, on location

22:55 / 27.10.02

(s)cream! LOL. But Semen Street?

Muffy... Planet of the Mates... Million Dollar Hotty, Blake's Semen... the Mat(e-t)rix? Star Wars The Phantom Penis... Attack of the Clits...

08:28 / 28.10.02

I think that's really funny. Props to your dad! I'ts good to know they can still embarrass us even at our mature ages (I'm now 8 and 3/4's)

When I saw the thread title I thought YOU had decided to buy the porn in some hideous cross-genaration bonding exercise. Relieved to know that this was not the case!

Rollo Kim, on location

09:28 / 28.10.02

LOL. Yeah - it'll all fit in nicely with my blog as soon as I recover from it. And you are never too old to be humiliated by a member of your own family! It's just not something that I could have possibly prepared myself for...

10:20 / 28.10.02

Why not buy him some for Xmas? Nice brown paper envelope under the Tree. Addressed to him and yer mother with a note saying "Hope this gets you both in the mood for mistletoe, wink, wink".

It beats a new pair of socks.

My dad taught me about the birds and the bees. Bastard. My groin was sore for months after that incident in the apiary.

16:27 / 28.10.02

Do the révolution make ur Own porn with good friend and send it to Csa (csa is a french institution who want fobiden the porn in france for the security of our children)

19:25 / 28.10.02

It beats a new pair of socks.

Mmm. But if u bought him porn and socks, it would make one happy pappy. Maybe he can use them in conjunction with one another

19:32 / 28.10.02

That's just horrible, Utopia.

Wrecks City-Zen

20:27 / 28.10.02

My all time Favorite...

THE PENETRATOR - "I'll come again..."

00:42 / 29.10.02

Utopia> That's ridiculous! How is he supposed to play the pornographic video with a sock pulled over the top of it?

Yes, those porno movies that wittily base (and I mean <>b>base)their titles on mainstream movies. Hilarious examples include Gone with The Wind, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Platoon...

Oh. Hang on.

Rollo Kim, on location

12:34 / 29.10.02

What about respectable films based on the plot-lines of porn films?

jUne, a sunshiny month

12:48 / 29.10.02

TOP FIVE STUPIDEST PORN TITLES THAT MAKE ME LAUGH TO DEATH TODAY, thanks to you guys...

1. Missionary: Impossible
2. Harry Squatter and the Sorcerer's Bone
3. Planet of the Mates
4. Schindler's Tits
5. Joan of Ass
5. (bis) When Furry Met Fanny

more, more !!!

15:11 / 29.10.02

SOME MORE TITLES:

Schindlers Fist
Apocalypse Climax
The Bare Witch Project
The Erotic Witch Project 2: The Book of Shagging
K-Sex: Lesbians From a different planet
Playmate of the Apes
Sexscape: Lesbians from beyond
Who wants to be an erotic billionaire

15:21 / 29.10.02

Saving Ryan's Privates

22:56 / 29.10.02

Edward Penishands. The scene with him eating spaghetti is priceless.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

06:58 / 30.10.02

Grant- isn't is SHAVING Ryan's Privates?

The Bare Tits Project.

And apparently, someone is enough of a genius to have come up with:

"THE LOIN KING".

Give that man a Nobel prize.

07:39 / 30.10.02

Harry Squatter and the Sorcerer's Bone? That must be the American release - it's Harry Squatter and the Pornographer's Bone in the UK. Loin King - genius indeed. Probably from the makers of The Englishman who Blew Phil and Came Like a Fountain.

07:43 / 30.10.02

Playmate of the Apes

You forgot to include its hilarious tagline: Show us your primates.

08:03 / 30.10.02

The Filth Element?

Rubber-Cop?

Citizen Kame?

14:21 / 30.10.02

The 6th Orifice?

14:23 / 30.10.02

White men can't hump - that one's real, honest.

14:37 / 30.10.02

I'd like to see a porn section of Amazon started up.

- A star-rating system based on volume of jizz produceable per film. Possibly utilising tissues instead of stars.
- "Customers who bought Red Hard-on also bought: Spunkship Troop Whores" functionality.
- "Porn > 80s German > Badly decorated Saunas> Mullets/Blond Highlights" breakdowns by genre.