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What are you intending to do with your gap year? Gives you a lot of space to explore your interactions with the rest of us homines sapientes. I too was monstrously anti-social at that age but once I felt I'd begun to have some control of my own life, that changed (though I can still be an anti-social little **** with minimal provocation).
Cyclepath's idea's not a bad one. Coming over all Gothy was good for me, helped me find a group of equally anti-social peers to share my late adolescent pain. School had always had this competitive vibe which it took me a while to transcend.
Getting away from home kick-started huge changes, having to survive on my ownsome toughened me up and taught me a bit more compassion - made me less self-absorbed.
But then I was a closeted gay boy and the big thing that shifted perspective was coming out. Becoming more of my own person was a big help and learning, slowly, not to be so reactive to others' expectations and exhortations. Guess that process is transferable to lots of other situations.
I seem to remember feeling great fear of the future at your age, worrying myself to death over stuff that, in retrospect, didn't matter at all or turned out to have a compensatory silver lining.
But that's me and you're going to muddle through in your own distinct way, I'm sure. Good luck. There are always going to be times when Hell is other people... |
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