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Bitchiekittie is dead

  
 
bitchiekittie
20:32 / 26.09.02
if you were gone tomorrow, what would they write about you? what, if any publication(s) would we find you featured in? who'd send it in, who'd write it?

would you think it would be tinged with the usual sadness, more of a belated pisstake, or would you expect it to be as straightforward as can be?

write your own obituary here, friends and neighbors
 
 
The Apple-Picker
20:53 / 26.09.02
I would want treasure to be involved.
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
20:57 / 26.09.02
"My Misheard Lada of the Flowers was shot last night on leaving his luxury penthouse flat. So far the Radical Alan Moore Brigade, the Grant Morrison Tossers and the Warren Ellis Fatbeards have all claimed responsibility.

Born in 1976 Lada had a unique medical condition that made him age at the rate of 1 day every 24 hours. Overcoming the disability of being born a white, middle-class male Lada did pioneering work in the field of Talking Complete Bollocks About Stuff he Knew Nothing About, culminating in the legendary and still awe-inspiring 'Dworkin talks a load of rubbish' address of the early 21st century.

Lada will be burried tomorrow, at a crossroads, with a stake through the heart."

For publications I've featured in; letters printed in 'Doctor Who magazine' and (the shame!) 'SFX' and a short story in the very limited distribution mag 'Visionary Tongue' which promptly folded. I'd like my body to be cremated, the ashes turned into a diamond and this to be shot into space, just so I don't have to share a galaxy with a race that can create someone like Eminem or George Bush.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
21:04 / 26.09.02
Hm--from third person to first.

Bold move!
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:20 / 26.09.02
if you were gone tomorrow, what would they write about you?

Thursday 24th December: I am alone. All my companions have-- they're gone, all of them. Fetherstonehaugh ran off into the night, screaming something about about Jeyes' Fluid and cheese. The grave was empty. EMPTY, I tell you! She walks again! I can hear something trying the latch! Oh, dear God help me. Help m

what, if any publication(s) would we find you featured in?

Fragment of a journal found in an abandoned cottage on a bleak and desolate moor, sort of near a wierd stately home type place.
 
 
grant
21:40 / 26.09.02
Something involving, "shocked friends and relatives" and the phrase "seemed so sweet" and possibly "36 hour police standoff."
 
 
doglikesparky
21:56 / 26.09.02
if you were gone tomorrow, what would they write about you?

Dear Sparky,
As the head of your division I am writing to you as I have been unable to contact you by telephone to advise that it has now been 3 days since you have been seen at work.

Whilst the business has not suffered at all, indeed staff seem to have been well motivated, during your absence we nonetheless feel you should at least be on site in order to justify your pay check.

Accordingly, I must advise you that unless you return to work immediately or contact this office with justifiable explanation for your absence, I will have no option but to terminate your contract here.

I look forward to hearing from you by return.

Your faithfully.........
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
22:45 / 26.09.02
if you were gone tomorrow, what would they write about you?

WANTED, DEAD OR ALIVE:
 
 
Papess
23:00 / 26.09.02
May, who?
 
 
Raziel
23:03 / 26.09.02
"The children do not have to participate in the last wishes of their father. We have concluded that he was not of sound mind when he wrote it in his will. 'My children may only gain my inheritance if they eat my corpse starting with the crotch...' is a clear sign of insanity."
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
02:10 / 27.09.02
"Perpetually on the cusp of getting his shit together, he just never...quite...made it. A quarter century down the toilet."

But I promise, if you just give me one more week, I'll have a legacy well worth leaving. Honest.
 
 
netbanshee
02:21 / 27.09.02
I have been along on many adventures with you, but on this one Indy, I go first...

or

Life is a tale told by an idiot signifying nothing.
 
 
Sax
06:37 / 27.09.02
Dear Vogue,

It is with such heartbreaking sadness that we read the news of Sax's untimely death. If only he had known we were planning to kidnap him and whisk him away to a mock mediaevel castle in central Europe and do really naughty things to him.

Yours,

Gwyneth Paltrow, Holly Valance, Atomic Kitten, the International Underwear Models' Union, Jude Law and Quentin Crisp.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
09:29 / 27.09.02
I'd like "OH! DEAR GOD, SAY IT ISN'T SO!!!" plastered all over the front pages of all the papers. Or maybe "STOATIE DEAD: WORLD NOW OFFICIALLY FUCKED!"

