BARBELITH underground
 

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Hieronymus
14:15 / 11.10.02
"Didactic Mass is like a normal postage stamp, but it pings when it's ready."

You have no idea how true that is.
 
 
Persephone
14:18 / 11.10.02
Sheesh, right to the heart:

Persephone is an explosive device that craves attention! It can play chess and has a million household uses.

Better:

P is a pair of sunglasses that is invisible to the naked eye and is smaller than a matchbox.

Best:

Queer Granny is an armchair! It tells the time!
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
14:36 / 11.10.02
Mine were rather unexciting, but when I started using random names from my vast library of redundant nomenclature, it got far more exciting. Now I'm going back to try 'redundant nomenclature'.
 
 
Baz Auckland
14:38 / 11.10.02
Awwww.....

Barry Auckland is like a normal cardboard box, but it will not work outside of the UK.

...I feel homesick again.
 
 
Persephone
15:14 / 11.10.02
Are you kidding, Nick? Yours is totally exciting!
 
 
gravitybitch
16:24 / 11.10.02
iszabelle is a security camera that has a million household uses! It operates on a quantum level.

My mundane identity is a wristwatch that has a built-in alarm clock! It makes you invisible and moulds vegetables.

Hmmm. A quantum security camera and the ability to be invisible. I get the feeling I should be in a line of work much closer to spystuff...
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
16:45 / 11.10.02
Deric Holloway is a hammer that picks up Radio Four! It makes clicking noises.

I wondered what all of those British voices and random clicks were about. Now I know it's because I'm a hammer...
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
16:45 / 11.10.02
Incidentally, Barbelith is a trouser press! It keeps your teeth clean!
 
 
Persephone
16:54 / 11.10.02
I could be perfectly happy doing this all day...

New X-Men is a pair of underpants that runs on a single AA battery!
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
17:06 / 11.10.02
Special Boy potus is a bar of soap that does exactly what it says on the tin, makes amusing belching noises and emits a powerful searchlight beam.

That sounds too good to be crap. Someone must have made a mistake.
 
 
Persephone
17:09 / 11.10.02
Grant Morrison is a candle that costs less than a penny a day to run! It scares dogs and speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones.

*SHRIEK!*

George W. Bush is a fridge magnet that runs on compressed air, is completely reversible and hovers.

It's nice to know he's reversible, anyway.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
17:09 / 11.10.02
I should add that IRL I am a toilet seat that shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger, shoots laser beams and can be bolted onto an airbag.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
17:12 / 11.10.02
A ninja is a key-ring that does exactly what it says on the tin! It emits heat.

A pirate is a newly-discovered breed of fish that hums incessantly! It is not suitable for children, just in case you though otherwise.
 
 
gridley
17:22 / 11.10.02
Hey, Potus, I'm a toilet seat too!

gridley is a toilet seat that has been blessed by a priest! It picks up Radio Four and changes colour.
 
 
Papess
18:33 / 11.10.02
Hehe


May Tricks is a CD player that uses human blood for fuel and can read warchalking symbols.
 
 
deja_vroom
18:33 / 11.10.02
jade emperor is a crematorium that uses the Amazon API!
 
 
fluid_state
18:35 / 11.10.02
solid_state is an answering machine! It has a built-in calculator!

uhhh, yes. yes i am. 2+2=5. (answers not suaranteed satisfying, or even accurate).
 
 
Saint Keggers
18:39 / 11.10.02
Kegboy is a laser-printer that can communicate with your teddybear!

And in realife im a genetically-modified sheep that detects police sonar and runs on methane.

What a world!
 
 
Mourne Kransky
18:50 / 11.10.02
ZoCher is a stereo system that sticks to the skin!
 
 
Mourne Kransky
18:53 / 11.10.02
irl, apparently, I'm like a normal rickshaw, but I inflate balloons.

Rothkoid, you Darling Man, you have become no more sensible for returning to the Antipodes.
 
