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Ahem.
I just received a pretty, all-white dodecahedral Bonsai Kitten. Thanks. I named her Snowflake. I was wondering what shape of food to feed her. Wouldn't it be dangerous to feed triangular-shaped food to kittys with non-triangular dimensions? Surely this is an issue of aesthetics as well as nutrition, but I'm not sure I would want to endanger my kitty just to satisfy my aesthetic sense.
Dear Don,
We appreciate your concerns, but there is no dietary-shape requirement with Bonsai Kittens beyond your own artistic sensibilities. We personally consider feeding triangular food to a dodecahedral kitty to be somewhat aesthetically questionable, but as long as you don't leave excess food lying around the kitty it should not be a major faux pas. Just don't leave little Snowflake near any icosahedral objects, whatever you do!
Dear Sir/Madam,
I was appalled to come across your "Bonsai Kitten" site today as I searched with my young niece for Hello Kitty horticultural products. I told little Felicity that this didn't really happen to kittens, but she would not believe me. Now she is drawing pictures of felines in all manner of geometric forms, and is even taking an interest in her older brother's tongue piercing. You should consider putting AdultCheck, NetNanny, PussyPass, or some other suitable protection system on your site. How can you sleep at night knowing that children around the world will be haphazardly cramming kittens in small vessels in an attempt to achieve the "Bonsai Kitten Facial Expression" --- resulting instead in an expression of death, agony and disfigurement no doubt! As an American, I do not begrudge you indulgence in your esoteric oriental practices, but I wish you would label it for what it is: kittitorture. Then, innocent little girls like Felicity will be spared an adolescence of disfigurement through razor blades and needles in an attempt to reconcile their inner conflicts caused by your manipulation of the archetypical comfort creature the naturally-formed kitten.
Dear Dr. Lirpa,
We resent your opinions, and wish you did not have them, or at least could show enough restraint to keep them to yourself. Frankly, we at Bonsai Kitten are getting tired of receiving so many mis-informed and self-righteous missives telling us what is wrong with our site. The only consolation is the equal number of happy kittens that we lift from drab existences and elevate into cherished objèts d'art. Can't we all just get along? |
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