The mass production of badly designed products should be a crime, and it should be punished. The wasted resources! The misery! Countless, tiny moments of misery which, added together, must be equivalent in their effect - irritation, aggravation, stress and even injury - to at least one manslaughter per day per product!
So, who are the worst bastards in this area? I nominate:
The cheap metal teapot used in Woolworths cafes and similar establishments throughout the land
This must be one of the most widely distributed and frequently used pieces of badly designed hardware in the British Isles. Nothing could be less deserving of its ubiquity.
1. It has no insulating properties whatsoever; in fact, the thin metal from which the entire teapot is made is a viciously efficient thermal conductor. Heat is sucked from the tea and marshalled to the outer surface of the pot like red blood cells to a screaming drill-sergeant's face. If you are unfortunate or foolhardy enough to touch any part of a recently filled pot other than the handle, you'll instantly receive a sufficient dose of degrees C to trigger a violent autonomic response, and before you know it you'll have knocked your table over and flung the scalding cauldron into an elderly woman's face.
2. You can't achieve a proper brew without injuring yourself. Arguably the whole point of having a 2-cup teapot to yourself is that you can brew it to suit your own taste and then remove the teabags. If you want to lift the lid to remove a teabag or give it a stir, you have two options: use the knob in the middle of the lid, or the little lever which extends from the lid's hinge. Now the knob joins directly to the lid, is made of the same material, and is even recessed, so that, if you have a full pot, it is actually in contact with the recently boiled water. This means that not only is the knob hot, but also it is more likely that big fingers will come into contact with the even hotter lid which curves up and around the knob. Further, the lid would be easier to lift if the knob were placed at the opposite edge to the hinge (there's a reason why doorhandles are placed so), but being in the middle means you have to move your hand through an uncomfortably tight angle to lift the f*cker. What tends to happen is:
- grab knob
- "Ooch!"
- panic, attempt to lift too quickly
- lid drops
- repeat a thousand times
Eventually, you lift it to a point just beyond the vertical so that it drops open, but with such force that the bastard thing shakes a good few drops out of the spout onto your sandwich.
The hinge is worse, because it is tiny and you have to exert such force to open it that the burning lid slams down on your hand (and you get the spillage too).
3. Leaky spout. The sort that directs a second stream down the outside of the spout.
So, again, what do you think is so badly designed and/or constructed that its designers and manufacturers should do time? |
