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Militant anti-capitalist pashtivists today hailed as a great success simultaneous games of spin the bottle held inside and outside State Parliament today. “Some would call it civil disobedience, but civility had nothing to do with it,” boasted Spin The Bottle Bloc member Morris Day. “We have taken direct action to defend our democratic right to snog where and when we like!” Dozens kissed happily on the pavement while four committed cadres put their mouths where the money is, pashing in Parliament’s public gallery until security guards removed them. Protestors were happy to chalk up a total of 154 kisses, which apparently is the magic number just now.
The action followed Police Minister Michael Costa’s November 14th parliamentary denunciation of the Spin The Bottle Bloc – one of the groups involved in recent No-WTO protests. Mr Costa, apparently unaware that spin the bottle is a popular teen kissing game, took the phrase to be a code for violent disruption. Mr Costa referred to “disturbing threats of violence” which led to “a spin the bottle action – an activity conducted this morning that had led to disruption of the city and illegal behaviour.”
In fact, the Spin The Bottle Bloc were literally planning to play spin the bottle – a creative, fun way to show their opposition to the WTO’s agenda of free trade and human misery. Their plan was foiled when police confiscated their six-foot bottle prop on the 15th. "The most dangerous thing about that bottle was that you might have to pash someone who hadn’t showered in a few days," said Day “It barely stood up on its own!”. Day noted that Spin the Bottle was the only example the Mr Costa could furnish of violent threats that demanded a heavy-handed police response to anti-WTO protests. “Now Costa’s spent millions defending WTO delegates against the threat of tonsil hockey. I shudder to think what’s going to happen to teenagers’ right to naughty touching.”
Apollonia Kotero, one of the four spunky young revolutionaries ejected from Parliament for their public display of affection, was outraged. “Just the other week the Daily Telegraph was telling us this is ‘our house’. If it’s our house we should be allowed to pash in it to our hearts’ content.” Instead, these four courageous radicals were banned from Parliament House for life. “We were shocked,” said Kotero. “It’s not often the government reward you for protesting.”
The Spin The Bottle Bloc maintain that Michael Costa is “patently an idiot”, but say the Police Minister was right to be scared. “These lips, these hips are a definite threat to global capital,” said Day. “But bringing out the police horses last Thursday was clearly excessive.” |
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