I have no idea where this actually came from but it is hilarious! BTW, if you do not know who Dr. Laura Schlessinger is, I will give you a hint. An ultra right-wing, radio talk-show host who isn't really even a DOCTOR! Very popular with those living in the bible belt in the U.S.A.
Go figure. Please read on...
PS: If this thread belongs somewhere else, please move it and if you could, let me know where. Thanx
~MT
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you so much for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and I try to share
that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to
defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him
that Leviticus 18: 22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of
debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of
the specific laws and how to best follow them.
A) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates
a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1: 9). The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
B) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21: 7. In this day & age, what would be a fair market price
for her?
C) I know I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15: 19-24). The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
D) Leviticus 25: 44 states that I may own slaves, both male & female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
mine claims this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
E) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35: 2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself?
F) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree, can you settle this?
G) Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if
I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20 or is there some wiggle room
here?
H) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?
I) I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
J) My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of
two different kinds of thread (cotton & polyester blend). He tends to
curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all
the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.
24: 10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:
14)?
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging."
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