And inside "his creation of the radical concept of Windmill Anarchism has made the world a much happier, sexier, safer and sillier place... oh, and those bestselling novels weren't half bad either. Now is not the time to divulge the tawdry secrets of his affair with Hannah from S Club 7, or indeed the time he was arrested for the savage cheese-grater attack on Jeremy Clarkson (but released on a technicality). No, let us instead concentrate on his ground-breaking advances in brain surgery, and console ourselves by watching the DVD of his triumphant sell-out performance of the epic accapella death metal rock space opera 'Drugbeard and Boozehat- Quest for the Fags of Booze'. He will be mourned by all, especially brewers and people who sell Bagpuss merchandise."
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
09:30 / 27.09.02
Oh, and netbanshee: that Indiana Jones quote was spoken by David Yip, who was my babysitter as a child in Liverpool! (Irrelevant, I know, but I have so few claims to fame.)
 
 
Morlock - groupie for hire
12:35 / 27.09.02
"His passing will leave a great hole in our lives, as he owed us money."
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
14:19 / 27.09.02
Sax: Quentin isn't writing many letters these days, mate.

And I believe the IUMU now calls itself the Global Association of Fashion and Physical Art Workers. It's actually a free trade association, reflecting the members' actual economic status as a sole trader working on a consultative basis rather than as a hired employee, thus having to provide their own insurance and health care, and requiring commensurately greater remuneration up front.
 
 
Sax
14:31 / 27.09.02
Sorry, I meant Sam Quentin, incorrigible prison shower cocksman who befriended me in the Scrubs.

And whatever those nice boys and girls call themselves now, they would be sorry to see me go.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:34 / 27.09.02
AAARGH! The dead speak!
 
 
cusm
14:41 / 27.09.02
...and so we gather here today at the afore mentioned time, as it was written in the great book of our fallen Lord our beloved teacher and guide, who alone held the deepest mysteries of life and death, to prepare the way for his triumphant return from the lands beyond the veil. Soon, the stars will be in alignment. Brother Ingram, prepare the ungent. Line the virgins up over there. Hurry man! The gate is already beginning to open! There... There! Aah! The light! It burns! He comes! He COMES!!!

*garbled screaming*
*angelic voices in chorus*
*sound of space tearing*
 
 
No star here laces
15:28 / 27.09.02
"Craig David to star in biopic of tragic victim"
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
15:38 / 27.09.02
"So. The Return Of Rothkoid is dead.

Anyone know when the next bus is?"

Yeah, I'll be more serious when I'm not pissed.
 
 
nutella23
16:04 / 27.09.02
"We regretfully inform you that Nutella23 died tragically last night in a space/time continuum accident involving a faulty zero-point energy device and a microwave oven. Burned popcorn kernels and bits of clothing and hair were found as far away as next Tuesday. Please send all condolences and donations to the Nutella23 Memorial Fund. Large amounts of cash, most major credit cards and salvaged Nazi gold accepted."
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
17:10 / 27.09.02
I fought the impulse. I tried. I really tired. But in the end, that thread title got the better of me. Forgive me.

Bitchiekittie Is Dead

(with very few apologies to Bauhaus' Bela Lugosi's dead)

Pink on pink, translucent cat japes
Back on the frappe
Bitchiekittie Is Dead
The Starbucks' has gone bankrupt
The cats have just been fed
Red tinfoil wraps the chocolates,
Bitchiekittie Is Dead

Undead! Undead! Undead!
The Barbeloids file past her tomb
Strewn with time's dead threads
Caffinated fumes
Fill up the darkened room

Bitchiekittie Is Dead
Undead! Undead! Undead!
Bitchiekittie is dead...
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
18:35 / 27.09.02
Mordant: that's well funny (currently rotating in my head. Will hate it soon). Well done for fighting the impulse for so long!
 
 
The Strobe
19:38 / 27.09.02
"Painfate? Padfeet? Sorry, you've lost me. He's dead? Like, expired? Right. And who did you say he was again? [brief pause of twenty minutes desperate explanation].






OHHHHH, you mean HIM. Why didn't you say so?"
 
 
Turk
19:59 / 27.09.02
I'm too upset this thread's title, seriously.
 
 
Nessus
05:02 / 29.09.02
"Nessus is dead? Was that the guy...with, you know... the guy who didn't talk much? Did you see the game last night?"

Um, yeah. Maybe I blend in to the background a little too well.
 
 
bio k9
05:15 / 29.09.02
Yay!
 
 
The Apple-Picker
13:33 / 30.09.02
Yay? That's very sad.

I miss Bitchiekittie. I hope she isn't really dead.

My obit will say nothing out of the ordinary, and the wenches will dawdle in such dress as they are used to wear.
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
13:53 / 30.09.02
"Johnny ain't dead, he's jes' asleep."
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
14:39 / 30.09.02
"Bitchiekitty's dead baby, Bitchiekitty's dead..."
 
 
The Apple-Picker
14:49 / 30.09.02
Thank you... uh, Betelguise?
 
 
The Apple-Picker
14:52 / 30.09.02
Uh. I really don't know where that came from.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
15:03 / 30.09.02
Dunno about bitchiekittie, but Mistah Kurtz- HE dead.
 
  
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