Courtesy of Ma'at, via e-mail. I hope she doesn't mind me reproducing it here in its entirety, and apologies to all the contributors who I can't credit, cos they weren't named. Raised a chuckle:
Leia: Do you promise not to destroy Alderaan?
Vader: What was that?
Leia: If I tell you where the rebel base is, do you promise not to destroy that planet?
Vader: May I live a thousand years and never hunt down a Jedi again!
Leia: Call off the Death Star from the planet.
Vader: I swear it will be done. (aside, to Tarkin) Once she tells us where the base is, set the controls to destroy Alderaan.
Tarkin: I swear it will be done.
Luke: He's here. He's on this moon. I can feel his presence.
Leia: How do you know?
Luke: He can track a falcon on a cloudy day. He uses the Force. He can feel when I'm near. I'm endangering the group; I shouldn't be here.
Han: My blaster, your brains, and Chewie's strength against sixty stormtroopers and you think a little teddy bear with a stick's going to make me happy? Hmm? I mean, if we only had a scout walker or something ...
Admiral Ackbar: Rebewwion. Rebewwion is what bwings us to attack today. That bwessed wesistance to opwession, that dweam of fweedom ...
Emperor P: Your little rebellion is crushed. I have ordered their destruction myself.
Luke: Then why is there fear behind your eyes?
Vader: I can't afford to make exceptions. I mean once word gets out that a Dark Lord of the Sith's gone soft people will disobey him and it's nothing but work, work, work, all day long.
While fighting:
Darth: "Why are you smiling?"
Luke: "I have a secret."
Darth: "What is that?"
Luke: "I am not left-handed."
Darth chops off Luke's right hand...
Darth: You are now.
"Is that a Rodent of Unusual Size?"
"Why, no. That's my copilot, Chewbacca."
"Have fun stormin' the Deathstar!"
"Think it will work?"
"It would take The Force."
"Luke, are there meteorites ahead?"
"If there are, we'll all be dead."
"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war on Endor, and only slightly less well known is
this: Never go in against Greedo, when death is on the line! Hahahahaha!"
[Yoda]
"Ooooohhh! Knows so much, think you! Mostly dead, our friend, it so happens he is. Big difference, mostly dead and all dead between. Please open his mouth. Now, slightly alive, mostly dead is." [/Yoda]
"My blaster, his lightsaber and the Force against a hundred-thousand Stormtroopers and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy? Hmm?? I mean if we only had the top secret blueprints to the Deathstar that exposed its one fatal weakness that would allow a single pilot to destroy it with one shot, that would be something."
Prince Humperdink: Let's see now, how to start a war with Guilder. Hmmm... I could find some beautiful woman, order her to be engaged to me, get Florin to fall in love with her, have her kidnapped and murdered on the coast of Guilder, which would really piss people off... Oh, screw it. I'll just blast 'em to hell with my Deathstar.
Threepio: "Where am I?"
Luke: "The Pit of Despair!"
Threepio: "I must've taken a bad step..."
"Someone has bested an AT-AT..."
Leia: "They let us go... that's the only explanation for the ease of our escape!"
Han: "Easy? You call that easy?!?"
Leia: "They're tracking us!"
Han: "Not this ship, sister... just out of curiosity, why do you ask?"
Leia: "Oh, I just happened to look behind me and something was there."
"Death cannot stop True Love... all it can do is make you more powerful than you can possibly imagine for a while."
Nothing gave Yoda as much pleasure as ordering Luke around. "Farm boy, polish my walking stick. I want to see my face shining in it by morning. "Yes Master Yoda." "Yes Master Yoda " was all he ever said to him. "Farm boy, let me ride on your back through the swamp-- please." "Yes Master Yoda" That day, Yoda was amazed to discover that when Luke was saying "Yes Master Yoda", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day Yoda realized he truly loved Luke back. "Farm boy... fetch me that X-wing." "Yes Master Yoda." "Hold it, hold it! What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the light sabres? Where's the space battles? Is this a kissing book?" "Wait, just wait." "Well, when do we get to Vader?!"
"Emperor, you know how much I love watching you work. But I've got Luke to convert, a deathstar to build, some Ewoks to kill, and a galaxy to conquer. I'm swamped!" "Get some rest, Darth. If you haven't got your force, you haven't got anything."
Tarkin: "They got through the asteroid belt? Inconceivable!!!"
-You can't blow up a Death Star!
-Nonsense, you're only saying that because no one ever has.
Greedo: You have a blaster hidden under the table! Ah ... but you can't trick me ... you might have hidden the blaster in my hand, hoping I'd switch it with yours! So I'll fire this one instead! BLAM!
[Greedo falls down dead]
Han: Actually, I hid a blaster in both our hands. I've been a space pirate for so long I've built up an immunity to blaster fire.
"Hello. My name is Luke Skywalker. You are my father. Prepare to die."
"you must be that little Jedi brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago..." |
