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Wondrous treasures to own and delight in

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

05:21 / 27.10.02

Inspired by the "bio attack warning" thread, in creation-

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

05:22 / 27.10.02

AAARRGGG!!! Link didn't work. Here's the addy, anyway:

http://www.brooksandbentley.com

My favourite's the cat biscuit tin.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

08:17 / 27.10.02

I was more taken with the glory that is the Hopes & Dreams Diamond Pendant.
Apparently it's "Exquisitely hand-crafted in the finest nine carat white gold, this breathtaking new delight features three of these charming 'lucky rings' representing life's most treasured hopes and dreams of health, wealth and happiness, all lovingly created in the finest yellow, rose and white coloured gold. Then elevating this sumptuous new design to glorious new heights, each mesmerising new pendant is set with the priceless beauty of a sparkling white diamond - the most precious and desirable gemstone in all the world."

Which makes me wonder-- how come it looks so much like the crap I wa bagging up for Debenhams this summer?

10:00 / 27.10.02

The Undersea Paradise Dolphin Vase

"The elegant grace of dolphins — the surging magnificence of the ocean ... A true masterpiece of infinite and vivid beauty, each vase will bring an exquisite and harmonious nirvana of colour and motion into your home."

My basket is empty, but it's only a matter of time ...

10:13 / 27.10.02

Nothing says "Genteel Footy Fan" like the:

Gent's Champion's Watch

A remarkable fusion of style and craftsmanship this dramatic new masterpiece features the world famous image of a football brought to life in gleaming golden tones and magnificently set upon a striking white square dial within a richly gold plated case. Each illustrious design is finished with a genuine tan leather watchstrap and a precision quartz movement for accurate timekeeping. The result is the definitive timepiece for the man whose passion for the sport is legendary.

It also comes with a certificate of authenticity, though I can't imagine what for...

10:20 / 27.10.02

Noooooooooooooooooo.....

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:28 / 27.10.02

Hah! I was just about to (having just got back from work) post a Franklin Mint link... But I hadn't even SEEN the Hendrix one!!!

"feel the sensual joy Hendrix gave and received through his magical guitar...thrill to the '60s with the look and feel that defined an age of innovation. "

They do some lovely Diana plates, though. One of which (I think it's Franklin... I got a bit carried away searching for tacky shit after the initial one...) is Princess Di AND Mother Teresa! FANFUCKINGTASTIC!!!

And there's another one entitled "Diana- Queen of compassion"...

Frightening thought is, though... if HP Lovecraft were alive today, writing copy for these fuckers would be his meat and drink (and I have to say, I'm tempted to find out how you get into that line of work myself... wouldn't that be ace?)... you just have to love adjectives, but not love them so much that you couldn't stand by and watch them horribly misused...

...hmmm... Lovecraft doing Franklin Mint ads? Has potential, maybe.

09:18 / 28.10.02

"The loathso..I mean, er, elegant beauty inspired by the dark gulfs between the.. no, hang on, I mean the murky.. NO!, crystal pure waters of the Atlantic, these majestic creatures of the ocean writhe like the mindless elder gods to the blasphemous piping of the.. oh confound it, can I start again?"

"Howard, you're fired."

The Return Of Rothkoid

10:58 / 28.10.02

Franklin Mint (and associated purveyors of shitbox gear to those who'll part with the readies) is possibly the best thing ever. It's like The Sharper Image - but with pretentions of style!

And the best Franklin Mint thing ever? Possibly Jesus Being Teleported To Heaven For Mardi Gras, I'd say. A snip at a mere four hundred bucks.

The Apple-Picker

11:50 / 28.10.02

I would kindly ask that you all refrain from abusing my grandmother's exquisite sense of style... that has been hand-crafted by artisans from exotic countries and drenched in genuine 18k gold plate.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:23 / 28.10.02

You lot think you hate crappy little statuettes and sideways heart pendants? You think you hate them? Oh, no. No, what you feel is a twinge of distain.

See the crappy little sideways heart pendant I linked to before? Do you see it? Do you? Now imagine spending all day threading crappy little heart-shaped pendants onto chains. Imagine five thousand of them, all waiting for you to thread them.

Close your eyes and picture them all.

Some of them have twinkly diamante detailing.

They are exclusive to Debenhams.

This is your job.

Enjoy.

22:59 / 28.10.02

RE: The Jesus Thing.

Is it now customary to follw "Jesus" with "The Savior"? The subtitle seems a bit ridiculous, don't you think (though, to many of us, Jesus himself seems a bit ridiculous, huh?)

Coming to theatres near you, Summer 2003:
DAREDEVIL:The Man Without Fear!
T3: Rise of the Machines!
and, presented in the IMAX experience...
JESUS: THE SAVIOR!!!

I'm sorry, continue with your regularly sceduled thread.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:18 / 28.10.02

Hate? Twinge of disdain?

You "misunderestimate" me, Mordant.

I LOVE this shit.

Rothkoid, that's the best yet.

And I quote:

"The magnificent figure of Christ appears to float above its intricately carved cloud-like base. His face is radiant, reflecting His triumph. The graceful cherubim meticulously hand-painted with accents of 24 karat gold. Christ's majestic halo shines with a lavish coating of 24 karat gold...the spectacular cloud-inspired base shimmers with golden highlights...and the wings of the cherubim glitter with the richness of 24 karat gold."

What's not to like? Nay, LOVE.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:20 / 28.10.02

By the way, the word "dolphin" is hereby BANNED... it shall be replaced with "oh so playful monarch of the sea".

Whisky Priestess

15:12 / 29.10.02

You are all rank amateurs of tat, I'm afraid to say ... I give you the following and urge you to crack open your chequebooks in worship:

http://www.viz.co.uk/hairloom/hairloom.htm

see, they used to put these things in between the cartoons in Viz as a hilarious pisstake of the Franklin Mint style of Sunday-supplement crudvertisements ... but then peopl3e started to write in to the Fulchester Mint and ask where they could buy them - so Nature imitated Art and now glories such as the Elvis Dambusters Clock of Tutankhamun and the Life Of Christ in Cats depicted in hand-coloured-in gel inks on genuine 100% pottery just like Jesus might have eaten off of, actually exist.

The friend who introduced me to Viz is getting married soon, and I thought a suitable wedding gift could be garnered from the Viz Tatologue - but when I enquired I found out that the Princess Diana Breakfast Plate of Hope ("Her beautiful tragic face stares up at you between sausage and bacon - the eggs represent the new hope she planted in the soul of the public - the mushrooms stand for how "mush room" the people of Britain have made for her in their hearts ...") - has been discontinued. It's a downright national scandal!

The Return Of Rothkoid

01:12 / 07.11.02

Awwww, yeah.

From here. Goes well with one of these:

The Return Of Rothkoid

01:14 / 07.11.02

On second thought - naah. Let's git classy.

15:53 / 07.11.02

Or for the more chilled, less frenetic approach to James Brown playthings.

16:04 / 07.11.02

I want a celebriduck! Go here for the whole cast of bathtime-fun celebs, including the fabulous "Biker" Betty Boop model for the boys at the Hoist.

Goodness Gracious Meme

19:13 / 07.11.02

I'm trying not to hernia myself from laughing at those, Zo....

And can I get all Decay Of Culture about the fact that celebriducks is run out from beckett.com?

Honestly, a few dud reviews and this is what happens to him.