 
Strange Machine Vs The Virus with Shoes
19:15 / 11.10.02

panarchy is a Christmas tree that has sleek curves! It must be replaced every morning and has a human brain inside.
 
 
reFLUX
21:18 / 11.10.02
Varis 08 is a sofa that expands at the touch of a button, keeps drinks hot and is also available in white.
 
 
Elijah, Freelance Rabbi
22:26 / 11.10.02
barbelith
barbelith is a trouser press! It keeps your teeth clean!

No wonder my breath feels fresh when i come here...

Elijah D
Elijah D is a barcode reader that's ten feet tall! It fires plastic darts.

ahh, darts

the "real" me is a shoelace! It can interface with your explosive device!
 
 
XXII:X:II = XXX
22:35 / 11.10.02
Vladimir J. Baptiste, Jr. is a teddybear that has no sharp edges, loves you as a person and can light cigarettes.

Out of the mouth of dada...
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
22:41 / 11.10.02
"The Underground is an explosive device that feeds your pets, turns your lights on and off and turns your lights on and off."

Couldn't have said it better myself.
 
 
XXII:X:II = XXX
22:47 / 11.10.02
Here's some more:

King Mob is a vacuum cleaner that tracks infra-red, plays MP3s and keeps food warm.

Lord Fanny is like a normal pogo stick, but it responds to temperature changes. oo-er!

Jack Frost is a gas-mask! It communicates with wireless devices!

Ragged Robin is a T-shirt that purifies water and emits harmful gases.

Boy is a retinal implant that dispenses tea or coffee, will make your mobile phone obsolete and changes colour to reflect your mood.

Jim Crow is a credit card that expands at the touch of a button, induces lucid dreaming and is monogrammed (up to three letters).

Jolly Roger is like a normal wrapping paper, but it records everything you say.

Cassandra Nova is an armchair that's invisible to the naked eye! It runs on six little wheels.

Ned Slade is a speaker system that can play chess!

Greg Feely is a burglar alarm that makes reassuring noises! It responds to temperature changes and can play Mornington Crescent.


Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we've discovered the "true" Grant Morrison, and he is a candle that costs less than a penny a day to run! It scares dogs and speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
23:13 / 11.10.02
I fergot. In real life, I'm a games console that emits thick black smoke!

How incredibly fitting.

ZoCher; of course. Something's got to be keeping my head on...
 
 
jblank: the fucking slidechamp
23:19 / 11.10.02
hmmm... so what am i today?

jblank is a window pane that communicates via Instant Messenger!

or:

deadbird is a postage stamp that gets +2 to kill undead and can disable electrical hardware.

or maybe:

roseiswordisvirusisrose is a stick of chewing gum that's designed by Terence Conran and hovers.

gotta love the dadist identity crisis...
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
01:08 / 12.10.02
Mordant Carnival is a T-shirt! It runs on tapwater!

Only when there's no more mixer...
 
 
Cubby
17:52 / 12.10.02
cubby is an alcoholic drink that secretes a sticky glue! It keeps your breath fresh for up to twenty-four hours and is perfectly safe to use.
 
 
ill tonic
18:42 / 12.10.02
nightguard is a mattress that catches fire very easily, contains alcohol and records everything you say.
 
 
_pin
21:29 / 12.10.02
_pin is a fishpond that can pick up digital radio and follows you around.

pin is like a normal barcode reader, but it's inflammable.

Plus my girlfriend's dog is a wireless network device that catalogues its contents, runs on compressed air and follows you around.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
11:51 / 13.10.02
I urge you all to check out what Tom Coates is. Most fitting in a semi-bizare manner.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:54 / 13.10.02
I know what you mean. Strangely appropriate.
 
 
The Strobe
12:13 / 13.10.02
Paleface is a fusebox that helps around the home, automatically avoids obstacles and is better than the last one.

And in real life... I'm is a headband! It works at any altitude! Great. I so needed that right now.
 
  

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