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Need Advice With Difficult Situation

  
 
nutella23
17:10 / 15.09.02
Not sure where to start with this one...its an odd mess of sorts. One day, I was hanging out with a friend of mine (female), just having a conversation and enjoying the weather, that kind of thing. A guy walks up to us and introduces himself, joins in the conversation, seems amiable enough. Eventually, he excuses himself and we think no more about it. Days go by, and I occasionally run into this person, again, seems amiable and chatty. Wants to hang out, I figure he's new in the area and just wants to meet people, whatever. But then things start to happen. Unpleasant things. He starts mentioning how he saw my friend here, there, wherever. She was with so-and-so, and he starts asking very prying questions about her. Also, he constantly wants my attention, always wants to know my whereabouts, my schedual, etc. and is beoming more and more nagging and "clingy" everytime I see him. Now I'm starting to avoid him. The other day, I run into my friend, we go out for coffee, and she tells me that said guy is doing the exact same thing to her, only moreso. She agreed to have lunch with him one day, and now won't leave her alone. Once he bumped into her when she was coming home from a bar with another friend, and followed them back to her apartment, only leaving after being told very angrily that he wasn't welcome, and to please leave, which he did...eventually. He constantly calls my friend and will not leave her alone, trying to keep her on the phone for as long as possible, keeps calling back after she hangs up, etc. Now she's avoiding him as well. Problem is, he can't take a hint, and likes to "latch on" to people, likes to pry, milks other people for info about us, its getting weird and scary. My friend says she feels "drained" in his presence or after talking to him for any length of time, says he's like an "energy vampire" or some such thing...I've asked her if she wants to go to the police about this, seeing as how he keeps harassing her, maybe get a restraining order if he doesn't stop. Either that or threaten to beat the crap out of him, whatever works I suppose. She doesn't want to go to the cops, but at the same time, she's starting to feel afraid and I think this is bringing up some old fears for her. Suggestions?
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
17:18 / 15.09.02
Make sure scary stalker boy knows his attentions are not welcome. Keep all communications, a record of calls etc., and do seek advice. This isn't funny, you have no idea whether it's minor or significantly dangerous, and it's not a good area for experimentation. If you have some kind of local community police officer, sometimes you can ask for advice without making a complaint. Sometimes the person concerned can be warned off.

Chances are he's a needy young man with bad manners. Other possibilities have to be factored in, however, and the balance of risk and loss suggests you should treat this with great caution. Don't mess about, call the Police the moment you feel threatened, and don't be afraid to call your friends to stay over, whatever. No one with any nous is going to laugh at you over this.

If in doubt, assume danger, apologise later.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
17:29 / 15.09.02
Nick's right, you've got to use your common sense here, this man is scaring you. Go with your instincts and call the police and tell the guy you're going to, preferably when you've got some big man behind you, don't threaten to beat the shit out of him because who knows how he'll react. Keep your head clear and above all be sensible.
 
 
nutella23
18:22 / 16.09.02
Thanks for the replies. I wanted to talk to my friend again and go over some options, and come to a decision before posting again. So, yeah, we decided to involve the police, they've talked to the guy, gave him a stern warning and all that. We're also getting our phone #'s changed, just to be safe. If this doesn't work, the next step will be restraining orders. So far though, he's stopped, at least for the time being. Again, I appreciate the help.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
09:28 / 17.09.02
Shit! Only just read this thread. Glad it seems to be sorted, though. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of shit.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
09:43 / 17.09.02
nutella23:

Good work. Now...hang onto that resolve. It's very easy at this point to feel you've misjudged someone, especially if they behave themselves for a while. Don't renew contact, even to 'soften the blow' or whatever. You're doing everyone a favour just sticking to your position.
 
  
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