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The cyclopean horror that is the personal statement!

 
 
jeff
18:57 / 13.10.02
Dear residents of barbelith.com,
I am in desperate need of assistance regarding a university application I must submit. Namely, how could I make it stand out, without repelling the unfortunate soul who has to read it.
Secondly, I need to be able to give a decent excuse for taking a year off. Apparently, they would frown if I was honest enough to say I wanted a lie in.

Yours pleadingly,
N48
 
 
that
19:00 / 13.10.02
You were writing a novel on your year out?

Don't worry too much about making it stand out, just tell the truth as engagingly as you can. Make sure it's neat, and that your grammar and spelling is impeccable, that is extreeeeeemely important.
 
 
that
19:02 / 13.10.02
Uh - grammar and spelling are impeccable? You know what I bloody mean... I just finished my first ever slash story, my grasp of grammar is all drained out of me.
 
 
William Sack
19:24 / 13.10.02
Depends. If you are aiming at a veterinary or zoology course you should wait until interview to tell them you wanted a lie in. They will misunderstand you and think you are terrible keen (and ever so brave.)
 
 
_pin
20:00 / 13.10.02
I just foudn out that I can do this from my home computer! I so fucking wish i hadn't, cos I now I feel like I should be doing it ALL THE TIME.

As I'm applying for a number of different analytical, historyee subjects, I'm hoping to mention my zine as evidence of, uh... something. Essay writting fu or some shit. I dunno.

How do I work discusisons with you lot in, without mentioning that I rarely get round to actually discussing, and that you're all on the internet??
 
 
The Strobe
20:44 / 13.10.02
Pin: I think the internet's a very valid thing to mention. You could come in from a computer skills angle (probably bad), or a cultural one, if you've talked about what your other interests are, etc, especially for a culturally analytical one, say (I don't know) something like "I also contribute and help moderate (if you do, I think you might) an internet discussion forum for a variety of cultural ideas, from the arts and sciences to more philosophical ideas" or something like that. You're showing: you're interested outside your subject, you get involved and help run stuff, you're aware of the potential of new technology. You see?

Just be careful. Most people applying these days won't be putting up with an interview, but if you are, make sure you can answer any question you raise. Don't lie: but you can bend the truth, and explain it if necessary. IE: you have a variety of extracurricular interests on Barbelith - you say you're interested outside your subject, they think you mean (from what you've said) science, philosophy, political theory etc, and you meant comics and Morrison fanboyism and modern alternative music (that's an example of other stuff on Barbelith, I'm not suggesting what you're into). If you're not being interviewed, they'll never know. But be careful.

N48: like I said, tell the truth - but don't be afraid to sell yourself. And find a decent reason for a gap year. What I'd think would be very acceptable is to say something like "I originally took a gap year through indecision and a desire to take a break from work, but it actually turned out that I really got into this that or the other which I wouldn't have had the chance to do otherwise." Show that you've developed in it - that YOU as a PERSON have progressed. If that's because you helped poor kids in Africa, fine; if it's because you did tons of reading and learnt stuff you wouldn't have time for at Uni, that's fine too. Show you developed, you got SOMETHING out of it, no matter what, and no matter how unlike-the-cliche-of-3rd-world-tourism, etc.

I found mine a few weeks ago. It's terrifying - a bit haughtey, and I've changed quite a bit since then... but something in it's still me. So I can't have done too badly.
 
 
Kit-Cat Club
21:55 / 13.10.02
Ha. What Paleface says, basically; and mention all the exciting things you did at school - this will make you seem active and involved with things. However - do not do what I did and reel off a list of obscure interests - genealogy and heraldry, I think mine were - as this can make you look like a tosser... and on no account mention your tropical fish, as it will be brought out to humiliate you at every opportunity by sadistic tutors. I speak from experience...
 
 
_pin
07:36 / 14.10.02
Now I want to moderate! Let me moderate! It'll look good!

How do I moderate? Do you think Tom'll want me to moderate for better reasons?
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
08:03 / 14.10.02
They want something to talk to you about when you go see them. So don't tell any massive whoppers you'll then have to back up. You could just flat out say that after the ludicrous pressure of A-levels - and I maintain I have never been so stressed, before or since - you wanted to slow down, and take a moment to figure out where you wanted to go to university, what you actually wanted to do, what you thought was important. If that meant wandering around going to Karl Marx's grave and drinking coffee, that's fine. If it meant going to Casablanca and working in a gift shop, that's fine too.

It depends which uni you're applying to. Some interviewers have fantasies about being clever. They say things like 'what games shall we play?' and 'sell me an ashtray!' and they want you to say something snappy and cool and intelligent. (Fuckers.) Others just want you to relax and show them a decent conversation. All of them need a clue who you are beforehand.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
09:34 / 14.10.02
My mum wrote mine. That's my advice to you, get an ex-english teacher to write the thing, it works.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
10:14 / 14.10.02
Why 'cyclopean'?
 
 
that
10:14 / 14.10.02
I was wondering that too...
 
 
The Strobe
12:19 / 14.10.02
Yes. Don't use the word cyclopean on your statement, especially inaccurately. Xrefer gives me:

1 (of ancient masonry) made with massive irregular blocks.
2 of or resembling a Cyclops
.

So maybe not the best word, though I know what you're touching on.

Nick: do bear in mind that most universities don't even interview; it really is a few. Oxford, Cambridge, maybe Durham, maybe some of the London ones. Oh, and Exeter, who wanted me to come to an interview, which I didn't have time for, and they said on the phone "we're not meant to say this, but it all comes down to how much you want to study here". So I didn't go. But so many people just read the statement and tick the "yes" box; you probably won't even get questioned on it when you get where you got into.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
12:28 / 14.10.02
[shrug] At that point, your personal statement is going to be one of a mess of hundred-word fabrications, in which case the best thing to do is make it interesting and hope for the best, unless you feel like pulling a stunt like "I make marmalade for the nude wrestling circuit and have a collection of antique herbivores" and hoping they see the creativity rather than the cheek.
 
 
Persephone
12:44 / 14.10.02
Maybe it's cyclopean because it demands to know who you are, and you say Nobody.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
13:15 / 14.10.02
But that's Polypheman, rather than cyclopean.

Possibly because the personal statement must be intricately and beautifully wrought....
 
 
jeff
13:42 / 14.10.02
Please forgive me, I was just mocking Lovecraft.
Incidently, should I put "deriding classic horrow authors" as an interest on the statement?
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
14:47 / 14.10.02
Definitely. Horrow authors suck, and everyone knows it.
 
 
jeff
15:19 / 14.10.02
(glares menacingly)
 
 
Persephone
15:34 / 14.10.02
(How many eyes are you glaring with?)
 
  
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