Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

Uncomfortable work situation

14:55 / 30.09.02

So, the situation is this: Mrs Sax and myself work for the same company, in different departments. I am more or less on a level with Mrs Sax's boss; in fact, when I arrived 18 months ago part of his duties passed to me in my role.

Now, Mrs Sax is on the receiving end of some quite insidious bullying, in my opinion. So much so that it's making her rather depressed and also a bit ill. Without going into too much detail, Mrs Sax is on a probationary period for a promotion, but feels she is being deliberately blocked by her line managers who are making things very difficult for her.

She recently came to learn through not very official means that a "dossier" was being kept upon her by her boss. Now this would be okay, I suppose; she is in probation and her boss is quite within his rights to keep a note on her progress for the time when the decision is made whether she gets the job. But she is aware that the last item to be put in this dossier is at best, a misrepresentation of a recent incident in the office, at worst a complete fabrication to put her in a bad light.

Mrs Sax is quite flummoxed as to why her line manager has taken a dislike to her; possibly one reason is that it is some kind of way to "get at me" for coming in and messing up his patch.

The question is, what, if anything, should I do about this? Macho northern instinct tells me to get this dicksmear by the lapels and hold him up against the wall while giving him my best Wolverine smile. Conventional wisdom would probably suggest this is not a very adult course of action, and might not do my job prospects any favours. Should I leave well alone and let Mrs Sax and her bosses sort this one out? Should I have a quiet word?

Anyone help?

The Apple-Picker

15:00 / 30.09.02

Oh where is Randy Cohen when you need him?!

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

15:02 / 30.09.02

Good lord. I honestly wish I could give you some advice, but I haven't a clue.

15:20 / 30.09.02

do you know how the dossier is kept - would the data protection act give your wife the right to view all emails and other electronically (and possibly also analog) stored information pertaining to her?

The Apple-Picker

15:26 / 30.09.02

Alright, I'm not the Ethicist, but I'll give this some kind of shot.

First of all, what does this mean? She recently came to learn through not very official means that a "dossier" was being kept upon her by her boss. Does that mean that this is, gasp, gossip? If so, proceed with even more caution!

Now, I'm no expert in office politics. I've done lots of no-nos (was too personal in my interview [was hired enthusiastically], had four long island iced tea lunches, and was too personal in my letter of resignation [and was enthusiastically and repeatedly asked to stay]) and for some reason, my bosses still all loved me. --Just wanted to give you my background and lack of expertise in the way things should be, or are typically, handled.

I think your wife should take it up with her boss, ask if he would set aside some time for a private meeting with her. She could explain that she was concerned about some news she'd heard around the office and then describe her perspective on the events.

15:38 / 30.09.02

First and foremost, which side of the pond are you on? I don't know what the situation is in the UK, but in the US there are ways to handle this through legal channels.

15:38 / 30.09.02

And in no uncertain terms - Mr Sax SHOULD NOT become involved in this situation.

Sax unless you are the direct line manager of her boss, you have no right or reason to be telling him/her what to do (or how to treat your wife). Not only would you be interferring in places you weren't wanted and potentially disrupting your career ladder through the place, you would only be making the situation worse for Mrs Sax, because you are then leaving yourselves open to all kinds of inferrences about your relationship and your progress in the company.

It's really crap that she is having such a tough time, but she has to make the running on this, you can do nothing but be supportive of her.

Also on the "misrepresented situation" document, who created the document? Is it a write up (or filenote) that he created himself or did it come from someone else? If it's from someone else Mrs Sax could approach him with the old "I just want to make sure that all side of this story are heard" track.

I'm not sure this is the kind of help you wanted, but be really careful not to undermine the professional image of either Mrs Sax or you. Diving in to help protect your wife is not looked on fondly in the business community, regarless of how "right" it is in real life.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

16:31 / 30.09.02

Step back. Both of you. The fact that this is distressing and makes you cross and is unjust makes you likely to make iffy decisions. Figure out what you want from the situation. Write it all down so that you see it on the page eg. 'want to work here forever', 'use this job as stepping stone', 'hate this whole industry but need the money' (and don't forget "Mr. & Mrs. Sax don't get stuck on opposite sides of some dumb work-related crap") and plot a course.

Find out from a non-related legal source what the deal is - preferably a friend-lawyer you bind to total secrecy on pain of death, but otherwise, if you can afford one, a good employment lawyer. Citizen's Advice may be able to help free, but they're overworked and not always as awake as they should be because they're giving you their after-work time.

Don't let any of your notes leave the house if you can help it, and obviously don't take them to work.

Think, go carefully, and if in doubt, get calm rather than angry.

That's all I can think of.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

16:33 / 30.09.02

And need I say 'please, dear Lord, Sax, tell me you didn't post that from work'?

16:42 / 30.09.02

Keep out of it, definitely. She's an adult and to have you do anything would be like sending her Mum round to have a word.

All Mrs Sax can really do is try to put her version of events across, and keep notes of what happens and when. And yes, perhaps have a word with a lawyer. It may all come to nothing, so there's no point in making a big fuss and making it into more than it is.

And yes, don't do any of this at work.

13:35 / 02.10.02

And need I say 'please, dear Lord, Sax, tell me you didn't post that from work'?

Aw, crap.

14:44 / 02.10.02

Firstly, Sax, stay out of this, it's none of your concern and your involvement will cause no end of trouble for the both of you.

Secondly, (and much better this bit) is the fact that under the human rights act, your missus has a right to know exactly what is in that 'dossier'. Sounds more like a management profile to me which all managers (certainly in my job at least) are required to keep, but that's by the by.
Managers are entitled to opinions and they are entitled to make notes and keep records. She's entitled to know what it says though.

If she stays calm and polite and gets this out in the open as soon as possible there's no reason why it should end badly. You just shouldn't get in trouble for acknowledging there's a problem and making it clear that you're seeking to sort it out.

Finally, Mrs Sax should keep notes on everything, remain polite, never be sarcastic and DO NOT discuss it with collegues unless she's absolutely certain they're on her side.

Hope this all works out, been in a similar situation myself in the past and I know how much this sucks. Good luck.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

00:50 / 03.10.02

small concealed tape recorders, with dead batteries.
just having one saved my job when i was being made the fall guy on a $2000 fuck up in a sales environment, never recorded anything really.

Also, in the US nothing can be added to an official file without being signed by the accuser and the accused. If it is not it can not be used against you.

The Return Of Rothkoid

00:55 / 03.10.02

My advice is to check what the HR policy in your workplace is. Regardless of what people believe about the employment laws and what in-theory is meant to happen in the workplace, you have to take it on an individual basis. Trust me. I got fucked over in a not altogether different way quite recently, and what's supposed to happen and what might well happen are two things separated by an ocean. Essentially, if someone wants someone out, they can be removed easily, and though that's not really what you want to hear, you have to a) tread very carefully, and be prepared to walk away or b) bring the hammer down, hard, when you have the opportunity and are sure it will work.

The one thing that's certain is that you cannot get involved.

The only other thing that's certain is that gross misconduct is the company equivalent of a get out of jail free card (for them). Be very wary if anything in the file comes anywhere near this.