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Single thoughts

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

02:09 / 13.10.02

so, i have been living with someone who i care deeply about for about 2 years now, but lately i find myself thinking single thoughts as i am out and about.
Is this normal? am i doomed to cheat eventually?
I get the "if only i were single" thought reverberating through my brain at some times.
does anyone have any ideas about how to communicate my feelings without getting dinnerware tossed at me? should i try?

02:25 / 13.10.02

Imagine it was the other way round.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

02:32 / 13.10.02

i've tried

the thing is, i know she cares about me alot, and i really care about her, but things are just very blah lately. I'm having a hard time even equating it to a healthy relationship, it reminds me of my parents relationship which my mother described as "we havent had sex in so long its like we arent even officially gay anymore"

I dont want to be one of the people that ends a relationship based on sex, but lately i feel more like her roomate....

02:54 / 13.10.02

Well I've ran out of advice.
Mind you if this a sex problem maybe it's better to approach it that way rather than as an issue of wishing to be single.

08:37 / 13.10.02

Keep it to yourself until you figure out what yr feeling or risk sounding like you want to break up but arent grown up enough to do it. And she may do it for you.

I get the "if only I were single" thoughts a lot. It usually comes down to:

A) I'm bored.
B) I have to do something with her family.
C) I'm unsatisfied with what I'm doing with my life and looking for a scapegoat.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

10:03 / 13.10.02

Pour energy into it. Do something dumb and romantic. When you've done it, do something else dumb and romantic. Be amazing. Keep doing it. It'll be the hardest thing ever. Don't monitor how it's working, just do it. Put yourself totally on the line. What's the worst that happens?

11:05 / 13.10.02

I get the "if only I were single" thoughts a lot. It usually comes down to:

B) I have to do something with her family.

Too right. Perhaps you too have discovered the joy of explaining life choices to old conservative people so entrenched in their own castle of right that everything else seems wrong...erm, sorry, just hate certain types of dinner.

pointless and uncalled for

11:34 / 13.10.02

The most common excuse for "I wish I were single" musings that I have come across is that the relationship has fallen into a rut. This will lead to a desire for a return to pre-relationship life as it will be something that you will remember as easy and easily fun.

Now here's where I sound like some form of an aunt abby figure. There are two easy ways out of this kind of rut. One is to quit and the other, should you not want to quit, is to just do something different.

You should soon find a quick return to rutting either way.

If your problems are deeper than a rut then don't listen to me.

.

11:38 / 13.10.02

It's perfectly natural to feel feelings towards people other than the S.O.- it's only if you'd prefer the other person over your partner that it's a problem... And sometimes the hard truth is that if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. But generally I've found that I've managed to go out with my partner for a good few years now by being honest and open, even (or especially) about things like this.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:46 / 13.10.02

I remember a few years back I was in a wonderful relationship, but listening to a song (which shall remain nameless) and thinking "that would be the track I'd be listening to if I'd just been dumped... and it would SO work."

A couple of weeks after, I had just been.

And it did. But it didn't help.

Hey, the grass may always be greener on the other side of the fence. But can you skin up with it as well as you do on this side?

02:59 / 14.10.02

I get the "if only i were single" thought reverberating through my brain at some times.
does anyone have any ideas about how to communicate my feelings without getting dinnerware tossed at me? should i try?

Complex situation here... Your thoughts and your feelings are separate things. What are your feelings? Boredom? What else? Angry? Not in love any more?

I suspect that there are more thoughts running through your head than "I wish I was single." It's completely normal to be appreciative of beautiful flesh; quite common to have lustful thoughts that have no possibility of consummation. Having beautiful flesh inspire thougths of not wanting to be in your primary relationship ins something else entirely...

You need to be completely honest with yourself before you can be honest with your sweetie...

Meanwhile, not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Some can but most can't, and I don't think it's automatically a bad thing if the relationship is changing for both people in the same way at the same time.

Auntie 'belle