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Interesting Euphemisms for ....

  
 
Papess
22:57 / 24.09.02
Heh, I know a few for stupidity that crack me up such as:

The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

(Ze is) surfing in Nebraska

and

Skylight leaks a little

Of course, any interesting euphemism would be great
 
 
Trijhaos
00:09 / 25.09.02
Missing a few cards from his deck.

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

Not running on all cylinders.

One wheel's in the sand.

A few fries short of a happy meal.

A few watts shy of a night light.

The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top

A few bricks shy of a full load
 
 
gravitybitch
01:11 / 25.09.02
{Snickers}

I heard two catty comments that fit into the general topic of describing inadequacies.

One was a critique of Vin Diesel's acting style in XXX, in which some of his attempts to convey deep feeling "looked like they were inspired by Zoolander." (if you've seen the movie, about a vapid male model, it makes perfect sense)

Another was a characterization of the current Bush's warmongering as "The madness of Prince George."
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
01:38 / 25.09.02
Slightly less elegant, is the wond'rous "Few six-packs short of a piss-up".

That, I like.
 
 
ceridwen
05:32 / 25.09.02
dumber than a box of rocks, or a bag of hammers, or bread.

apparently i say plenty-o-people are dumb. and i almost spelled dummer.
 
 
the Fool
05:40 / 25.09.02
"Few six-packs short of a piss-up"

or its companion euphemism

"a few tinnies short of a sixpack"
 
 
illmatic
07:50 / 25.09.02
My very camp ex-boss on recruting yet another gay member of staff:
"Sits on our side of the church, I'm afraid, Danny. Another one for you to fend off".
 
 
Papess
11:28 / 25.09.02
I almost forgot about this one...

One winter's night, watching hockey (as most canucks do on winter's nights) there was a break-away for the hometeam. One of the forwards (we will call him Antropov) was bolting it down the ice to the oppositions endzone. All of a sudden, he stops, like he was remembering if he left the lights on at home. The puck was recovering by the visiting team and, without missing a beat, the commentator, Bob Cole says:

...and Antropov has the puck. He's on a break away! Making his way down to the net! No one in sight to stop him!! Oh well, it looks like Antropov is having a bit of cerebral flatulance and here comes the opposing teams's defence...

I think I shot my beer out my nose at that point.

HAHAHA....OUT YOUR NOSE BITCH!

~MT
 
 
gridley
20:42 / 25.09.02
A friend in college used to ask his roommate to leave the room for fifteen minutes, so that he could "do the Han Solo." I thought it was amusing but most people just rolled their eyes.

Later, this evolved into calling it the "making the Kessel Run" often mentioning how many parsecs you made it in.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:20 / 25.09.02
So "making the Kessel Run" is the male equivalent of "putting Odo in his bucket", right?
 
 
Stone Mirror
21:47 / 25.09.02
I've always been fond of "as thick as two planks".
 
 
.
22:38 / 25.09.02
"Shaking hands with the unemployed"...
 
 
Saint Keggers
23:42 / 25.09.02
now there's a guy who waits for the stop sign to change colour.
 
 
Seth
06:02 / 26.09.02
I move that the previous two posts by MC and gridley be made into a website by themselves.
 
 
kagemaru
06:22 / 26.09.02
Daft as a brush
 
 
illmatic
07:26 / 26.09.02
Why do I get the feelng that euphenisms for "choking the turkey", "spanking the monkey" etc. could outnumber any other contributions?
 
 
.
08:36 / 26.09.02
Two rather charmingly modern euphemisms for doing a number two":

Logging out
Downloading
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
08:43 / 26.09.02
The commonly-used computer term "spam filter" suddenly struck me the other day as being so obscene I think I may have blushed.

Ahem- the end result of chicken choking/lightsaber training with Captain Solo/etc- "crashing the yoghurt truck". Or possibly "tragically shooting oneself in the stomach".
 
 
BioDynamo
11:31 / 26.09.02

Not stupidity as such, more of a tendency to drone on and on in that particularily smoked-out old hippy-way:

To be weaving yogurt
knitting tofu
or stacking lentils.

I used to live in Amsterdam....
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
11:36 / 26.09.02
Bakin' doughnuts. Always wondered what exactly that means after reading 'Et tu, Babe' by Mark Leyner.
 
 
angel
13:20 / 26.09.02
These have a particularly Australian flavour

one for madness:

Having a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock

or talking too much:

Banging on like a dunny door

not caring less:

I couldn't give a XXXX (as in 4X - brand of beer) mate


So many to choose from, where does one start!??!
 
 
rizla mission
13:29 / 26.09.02
There are so many good Star Wars / wanking euphemisms it's insane..

My favourite's probably "tinkering with the R2 unit".

A Vietnam-related one for stoned/drunk/being generally incoherent:

Travelling into Cambodia, or variations there-upon, as in: "Man, you travelled way too deep into Cambodia last night!".

why that's funny I don't know, it probably shouldn't be.. I'm sure there's a slightly funnier way of putting it that I've forgotten..
 
 
XXII:X:II = XXX
13:33 / 26.09.02
For lovely masturbation euphemisms:

(for the fellas)
Shaking hands with Mr. Lincoln
Paying respects to the bishop

(for the ladies)
Diddle your skittle
Moistening your fingers

Eh, anything further seems strained.

I too want to see a site devoted to scifi euphemisms for masturbation and other smirky activities. Maybe something like, "Putting a visor on Cyclops" or "engaging the Probability Drive on the Heart of Gold" or... shit, it's too early for this.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
14:04 / 26.09.02
Going back to the Kessel run thing: just remembered that a parsec isn't a measure of time, it's a measure of distance. Which for some reason makes it all the funnier.
 
 
Saint Keggers
15:46 / 26.09.02
Heard last night on Tv: his driveway doest go all the way to the garage.
 
 
Margin Walker
14:23 / 28.09.02
(lick pinky finger, place spit-drenched finger in ear of victim, remove finger at leisure)
"Yep, looks like she's a quart low"

"Skipping without a rope"
"I think that guy has a wormhole inbetween his ears"
"Playing the game of life with a sheepshead deck"
"I think (s)he has extra chromasomes"
"You're not the brightest penny in the piggy bank, are you?"
"I think his brain Ruby done took her love to town"
"That guy's a Shemp" (named after the expendible Marx Brother)
"Makin' gravy with the lumps"
 
 
w1rebaby
15:07 / 28.09.02
"gusset typist"
 
 
Cubby
16:22 / 29.09.02
"not exactly bringing the potato salad to the Mensa picnic"

PS- Pardon the Pedantacism, but Shemp was an expendable Stooge, Zeppo was the expenable Marx
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
16:44 / 29.09.02
"Ninepence to the shilling".
 
 
nutella23
17:02 / 29.09.02
"Missing a few croutons from the salad bar"
"Go wade back to the shallow end of the gene pool"
"Pulling a Reagen"
"Born under the sign of SLOW CHILDREN"
"And in the lead...its cabbage by a head!"
"His family tree has no branches"
 
 
Margin Walker
17:22 / 29.09.02
Here's some for work:

"Living in Temping, AZ"
"Pumpin' for The Man" (thanks WEEN)
"The skills to pay the bills" (thanks Beasties)
"Waiting for the strings to come in" (thanks Superchunk)
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
19:15 / 29.09.02
Slipped into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
19:21 / 29.09.02
"A bit minus".
 
 
woodswalker
23:54 / 29.09.02
Happy as if he had a brain.
Not the brightest light on the tree.
Snot slingin, (drunk)
 
  
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